“Yeah. And, no, I’m not going to tell you what he said.” Just the idea sends a rush of heat into my face. It was bad enough when Rowan walked in on the two of us having sex. I don’t think I could stand it if he ever heard the things Grant said to me. Not just in the parking lot, but at any point.
Grant got off on embarrassing me. He used to grab my ass in crowded rooms when we were in the back. Once made me give him a blowjob in a frequently used stairwell at school, talking about how hot I looked on my knees with his dick in my mouth.
I blush now just remembering it. Fuck, I thought I’d gotten past this. I’d taught myself to not think about it. I fucked some random guy the first night away from Brooklyn to prove to myself I wasn’t afraid of them. And maybe I’m not afraid of guys or sex.
But maybe I am afraid of Grant still. And I’m not sure how I’m supposed to stop.
Twelve
Max
My shoulders are heavy with disappointment when I make my way home after closing at my office. Rowan had the early night, and that left Delilah in charge. And she’s more than capable of doing everything by herself.
I thought Jude would text me back. I thought he had a good time last night. And that time in the bathroom at that other bar. It’s been less than twenty-four hours, but he gave me his number for a reason, right? He wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t planning on reaching back out.
For a second, I consider sending another text, just in case the first one didn’t go through. But that feels extra pathetic, so I nix the idea.
When I reach my apartment, I toss my keys on the table and grab a water from the fridge before kicking my shoes off. I’m just getting ready to take a shower when a knock sounds on my door.
My heartbeat kicks into overdrive, and I tell it to calm down. It could be anyone. It doesn’t have to be Jude. It’s probably not Jude. He never even texted me back.
I check out the peephole to see Jude standing on the other side.
When I open the door, he gives me a hesitant smile. “Hey.”
“What’s up?” I contemplate letting him stand out there, but my need to be around him quickly erases that thought, and I widen the door to let him inside.
He moves past me, his arm brushing my chest, and my skin heats automatically.
“Sorry, I didn’t text you back,” he says. “I’ve been thrust into the wedding party unexpectedly, so I was with Anastasia all day.”
“Oh, I didn’t really notice.”
His mouth pulls up in a small smile when I blush. Then he glances toward my open bedroom door. “Your water’s running.”
“Yeah, I was headed for the shower.”
“Sorry. I can go.”
“Or you could stay,” I blurt as he’s turning back for the door.
“You mean stay like wait out here on the couch for you?” The twinkle in his eye isn’t as bright as it has been, but when it comes out, I know he’s teasing me.
“No. Like, come in the shower with me.”
“Do you usually invite people to come in the shower with you?”
Instead of answering, I strip my shirt off and leave it on the living room floor.
Jude’s answering smile is hungry, but there’s a sadness in his eyes that I can’t quite put my finger on. It makes my heart hurt to see it.
When Patrick got like this, I was able to make it better. And I think I can do the same for Jude.
I reach out and take his hand. His fingers curl around mine, and he lets me lead him through my bedroom and into my bathroom. Steam has already fogged up the mirror and clouded the air.
I check Jude’s expression before reaching to strip his jacket from him. When he shrugs out of it, I feel just how tense his shoulders are. Whatever it is that’s weighing on him has been there a while.
Slowly, I pull his shirt off, then kiss the skin of his upper arm. Goosebumps rise beneath my lips, and it makes me smile.
