“Not hungry,” he murmurs.
“You said that yesterday. And the day before that? Also not hungry,” I say, sitting on the edge of the bed. “You’re going for a record.”
Jade exhales through his nose. It might’ve been a laugh, once. Now it just sounds tired.
I want to reach for his hand. I want to run my fingers through his hair, kiss his forehead, hold him until he remembers who he is and why he’s still fighting. But I don’t do any of that. I don’t want to break him open. Not when he’s barely holding himself together.
Instead, I ask, “Did you catch some sleep while I was making soup?”
“Some.”
“Nightmares?”
“Same as always.”
I nod, staring at a crack in the stone floor that wasn’t there when we first moved in. “Same dream, or same feeling?”
Jade doesn’t answer right away. His gaze shifts to the ceiling. “They’re calling louder.”
A chill runs down my spine that has nothing to do with the weather.
“I keep thinking I can block them out. That I’m strong enough. But they’re smart. They… they change shape. In the dreams, they look like people I knew. People I lost. My mother. Once, they looked like you.”
That one hits like a punch.
I try to keep my face steady. “Me?”
He finally meets my eyes. “They said if I opened the portal, you’d be safe. That they’d give you a place in their court. That we’d never grow old. Never die.”
“And you believed them?”
Jade shrugs. “I didn’t want to. But for a moment… it was tempting.”
I hate this. I hate how small he sounds. How ashamed. Like he’s confessing to some unholy sin instead of just being human.
“You didn’t act on it,” I say. “That’s what matters.”
“For now,” he says quietly.
I grip the edge of the bed, knuckles white. “I want to get you out of here. I hate this. I hate seeing you like this. But if I open that door, I could lose you. Or worse, you could lose yourself.”
“I know.”
“I wish there was another way.”
Jade doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. The silence says it all.
Silas said he was working on it, but I have my doubts. He is a busy man and his priority is keeping the world safe. He doesn’t know Jade, so why would he care about his well being? Locked down here is problem solved, if you look at it coldly.
Monty and Mal work on the magic seals every day. Gray checks the amulet. Nobody thinks the fey are going to get in. As long as Jade doesn’t go out.
The whole situation sucks. And worst of all, I can’t see a way through this. For the first time in my life, my optimism is failing me.
The silence settles over me. If I can’t help, the very least I can do is to be here with him. Physically, mentally, spiritually.
The quiet fills the air. The moment stretches.
Eventually, I reach out and take his hand. It’s cold. Too cold. I rub circles into his knuckles with my thumb.
