“You’re not alone,” I whisper.
“I feel like I am.”
“I know. But I’m here. Even if all I can bring you is soup and bad jokes.”
“Your jokes are pretty good,” he says softly.
“Don’t lie. You’re supposed to be the honest one.”
His lips twitch. Almost a smile.
“Do you remember,” I say, “that night at the fair? The Ferris wheel?”
Jade nods faintly.
“I keep thinking about the fireworks. How your whole face lit up when they started. I’ve never seen someone so beautiful and so surprised at the same time.”
“I thought you planned them.”
“Yeah, I didn’t. But I should’ve lied and said I did. Would’ve scored me some major points.”
His hand tightens around mine. “You already had the points.”
There’s a long pause. He closes his eyes. I watch his chest rise and fall, too shallow, too slow. Like he is shutting down. But his hand is trembling, ever so slightly. Almost like a shiver.
“You’re scared,” I say.
“Terrified.”
“Good. That means you’re still fighting.”
He turns toward me, finally, fully. And it’s like the sun breaking through a snowstorm. Small. Brief. Blinding.
“I love you, you know,” he says, voice barely audible.
It stuns me. Not because I didn’t think he felt it. But because I didn’t expect him to say it now, when he’s at his lowest. It feels like a tether. Like he’s handing me the rope to pull him back.
I lean down and press my forehead against his. “I love you too. So much it’s killing me.”
My insides twist and squirm. My heart is tightening in pain while my stomach is having butterflies. My body is as confused and conflicted as I am. On the one hand, I’m absolutely ecstatic and elated that we are declaring our love for one another, on the other hand, I hate that it’s like this. This moment should be purely joyous. Special. More spectacular than the fireworks at our first kiss.
It should not be spoken in sad whispers in a dungeon while Jade is fading away.
“I don’t want to die in here,” he says suddenly, and the words stab into my chest like an icy spear.
“You won’t.”
“I’m not sure how much longer I can hold it together.”
“We’ll find a way. All of us. We’re not giving up.”
He nods, slowly. “Will you stay? Just for a bit?”
“Of course,” I say with a false smile.
Why is he asking that? I’m always down here. I rarely leave his side. I only go up for snacks and for brief snatches of fresh air in order to preserve my own sanity. If I thought staying down here permanently and slowly going insane with Jade would help, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I think staying strong for Jade is the better option.
I pull off my shoes and climb in beside him, careful not to disturb the tray. He curls into my side, head tucked under my chin, and for the first time in days, he breathes like he’s safe.
