Reflexively, my hands twist into the lapels of my fluffy robe. Yes, I want to wear it. It is mine. Mal gave it to me. The first thing anyone gave me in a terribly long time. And more importantly, it is the very first thing Mal ever gave to me. It is the most precious thing in the world.
Mal sighs and shakes his head. “Fine.”
He sounds more bemused than annoyed. I don’t think he understands, which is a relief. The truth is embarrassing.
“Come on then, let’s go.” He offers me his hand and I take it gladly. The warm press of his skin feels like electricity and fire. It zings through me.
I jump down from the counter and keep a hold of his hand as we walk out of the bathroom. Mal pauses as we reach the door to the basement.
“Are you sure you are going to be okay staying here with the others?”
Damn it. There is a blush trying to creep across my face. I need to fight it. My previous behavior was shameful, but I’m feeling a lot better now. I can cope with not being glued to Mal’s side. I’ll be fine staying here without him. As long as I’m in the main house with company. I’m not sure I’d do well here alone in the basement.
“Yes,” I say as I try not to shudder.
Mal seems happy with that. He leads me outside into glorious sunshine, and then into the main house and through into the kitchen. It is dark in here, with heavy blinds over the windows. Electric lights illuminate the room, but not as well as sunlight could.
I see Ned, and now the darkness makes sense. He is standing by a worktop with Lello and the fey half-blood, Jade. There is flour everywhere. I think they are baking.
Lello turns around and gives me a big, beaming smile.
“Is it okay if Gray stays with you while I run some errands? I need to pick up a new phone after my little swim the other day,” asks Mal.
For fuck’s sake, now I feel like a puppy or a small child. Something that needs to be watched. Something too vulnerable and pathetic to be left alone. Something that breaks things.
“Of course!” exclaims Lello brightly. “We are making cookies. Want to help?”
His warmth is chasing my shame away. I nod, let go of Mal’s hand and step up to the worktop. I think I used to enjoy cooking,once upon a time. And I’m not going to stare forlornly at Mal as he walks away. I’m not.
It feels as if I am fighting every muscle in my body not to turn around. Damn it. My resolve snaps and I look over my shoulder, but I’m too late. He has already gone.
The wave of despair that washes over me is as surprising as it is strong. I bite my bottom lip in an effort not to whimper.
I know he is not merely running errands. But no one else knows the danger. I’ll look pathetic if I make a fuss. And I am mostly being pathetic. I’m not deeply worried about Mal. He can handle himself against Nikolai. The shameful truth is, I need Mal to be here.
Lello squeezes my shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m sure he won’t be long.”
Great. Just great. Not only am I being a whiny bitch, it is obvious enough for everyone to see.
I shake my head to clear it. Baking. I’m going to do some baking with these half-remembered friends of mine.
Lello shows me what he wants me to do, mixing ingredients in a large bowl, and I get to work. The trio pick up a conversation, presumably one they were having before I interrupted.
“So doesn’t your boss think it is strange that you can’t go out in sunlight?” asks Lello.
Ned lets out a little growl. “He is not my boss. He is my great-grandson-in-law.”
“Who doesn’t know that, and thinks he is your boss,” insists Lello.
“Fine! Whatever. Call him my boss if it makes you happy,” snaps Ned. “And I can go out in sunlight, if I cover up and have a sturdy umbrella.”
“But doesn’t that look odd when you are taking the kids to the park and stuff?” asks Jade.
“I’ve been avoiding it,” mutters Ned as he presses down a cookie cutter with more force than is needed.
“But you are a nanny,” says Lello. “You have to take the kids out!”
Suddenly, the cookie cutter clangs to the floor. The noise makes me flinch.
