Fitz’sdeliciousscentdriftsthrough my bedroom door. I grin. That’s six nights out of the last nine now. He never knocks, just lurks. And I hate the nights when he doesn’t. I lie awake for hours wondering if I should go to him or give him his space. I still don’t fucking know if leaving him alone and letting him come to me is the right thing to do.
I open the door and he ducks inside with a faint flush on his cheeks, as if he is still embarrassed to come to me for sex. I hope to cure him of that soon. I also hope that he stays the night soon. My wolf hates it when he scurries away after we are done. Scrub that,Ihate it when he does that. I’m getting daft in my old age because I dream of nothing more than sleeping with him in my arms and waking up to him still being here. But I don’t know if that will ever happen.
I’m not sure what the hell we are doing. Well, we are having lots of sex, that’s for sure. But it still feels a lot like hate sex, even though I think I understand him and I’m pretty sure I’m no longer angry or bitter at him. I definitely want to forgive him. I absolutely need him to forgive me in return. I guess forgiveness is easier said than done.
He is still skittish around me, I can’t blame him for that. And we don’t talk much. During the day he still follows me around like a shadow, fleeing when I try to approach. It seems like the only time we can reach an accord is when I’m buried deep inside him. Our bodies and our wolves like each other well enough. There is no conflict or angst there.
I just wish the same could be said for us. If there even is an us. Maybe he is just enjoying his sexual awakening? And using me to explore the joys of the flesh. I’m not sure how I feel about that. But what else is new? Since the moment I first laid eyes upon him, Fitz has been confusing as hell.
After he spent the night sobbing in my arms, I thought things would be better than this. This uneasy truce. A truce with lots of delightful sex thrown in. But still a truce and not a true surrender, nonetheless.
On the morning after what was hopefully his last attempt to kill me, he had finally shared his secrets with me. Confessing all about the hunters and confirming that he was always a victim. Raised by hunters and completely ignorant of his own kind. But after our brief conversation, he had fled to his room and we haven’t really talked since.
And all of this is so far out of my experience, it’s not even funny. Casual hookups are the only things I’ve ever done. Hell, I don’t even really do friendship well. I love my pack, but Callum is the only one I can truly call a friend. I’m not good at all with people stuff and I expect even the most people-loving of people would find this a challenge to navigate.
I guess I should try talking to Fitz. Surely it has to start there. I should man up and try it at least. I open my mouth, but Fitz is stripping his clothes off and I’m struck dumb by the sight of his beautiful body. Okay, sex first and then talking. Pillow talk is supposed to be a thing, isn’t it?
Hurriedly I yank off my own clothes, like I believe if I take too long he will change his mind and leave again. Maybe he will. But he doesn’t leave, instead he lays down on my bed and looks up at me expectantly. His green eyes are sparkling. My mouth goes dry, he is so frigging hot. It’s out of this world. I can barely believe that out of all the people on the planet, I’m the one who gets to have him. I’m the only one who he offers his body to.
As I approach he moves, I expect him to spread his legs wide in invitation. But he doesn’t. He rolls over onto his stomach. Then he draws his knees up under him, while leaving his head and shoulders on the mattress. My eyes are bugging out and I swear steam is coming out of my ears. He is presenting for me.
“Who taught you that?” I manage to croak.
“Does it matter? It’s what omegas do for alphas, isn’t it?”
I can’t say a thing. I am too transfixed by the sight of him. Ready and waiting for me, offering his hole to me. His ass looks incredible like this and his hole looks so inviting.
“Am I doing it right?” he asks in a small voice and he starts to move.
“Yes!” I yell far too loudly because I do not want to lose this wondrous view. Thankfully, he freezes and I can enjoy the sight before me some more. He has come a long way from being shy about being naked around me.
“I want to be a good omega,” he says softly.
The noise that comes out of me is like nothing I have ever heard before. All my brain cells disintegrate into mush. There is not a single thought in my head except the need to be inside him.
My hands grab his hips, and I pull him to the edge of the bed. I’m going to stand by the bed and rail him while he is kneeling on it.
I trace a finger around his hole. He is not slick enough for me yet, so I gently slide my finger inside him and start playing with him. He moans and shudders delightfully but suddenly my blood is running cold. My mind is functioning again and it’s putting all the puzzle pieces together.
He isn’t very slick at all and the smell of his arousal is a faint lazy thing. He said he wanted to be a good omega. Is that why he has been coming to my bed? Because he thinks he has to? Does he think he needs to give me his body in order to earn his place in the pack? I’ve never bothered to explain to him how pack dynamics work. He only has his guesses and whatever fucked up shit the hunters told him. Add in my propensity to fucking him, it wouldn’t at all be surprising if he has misunderstood.
Is that all this has been? His misplaced sense of duty? Not a blossoming relationship? Does he like me at all? I’m going to be sick. How could I have been so oblivious?
I pull my finger out, and flip him over so he is lying on his back and I can see his eyes. He gives a little yelp of surprise and looks up at me with confusion in his eyes.
“Why do you come to my bed?” I ask. Fuck, that came out far too aggressively.
He flinches and flushes, before dropping my gaze. “Do you want me to leave?”
I shake my head, “Just tell me why.”
“Because I like to,” he mumbles while turning an even deeper shade of red.
“Why?” I insist, leaning over him.
A flash of fear flits across his wide eyes, but I ignore it. I need answers. This is far too important to let go. I have to know the truth, no matter how much it is going to hurt. If I’ve been an abusive asshole, I need to know.
“What do you like about it, tell me!” I say.
