“...What?” I stammer.
A thousand thoughts spinning through my head, chased by a thousand conflicting emotions. I’ve had so many fantasies that the way he looks at me is not acting. There is no way it’s actually true.
She laughs at me. “Oh my god, you are so clueless!”
“Why?” is the best I can manage for a reply. It doesn’t even make sense. Luckily she ignores my inane response.
“I can see why he is pissed. You were flirting with him so much at the read-through. Leading him on.”
“I was not!” I protest.
Alice shakes her head. “I saw the way you were looking at him, the way you leaned in close and whispered something that made him laugh.”
He was Mackenzie Jones. Of course I had stared at him. Possibly adoringly. I had been thrilled to be sat next to him, in his company. I don’t remember whispering anything to him though. Then it strikes me. My comment about thinking our characters want to bone. I had whispered that. Just because I didn’t want to piss anyone off by mocking the show, but… oh fuck. It probably came across as super suggestive.
Then afterwards, I had been so excited about everything, I had scooped Liliah up in my arms and snogged her vigorously. Mackenzie had seen that?
My gaze fixes on the direction Mackenzie went, even though I can no longer see him. Did he really think I had been flirting with him? It would explain why we had gotten along so well at the read-through, and then everything since has been a disaster. But that would mean several things. He is gay. He fancies me. And he is ridiculously sensitive.
The words, “Is he gay?” fall out of my mouth. As if that is the most pressing question.
Alice pats me on the shoulder. “Darling, it’s Hollywood. Everyone is pan these days.”
She walks away with a grin. Leaving me standing there. Completely lost and flummoxed. One single thought shines brightly amongst all my inner turmoil. Sheer joy that he might desire me.
My head and heart is still spinning as we set up for the next scene. Mackenzie prowls back onto set. Fuck know’s where he has been. He takes up his marked starting position, toe to toe with me, and glares with such hatred I feel it like a physical blow. Does he really despise me so much because he feels slighted? It’s childish and unfair if it’s true. Is he really so vain that rejection outrages him so much?
How can I win him back from this? Do I even want to? It is all so confusing and the cameras are about to roll. I need to get my head in the game. Concentrate, get back in role, though in the scene we are about to film, Abe’s feelings are a stark echo of my own. He is conflicted by desire and hate. Wanting Cain more than he wants anything else but hating that he does.
“Action!”
Sapphire eyes bore into my soul with such intensity I can’t breathe. He looks at me like I can take all his pain away and make his world whole. Like I’m the most precious thing in the universe and he has been chasing me through all time and space for a millennium, just for the chance to hold me.
He flows gracefully to his knees, and I swear I can feel his breath against my crotch. I’m so thankful I had the foresight to wear the flat cod-piece the intimacy coach gave me. My cock is pressing firmly against it, but no one can tell.
“Cut! Hold your position boys, the lighting is all wrong.”
Mackenzie looks up at me and the scornful look he gives me pisses me off. I have done nothing wrong. I don’t deserve this.
“You dropped to your knees so well, you must have done this for real,” I say snidely. It’s mean. It’s stupid. It’s only insulting if you’re homophobic. I have no idea what dark corner of my mind came up with it.
He huffs and rolls his eyes. “Obviously. Hollywood child star, remember?”
The dark look in his eye has me convinced he is not joking, even though his tone implies that he is.
I gasp in horror and step back.
“Kit! Get back into position!” yells someone. My body obeys while my mind turns in turmoil.
“What is your problem!” hisses Mackenzie, his eyes flashing.
“Mackenzie! That’s… that’s awful!” I babble.
His eyes narrow. “Stop being a dramatic dickhead, it’s not awful, it’s Hollywood.”
He’s not even trying to deny it by claiming he was joking. I know that was how he meant it to come out, he wasn’t intending to confess dark secrets to me.
“You can’t just dismiss it like it’s nothing!” I exclaim in shocked outrage.
