He should be kept away from me. For his own good. Even if it meant I didn’t get to see him experience his first taste of hot chocolate. But maybe he wouldn’t even smile anyway. Maybe he wouldn’t grin or beam his delight. Maybe he was too hurt and scared to enjoy it.
Closing my eyes against the fresh wave of pain that engulfed me, I fled back to my study. Only once I was there did I realize I had forgotten to get a coffee.
Chapter eighteen
ThatnightIcouldn’tsleep. I stared at the darkness and it didn’t seem as dark as my soul. The world was silent and still. It felt like I was the only living thing that was awake. Instead of feeling peaceful, it felt lonely.
Suddenly I was aware of a shadowy figure standing in my doorway. It was Jinx. Hastily I sat up.
“Hi,” I said lamely.
Silence. He didn’t move or respond in any way.
“Jinx, I’m so very, very sorry,” I said, pouring all my remorse into my words as I knew it was feelings and intentions he understood and not English. I needed him to feel how very sorry I was.
Still nothing. But at least he didn’t leave. That had to mean something. There had to be a reason he was lingering. Realization of what that reason might be, struck me like a sledgehammer.
“Are you hungry?” I asked in dread.
I’d been resolutely not thinking about it, but he would still need to feed. He was an incarnated incubus, there was no way around it. Like any living thing, without the right sustenance he would wither and die. He wore my collar, it should be me, but he was terrified of me and if he was too young… I couldn’t finish that thought.
Silently, he turned and left. A whole barrage of conflicting emotions washed over me. Relief, disappointment, regret, loneliness. It was almost too much to bear.
I threw myself back down onto my pillows. Pillows that still smelled faintly of him. I felt the phantom weight of him in my arms and couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. Luckily there was no one to hear me.
The next day, Ezme needed to pop to her house to pick up things for her and Daisy. Jinx hid in the closet in the guest room the whole time she was gone.
I kept myself busy by finally cleaning up the living room and disposing of the pishacha body. I hadn’t been able to face it before, and Ezme had been busy with Daisy and Jinx.
When I caught a glimpse of him later in the day, he looked pale and drawn, with dark circles under his eyes. His energy pulsed at me weakly. He was starving.
Ezme’s magic had merely guided his own energy to heal his body. It wasn’t surprising that he was drained. The thought terrified me but I had no idea what to do about it.
That night exhaustion had me finally drifting off to sleep. I awoke with a start, to find Jinx straddling me. My arms were pinned above my head with his magic. I could break the bonds easily but I didn’t want to scare him.
“Hi,” I said pathetically.
His beautiful eyes were sad and conflicted but it was still wonderful to be looking into them again.
“I’m so sorry that I hurt you and that I thought you attacked Daisy.”
Jinx closed his eyes briefly as if my words had caused him even more pain. Then he nodded sharply before pulling down my pajama trousers. Fear rolled off of him along with a desperate hunger.
“Hey, hey. Jinx! Stop, we will find another way to feed you! You don’t want this!”
He shot me an anguished, conflicted look and wrapped his hand around my cock. The treacherous thing started to respond.
“Ezme!” I bellowed.
Mercifully, she ran in a few short moments later. She hesitated briefly in the doorway, taking in the scene before her. Then she was there, pulling Jinx off of me and into her arms. He sobbed but hugged her back.
I quickly broke the weak magic holding me down, sat up and tucked myself back into my pajama pants.
“Alexa, turn the bedroom light on,” I said.
The light flicked on, revealing Ezme’s worried expression. We stared at each other as Jinx sniffled in her arms.
“He needs to feed,” she said calmly.
