“I meant a snack? It’s nearly eleven o’clock.”
“I’ll be fine till lunch. I don’t want to put you out.” She tried to hide the frustration in her voice from the interruption. Every day was like this. Raven would be absorbed in working on a design on her computer, and low and behold, Janette would have something to say to her. She didn’t dare tell Ben this. It was getting harder to put up with, especially as Christmas approached, and Raven wondered what it was going to be like out here. She had considered going back to Adelaide for Christmas with her parents, but a week ago they’d informed her they had booked a mystery deal and were going to have their Christmas dinner somewhere else in Australia. She’d been mortified she had not been considered for Christmas this year, and when she told them as much, they simply responded assuming she’d have it on the farm with Ben and his family. She had, but now that things had changed and her nerves were wearing thin with Janette, the doubt was beginning to grow.
“Just asking.” The door slammed closed as Janette went back inside, knocking Raven’s thoughts back to reality. She was just sitting on the veranda trying to get some designs completed.
Raven suppressed a sigh as she looked at her computer and tried to focus back on the design she’d been working on. With no new orders this morning, she’d decided to work on pre-made designs to build on her portfolio. Christmas was a week away, and it wasn’t likely that she’d get any new clients. At least her existing ones were satisfied with the marketing packages she’d put together for them—Facebook banners, profile images for social media, images sized specifically for Instagram. This was thanks to her friend, Nettie, who was starting up her own vegan chocolate business. Then there was someone Nettie knew, Aaryahi, who needed rebranding for her jewelry-making business. It had been a start, and it meant for a little while she really thought her business in graphic design could actually make it. Now, she wasn’t so sure. But with Ben busy with the harvest, and she barely able to see him, usually as he flopped into bed late at night dead tired, Raven really didn’t know what else to do with her time. While she wanted to make a living and have her own income, so she could provide for herself here, maybe she had been too rash in deciding it would work for her out here. Was this what it was going to be like for Christmas? Lonely?
Raven sat back in her chair and looked out. Life on the farm was great. Right now, she’d forgotten the earthy animal smell and, instead, breathed in the fresh country air taking in the view of the land. The birds singing were quietening as the day went on and the temperature was rising. Another hot day.
Good thing I don’t mind the hot weather.
There was no air conditioning in the old farmhouse, only a standing floor fan and a small rectangular window to open to let in the air. The heat was one thing that wasn’t getting to Raven.
A fly buzzed passed her. Flies, on the other hand, were also getting on her nerves. She aimlessly swatted them away, and they continually buzzed around her. She refocused on her computer and the floral design logo she was hoping to finish today.
She’d figured social media would’ve bridged the gap between life here on the farm and her old life in the city—it kind of did in a way. What Raven hadn’t realized was that it wasn’t at all a good replacement for the real face-to-face contact she was used to.
Raven had taken to going into the township of Keith frequently to help break up her day and see other people instead of Janette and occasionally Ben. She’d been getting to know Ben’s sister, Anne, who was currently working at the local café, Beans. Once or twice she’d gotten a free coffee, which also helped her financially. Raven was all too aware of the cost of petrol from going into town and then for a coffee, just so she could get out of the house and escape for a few hours. Her gut churned tightly at the thought. It was a big indulgent when she wasn’t yet able to earn her way here on the farm. But at the same time, it was good for her mental health. She felt the familiar pull to go into Keith now, to take her laptop, sit at Bean at a table out front and watch the little bit of activity happening in the small town while she worked. If she were lucky and it wasn’t too busy in the afternoon, maybe Anne could sit and talk to her.
“Here, I bought you some gingerbread biscuits and another coffee for you.” Janette placed them in front of her.
“Thanks.” Raven pursed her lips tightly together. This was the issue, Janette ignoring her decisions and doing what she thought Raven needed as if she knew better than Raven.
Raven stood up. “I have to go to Keith now, I’ll be back for dinner.” Then she shut her laptop and left, guilt stabbing at her belly.
“But…”
“I did say no when you asked,” said Raven, looking back over her shoulder before she let the screen door slam. In this moment, she had to get out of there.
Ben gripped the steering wheel of the combine harvester in a relaxed manner as he completed yet another round of the paddock. There was nothing relaxing about how he felt as he kept his eyes on the stalks to ensure they went into the combine and weren’t missed.
The air conditioning struggled to keep the cab cool, and Ben could feel sweat from sitting for so long. He knew it was working when he had to get out of the cab, the hot air blasting him as if Mother Nature had decided this area was her oven. If he didn’t need to get out, then he would’ve considered the air conditioning had stopped working hours ago.
There was no way he was going to finish the harvest in the next week, meaning that after Christmas, it was going to be back to work. Today he was reaping the first of the wheat.
The season had been average in this area, and the stalks were shorter than they should’ve been. Added to this, the crop had been ripe too long and was starting to droop from the strong winds that had ripped through here a week ago. It meant Ben had to set the combine low for the moving knives to catch the stalks of wheat. Any big bumps from rocks or potholes in the paddock could result in the combine hitting the ground and being damaged. He’d already had a minor breakdown early in the season, and he didn’t want another to delay the harvest, not when he’d been working such long hours and sacrificing time with Raven to get the crop reaped.
Getting started this morning had been difficult. Raven slept peacefully next to him, and the temptation to lay next to her until she woke and then indulge in some intimacy together had nearly stopped him from getting out of bed. Almost. Years of getting up early meant he kept the discipline. Plus, even if he weren’t going to finish harvest before Christmas this year, it still needed to be done. So many things could go wrong before the crop was reaped and delivered to the silos. He didn’t want to take any risks, not now that it looked like he was finally going to settle down. He needed an income to support a family, and if things went well, if there was a little extra money, he wanted to give it to Raven to do up parts of the old homestead.
Ben began another round of the paddock. He hoped Raven wasn’t feeling rejected. He’d tried to tell her that the harvest was going to be tough, but how did he explain what it was like to a city girl? This was the only life he’d known. He didn’t mind not seeing other people during the day and working long hours by himself with his dog, Snipper, by his side. He tried to remember that when thinking of Raven and their future, he needed to come up with some options to help her feel more at home.
It hadn’t been the easiest time of year to move to the farm. After the Royal Show in Adelaide, he had to get on the tractor to spray the crops against insect damage, then the weather turned, and the crops ripened enough to begin the harvest. He’d suggested she’d take up tennis, the only summer sport, come to think, the only sport, on offer right now. That hadn’t gone down well. Sports weren’t her thing. She needed to do something to meet the locals, but with that failure and the business of harvesting, Ben hadn’t made any more suggestions.
Raven had given up a lot to live with him on impulse. He didn’t want to let her down in any way. It felt like he was doing just that. Plus, he was sensing that maybe things were becoming a little strained between Raven and his mom. That was another issue that would need to be sorted. Where was his mom going to live? He had naïvely hoped they would both get on fabulously. Maybe they would in time? It had barely been three months. It wasn’t enough time to cross that option off as a possibility. The bottom line was that Ben wasn’t sure what to do. It was great having Raven around, and he didn’t want to kick out his mom since she’d aged a lot in the last few years since his father’s death. This was her home. He also knew that if things worked between him and Raven, and he was sure it would, then it would be their home. How was he going to find the balance between how things were to how they needed to change?
He finished the round, and without thinking, began another. His saving grace right now was that he had plenty of time to think.
The knots of guilt twisted tight as Raven drove into Keith. It wasn’t like her to speak the way she had to Janette. The words had been out, and she’d stormed into the house before her conscience caught up with her. By then, it was too late. That, and the strong desire to get off the farm and go into Keith for some human contact even if she spoke to no one ensured she grabbed her handbag and marched to her car parked in one of the unused old sheds on the property. She had to get out. The view might be inspiring, but the loneliness felt like a cage.
Not use to the unsealed roads and driving the base model white Hyundai Elantra, now covered in a layer of dust, her speed was well under the limit. When going into Keith with Ben or Janette, she would clutch on to the side of the seat not sure she’d get there in one piece based on how fast they drove. Ben, in particular, was a bit of a lead foot behind the wheel. She didn’t want to risk her car. If things got really bad, she had been considering selling her car. Or would returning to Adelaide be a better option? She wasn’t sure. While she’d first met Ben three years ago, their agreement of a yearly affair at the Royal Show had developed into something more lasting. Right now, it was being tested, which was too much for a new relationship between them. Was the pull of attraction still there between them? She hoped so.
Raven parked her car on the street across from Bean and got out, taking her laptop bag with her. A freak gust of hot wind blasted her, filled with a lot of dust. It felt like the grains were being embedded into her skin. She held her breath until the wind died down, turning her head away to stop from breathing in too much of the dust. Then she glanced right, then left, to make sure there was no traffic, even though she was sure there wasn’t going to be. The trucks transporting grain this time of year did seem to rattle along the road faster than they should.
She crossed the old bitumen road, vying her favorite seat out front. She pushed on the heavy wooden door, dark green paint peeling off, and stepped inside. There were a variety of different size tables set up inside, all of them empty. This time of year, Bean did more takeaway meals and coffees, so Anne had told her. A few of the people from town would come in for lunch, but she was an hour too early for that.
“Raven, good to see you today,” said Anne as she looked up from polishing a spoon with a tea towel. She smiled broadly as she stood up from the stool behind the counter. She wore denim shorts and a red checkered shirt.
“Usual?”
