“Me too. So you’ll tell him, right?”
“I will. I just need to figure out how. But I’m so happy for you, Lily!”
“I’m happy for us.”
It’s been a week since the engagement party, and I have one more before Lily puts her foot down. Until then, I need to figure out what to say and how to say it. I’ve somewhat relaxed and restricted myself to only looking at their pictures once a day. Okay—maybe twice. But today doesn’t count.
I’m considering it research to help prepare for breaking the news. Poppy is on her way, and she better be here soon because my mind is going crazy with possibilities. I’ve gone back and forth about what to tell him. It’s terrible that I’ve let it go this far without confessing. Even my counselor has been encouraging me to do it.
When I first found out, I was in shock, of course, but then I almost felt like a hypocrite committing to a child after telling him I couldn’t commit to marriage. How was it so easy for me to admit my love for our baby, but could never own up to my love for him? I always knew I loved Eli, but my damn phobia issue wouldn’t allow me to give in to it. Now I’m worried he’ll be so angry about my deception that he’ll reject anything I say. Not to mention, he’s frickingengaged to another woman. I’ve only made it worse by waiting, but fear is a powerful thing.
Thank God for the sound of the doorbell, immediately followed by the door opening to reveal my redheaded spitfire of a friend. I need her spunk right now to pull me out of my spiraling thoughts and set me back on track.
“Why are you sitting in the dark?” she asks when her eyes land on my form in the middle of the couch.
I look around, taking in the room. “I didn’t realize it was dark yet. I’ve been staring at the computer for the last hour, waiting for you.”
She flips the lights on and cocks her head. “Dare I ask what you’ve been staring at, or do I even need to?”
“No. You don’t. And I’m only looking because I knew what we were doing tonight. I thought it would help set the tone.”
“Sure, you did.” She plops down next to me. “Let me see while you pour me some wine and refill your tea.”
I hand her the computer and go to the kitchen, pulling a bottle of white from the fridge before heating my water. I’m filling her glass when I hear the printer going. Two seconds later, Poppy scurries past the kitchen and into the office, coming back with a piece of paper in her hand.
“What did you print?” I ask as she fishes around the junk drawer and extracts a pair of scissors.
“I decided we need a prop for you to talk to, so… I printed one of the pictures where they’re not plastered together to cut them apart.” She holds up the half with Eli on it, then hands me the other and says, “Here, you can do the honor of ripping this one to shreds.”
“Poppy, I don’t hate Rebecca. It’s not her fault I am the way I am.”
“It’s her fault you haven’t told him, though. Come on, it’s part of the process.”
My head drops and I shake it. “This feels wrong.”
“Admit it, you’re sort of excited. Go on, do it,” she encourages.
Holding it up, I look at the picture while Poppy takes over making my tea. It’s weird seeing Rebecca on her own. She’s happy, but there’s something else, too, that I can’t quite put my finger on. Poppy’s right—I do want to tear it to pieces. She may not be at fault, but a part of me blames her for seeking him out. I know she did, especially after that conversation in the office way back when. To go after him when she knew we dated is what I’m angriest over. On the other hand, Eli deserves to be happy, though I hate that it’s with someone I know.
With one last sigh, I hold the paper up and rip her in two, then stack the halves to do it again and again and again until the pieces are so small that I can’t anymore. A huge smile breaks out. Poppy and I look at each other and immediately start cracking up.
“That was fun,” she says when we calm down. “Cheers.”
We clink glasses and sip.
“Now take this one, look him in the eyes, and tell him what you want to say.” She hands me the picture of Eli, and I stare at it.
It strikes me immediately. Something’s missing. Eli doesn’t look happy at all. He seems downright miserable. What the hell? It’s so obvious now that they’re not next to each other. Her happiness must have drowned his misery out. I suppose they could have had a spat right before arriving, but something tells me that’s not the case with Rebecca’s unmistakable joy.
“This is all I needed. I’m ready,” I state matter-of-factly.
“Good. Let’s hear it, then.”
“No. I mean, I’m ready to tell him. In person. To his face.”
“Wellll, okay then. Do you want to FaceTime him?”
“No, I want to go there and talk to him. I need to make sure he’s happy. He doesn’t look like it in this picture. Can you tell?” I hold it up for her.
