Even if he professed his love, he didn’t know me, nor this darkness waiting to swallow the corpse too stupid to know when to quit. How could he love something like that, someone like me? Once he knew the truth, he’d run, and I wouldn’t blame him. Which is why I needed to get the answers to my questions and run like hell before it allimploded.
He let me hide for a few seconds before he again tilted my chin back. I soaked in the comfort of his fingers on my face before that small touch wasn’t enough. Even if every cell strung through me longed for him, I wouldn’t beg. Not yet atleast.
“Why don’t we start slow,” he said after I didn’t break the silence. “You could come work at the bar until you figure out what you want todo.”
“I don’t know anything aboutbartending.”
“You can serve, then, and cleanup.”
I pulled back now, severing his touch even as I wanted to curl into him. “Are you inviting me to be yourbarmaid?”
He rolled his eyes and stood up with a prominent squeak of the bed. “Barmaid? Come on. If you don’t want to work there, then what do you want todo?”
I hadn’t considered much further than getting to town and finding answers to the questions which plagued me about my life. The decision to come home was based mainly on the fact that I didn’t expect to live another month. Physically I could, sure, but every breath, every step, every heartbeat, took a toll on my mind. Some days, it was physically painful to get up and get dressed. I couldn’t keep living in such a constant deluge of heavysadness.
This black cloud wasn’t the one you get after a long workday and your favorite coffee shop selling out of chocolate syrup. This cloud stretched so deep and dark, it had no end. When a ray of light broke up the din, it seemed like a miracle, until the flash of hope was swallowed up all over as the cloud closed back in. It was always there waiting. I put on a good face in public, but the second I found myself alone, it took hold again, harder and faster than the daybefore.
Murphy and his damn beautiful smile was the only thing keeping me from giving in toit.
I tried for nonchalance. “I hadn’t really thought about it yet.” Not the truth and not alie.
He sat down again, and my fingers itched to touchhim.
“Then come work with me while you figure itout.”
“You mean, foryou.”
“Technically, I’d be paying you, but I’ve never been a boss boss like manyexpect.”
I couldn’t stop the laugh that burst out. “And what is a boss bossexactly?”
He made a face at my guffaw but answered anyway, still towering above me. “You know, demanding. That sort ofthing.”
In his distraction, I seized the waistband of his jeans again and pulled him closer. He stopped talking mid-sentence and stared down at me wide eyed as I looked up. I didn’t think he knew what he was doing when he gently slid his fingers through myhair.
Without his permission, I wasn’t going to open his pants, but I took my time wrapping my hands around his well shaped ass and pressing my lips to the already bulging denim in myface.
He let out a groan at the barest contact and nuzzled my mouth and nose against his now fully hard cock, still tucked in hisjeans.
“What are you up to?” he asked, now eyeing me in a newlight.
I shrugged. “I told you I wanted you. We talked. Now we can do otherthings.”
He pulled back, and I held his ass tight, not letting him gofar.
“You can’t call that a talk. It was basically ten minutes of broody silence and ten minutes of you challenging me.” A smile spread across his face and disappeared in aflash.
“What was that about?” I let himgo.
“Sorry it just...saying it like that reminded me how we used to be. All bark, plenty of bite if we were near each other. And one night, that for a few minutes afterward, I thought was one of the dumbest mistakes of my life, changedeverything.”
I couldn’t remember it. And I wanted to. Maybe the memory of him inside me could help with some of thedarkness.
“You said in the bar you fell into my bed. Tell me how it reallyhappened.”
Instead of standing more, he sat down next to me, his thigh pressed against mine this time. “It was boneheaded. I couldn’t stand to see that look on your facewhen—”
His long pause didn’t bode well. “Whenwhat?”
