She stared up at him, swallowing hard.
“Ye tried so hard to forget me because ye believed I had left ye,” she murmured softly. “Ye believed I betrayed ye. And even now, I can see wariness in yer eyes. Ye are waiting—no,expecting—to be betrayed again.”
His jaw tightened. “Betrayal is a fact of life.”
“Perhaps so, but do ye expect it from me? Do ye really?”
“Senga, I…”
She shook her head, pulling away. “I won’t settle for anything less than a future with ye, Noah. Ye tell me that ye don’t wish to think of the future or plan a future, but I cannot live like that.”
“Senga…”
She backed away, shaking her head again.
“Decide,” Senga said, somewhat bitterly. “A future with me, or not. It’s a simple choice. Choose me, or stay silent, and silence… is a waste of time.”
At that, she turned and ran as fast as her sore, stiff legs would carry her. She was not followed.
Senga stumbled out into the cold courtyard, her breath fogging out in front of her. She let out a ragged breath, turning her steps towards the stables. As she approached, she realized gradually that there were no stableboys or grooms loitering around the stables.
They’re eating dinner,she realized with a sudden, powerful shiver.Nobody is here to go into the stables and fetch a horse for me.
She stood in the doorway, staring into the stables. It was dark, with a powerful smell of hay and animals drifting out. She could see the hulking shapes of horses in their stalls.
The undertone of blood made her nostrils sting, and Senga squeezed her eyes closed.
No. No blood,she told herself fiercely.Noah never died there. That was not his blood.
She let out a slow, ragged breath, forced her eyes open, and staggered forward into the stables.
Darkness swept over her, and she blinked frantically, trying to make her eyes adjust to the darkness. At last, she regained her bearings. The stables yawned around her, too big and too small all at the same time. The smell was overpowering. It wasn’t unpleasant, exactly, just the ordinary smell of a stable, but she hadn’t smelled it for so long that it had become sort of unfamiliar.
Sucking in a breath, Senga squeezed her eyes shut, forcing herself to breathe in and out until she was calm again.
When she opened them, she found Bluebell watching her curiously, head hanging over her stall.
“Ready to go out again, eh, lass?” Senga managed, offering a weak smile.
It took her less time than she’d expected to saddle up the horse. Even after all the years, it seemed that she could remember easily enough how to manage it. Bluebell stood mildly, letting it happen. Senga was relieved to see that the horse had been rubbed down with clean, dry hay, and she had had food and water. The rain had stopped, at least, although the mists still curled around the hills, gathering thickly in the forests.
When the horse was saddled, Senga took a moment to breathe, pressing her forehead against the horse’s nose and closing her eyes.
“Just ye and me now, eh, lass?” she whispered.
Then she climbed into the saddle, checking that her herb knife was still hanging at her hip. Mentally, she catalogued the herbs left in the medicine room in the infirmary and calculated which ones they would run out of the soonest.
If I must run off on my own,she thought bleakly,I might as well be useful while I am doing it.
Clicking her tongue at Bluebell, she spurred the horse out of the stables and into the watery sunshine. Bluebell’s hooves clicked loudly on the cobblestones, and a few of the guards glanced up at her curiously.
Clenching her teeth hard and blinking back tears, Senga angled herself and the horse towards the Keep gates. Bluebell gave a whicker of acknowledgement, and together they broke into a gallop.
Chapter 12
Mist And Rain
The mist clung to Senga’s hair, dappling it with minute raindrops. Her cloak kept off the worst of the moisture, but the exposed skin of her face and hands soon felt wet and clammy. She did not ride Bluebell far into the woods, only about a quarter mile from the Keep. She knew what she was looking at, and there was no sense in going too far. Besides, Bluebell must be tired from her long journey, and frankly, so was Senga. It would have been sensible to have stayed in the Keep, but Senga was no good at making sensible choices.
