Some patrons gave them odd looks, like they were having full-on sex on the table in the middle of the diner, but they ignored them. Their waitress, a total sweetheart in her early twenties, thought they were adorable and even comped them a slice of pie for them to share.
It was so easy to be with Jack. Too easy, because they could stay in this bubble forever and forget about the rest of the world. Forget their sorrow, their children, their grandchildren, their friends, their family, andlifeoutside of them. They could fade away, ignore their responsibilities and be nothing more than Jack and Jenna.
And as tempting as that possibility was, Jenna knew neither one would take it. They had to process, they had to grieve.
After lunch, Jack carried her back out to the motorcycle, hooked them back up in her new harness, and continued on their way. Jenna would breathe in the fresh air, cherishing it, because she knew the storm was coming.
The allureof the open road was lost on many. For Steel, it was about quieting the chaos, and for a short while, forgetting his responsibilities. And those drives that weren’t planned, the ones where he made the decision to go left or right whileata crossroads, were the best ones. When it was just him, Jenna, and his bike, the only threesome Steel would ever allow in their marriage.
But as the sun began to set, and Steel pulled up to a stop sign, he hesitated as to whether to go right or left.
Right kept them going south. They could get a motel for the night and continue driving tomorrow. They could put off life a little while longer.
Or they could go left and catch the interstate a few miles up the road. It would be the fastest way home.
Jenna shifted slightly. Even with the harness, she still had the ability to move and shift. If her body went limp or a symptom exacerbated where she couldn’t move with the bike on a turn, she didn’t cause them to lose their balance. Should the worst happen and Steel had to roll them off the bike, she would go with him.
He’d noticed her right hand was much more sluggish than her left. Throughout the day, he’d taken hold of her right fingers with his left hand to stretch them out so they weren’t stuck in a partial fist.
As they idled at the sign, Jenna sat up more. She’d been in and out all day, which he didn’t mind in the least. It had felt wrong riding the past five days without her behind him. Despite the spring sun blazing down on him, his back had felt cold without her.
Her left hand splayed open over his belly. He felt the strap of the cushioned cuff around her wrist too, but it was her hand on his shirt that made his decision for him. Jenna liked to say that he had her, which he did. There was no reality or world in which he didn’t, but what she rarely understood was just how stronglyshehad him.
Putting his hand over hers on his stomach, Steel took a deep breath. After looking both ways, he picked his leg up as he started them forward.
They were going home.
It wasno surprise that the cemetery was empty. The rumble of his motorcycle was the only sound for miles. Melanie’s final resting place was past the church’s parking lot and around a small bend.
Steel rode up onto the grass, careful to keep the bike off any of the actual graves. He didn’t need the headlight to know which marker was Melanie’s. He’d never forget where his daughter was buried. A tightness formed in his chest as his eyes fell on the marble for the first time since her funeral. He stopped the bike before her grave, but didn’t move other than to put his feet down for balance.
He wasn’t sure if Jenna had been back here. There were fresh flowers on the top of the headstone, but that could have been from any number of her aunts, biological or otherwise. Melanie wasn’t one for the spotlight. She would have hated her own funeral, simply because she would have been the center of attention.
Not wanting to draw attention to them from the rumble of the bike, Steel flicked the key and set the kickstand. The grasswasn’t the best place to park it, but it gave them a seat other than the ground.
Steel unbuckled the harness just as he’d done at the diner and the two gas stops they’d made. They were running on fumes to get here, but Steel hadn’t wanted to delay. It would have only been an excuse to put this off longer.
Keeping one hand behind him to ensure Jenna didn’t topple over, Steel got himself to his feet before turning and scooting himself back onto the bike. Face to face, Steel brought Jenna to him. With his feet on the ground for increased balance, he placed her legs over his thighs and held her with his hands linked behind the small of her back.
He flipped the switch, turning off the motorcycle’s headlight. Darkness fell over them, only broken by the moonlight and the distant streetlamp.
Steel raised one hand to wipe the tears streaming down Jenna’s cheeks as she stared at their daughter’s grave.
“Some days it doesn’t feel real,” she told him. Her voice was soft, hitching slightly at her tears. “I think it’s worse because she’d already moved out of the house. Her room wasn’t her room anymore. Sometimes I can close my eyes and pretend she’s still at college, and all this was just a crazy nightmare.”
Steel pressed his lips to her forehead. “I can’t remember the last time I talked to her. With the store getting blown up, Ollie getting his license, and taking care of you…” He shook his head, shame washing over him. He squeezed his eyes closed against the sting. “I can’t remember the last time I called her just to check in or to tell her how proud I was of her or how much I loved her.”
Jenna’s chin shook against his chest. “She knew. She was her daddy’s little girl. Going off to college,” her voice cracked, “never changed that.”
Steel glanced to his left where he saw his daughter’s shadowed name carved into marble. “When I thought Shaw had done it, the guilt… It should have been me. Iwantedit to have been me. I was so angry, and I couldn’t… All I could think of was making him pay. I’d somehow convinced myself that killing him would make this pain go away.” Closing his eyes, he breathed in her vanilla shampoo. “The worst part, though, was that I couldn’t face you.”
He felt Jenna’s head shift under his lips as she lightly shook her head. “You were my ride or die, Jack…”
Steel hadn’t thought there could be a pain in this world that would surpass losing his daughter. But hearing Jenna speak of them in the past tense? It was a different kind of pain, and yet so much more intense. It wasn’t just his heart that was broken at those words, but his entire being. His soul, attached to her by love and grit, felt shredded.
He had to know, no matter how much he dreaded the answer. “Were?”
Jenna sat back, forcing Steel to shift too. He still kept a tight grip on her, though she seemed fairly steady even after the long day on his hog. In the moonlight, her hazel eyes shined bright with unshed tears. “Jack, I love you.” She lifted her hand to his chest. “But our daughter was murdered, and youleftme. You asked me earlier today if I still hate you.” She looked down, swallowing hard. “I don’t hate you, Jack. Ican’t, but I also can’t deny that there’s something different here. I thought I was over it. I thought that I’d made peace with it. And I’m very aware that even feeling it makes me a massive hypocrite because Itold youto find him. I told you to make him hurt, and there was no way you could do that and still be with me as I needed you to be. Iknowthat. And yet…” Jenna took a shaky breath. “I’m so fucking mad at you.” Her hand tightened around his shirt. “I don’t knowhow we get back to beingus. I don’t know how to look at you, face this world, and forget that you abandoned me.”
