But at the same time, it just seems fitting to her personality.
“I don’t think so. Billie’s just overly bubbly and nice.”
“I thought you said you barely know them. Do you know her enough to conclude that?”
My eyebrows scrunch together. When we reach a stoplight and I’m able to look over at Lily, her face is devoid of humor.
“I know they grew up with my dad, living large as a famous businessman’s kids and never worrying about the little things. And I know that we didn’t have any sort of relationship until my father forced himself and his family into my life. That’s more than I’d ever want to know about them.”
The air conditioning is on full blast but sweat gathers at the base of my neck. I’m hot with annoyance, from watching my siblings for years through magazines and interviews, and from bringing Lily into the space of my messy family drama.
Her eyes soften. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to overstep. I just want to understand you and what you’re going through.”
The burn of my anger doesn’t go away, not entirely, but it’s pointed back to my family and away from Lily. I never want to be in a position where my negative feelings take over me and cause a rift in what we have.
I lift her hands to my lips in a kiss. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I want you to know about this stuff. I get you, you get me. Part of that is learning about my family. I’m not used to talking about them, that’s all.” Being with Lily means I share this kind of stuff with someone. It’s hard, but with her, it’s possible. “There’s a lot of layers there. I resent all of them. That’s how it is.”
She hums. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive your dad for not being present in your life?”
“No. He can go to hell.”
Liliana doesn’t bring it up for the rest of the ride. The conversation, thankfully, shifts to making a shared playlist and planning out dinner for Saturday. I tell her we can order food that night, but I’m already brainstorming different dishes to surprise her with.
When I ease my car in front of her building, Lily runs her hand along my cheek. The stress gathered in the pit of my stomach deflates, and I lean my head into her touch.
“For what it’s worth.” I peck the inside of her palm, nuzzling into it. “I really liked being called your girlfriend.”
Against the heavy weight of my family and the constant reminder that Keller is what I have left of a parent, Lily’s words mean a lot. Being here with her, who has become a sort of anchor among the sea of emotions I’ve had to navigate alone, means everything to me.
Leaning over the console, I don’t make the same mistake twice.
I tangle my hands in her hair, press my lips against the vanilla flavored glitter gloss, and kiss her goodnight.
twenty
GRANT
Lily letsme pick her up from her apartment. Her baby blue dress sways when she walks down the building’s front steps and into my arms. It’s sinisterly sweet and sexy all at once. The large tote bag slung over her shoulder doesn’t go unnoticed by me, either, and I smile while opening the passenger door.
We’re on the same page about her staying the night. I don’t intend to let her out of bed once she’s laid down.
Liliana is officially in the last leg of her story and her classes. All she needs to do is put together the acts she’s written, polish them up, and submit them for the grade I know she deserves. She’s accomplished her biggest feat this semester, and I’ve helped her get there.
Lily might not have seen this as a way to redeem myself, but I did. I needed to make sure that I righted my wrongs before I let myself think I was deserving of a girl like her.
The smile doesn’t leave my face the entire car ride. She asks a few times why I’m so upbeat tonight, and I respond that I’m just happy to be with her. And I am, but I’m even happier I’ve finallyearned the right to ask Liliana to be my girlfriend. I think she’s going to say yes.
My thoughts are consumed by fantasies of what life will be like when I can call myself her boyfriend. The trips I’ll take her on. The pieces of art she’ll inspire. The drawer I’ll clear out for her belongings.
When we get back to my apartment and swing the front door open, I’m thinking of the matching set of pajamas I’ll get us this Christmas.
“You made dinner?” Lily tilts her chin while taking her shoes off. “I thought we were going to order pizza.”
I slip off my own pair. “If you want pizza, we can order some.”
“It’s not that.” I follow her into the kitchen, hug her around her waist when she stands in front of the stove to pans of food. “I just wasn’t expecting you to cook. It smells amazing.”
My face tucks into her neck and I can’t smell the risotto dish at all. Only the apple scent of her perfume. “Thank you. I hope you like it.”
