I’d started with my hands on the bed over Gwen’s head. She’s so short, and I needed leverage. At some point, I went to my elbows. This put my forearm near enough, the vampire could stretch a little, turn her head, and sink her fangs into my forearm.
My training took hold, and my arm froze. This meant I had to slow my hips, but my dick and ballshurt, I needed to come so badly.
Gwen had it all under control, though. She pumped the orgasm cocktail through my body, and it felt as if my entire body drained through my balls and dick.
It’s possible most of my energy drained into her as well, because I could only roll to the side and collapse when Gwen’s orgasm was finally over.
And once I’d come, I realized what she’d done. “You took hold of more than my dick. You let the wolf have a little control during sex. It was my dick, but some of his psyche was in my head. I was too rough with you.”
“You were exactly as rough as I wanted you to be, and no, none of that was your wolf’s psyche. I overrode the part of your brain that would make you think of my needs. The portion that keeps you from being a psychopath. You were only thinking of your needs because that’s all I wanted you to think of.”
Slaves do as they’re told. I thought I was free, but as long as the vampires I lived with could screw with my head, I was merely their toy. Abbott had been wrong.I could never be their third. I could only be their plaything.
Chapter Seventeen
Gwen
The instant he reacted to my explanation, my stomach sank to my feet and I wanted to cry. How could I have been so insensitive? Doing this with a blood slave is fine. Doing it with a former slave who’s finding his way had been...damn. I’d gotten carried away when I took control of his wolf enough to play with his dick size.
“I fucked up,” I told him. “I owe you the biggest of apologies.”
He shook his head. “You owe me nothing. I’m paid well. I knew the job when I took it. I’m yours when it comes to sex and feeding. You did nothing wrong. I simply forgot my place for a while.” And then I heard his thoughts. Not so much words, but ideas. The gist of it was that uppity slaves were severely punished under his former master. He wasn’t a slave anymore, but being a blood servant was just another word for blood slave. He’d forgotten his place and he wouldn’t forget again.
He wasn’t entirely wrong. We can manipulate thoughts and feelings during the fuck-and-feed process enough that, even though our blood servant or companion has free will outside of a feeding, that isn’t always the case during a feeding.
He’d put up an emotional wall, and I couldn’t let him keep it there. The distance made me feel isolated. Alone. It broke my heart. I touched his cheek. “I got carried away. The power ofcontrolling the size of your dick went to my head. I wanted you to pulverize me, so I made it happen. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
I could’ve made him forget it. Abbott didn’t want us screwing with his memories, and he might not be pleased if I did, but he’d understand. He’d see how bad I felt.
But how much to get rid of? If I just erased his memory of my explanation, he’d be back to beating himself up for hurting me and being so rough. If I erased the memory of us having sex, I’d need to recreate a replacement either in his head or for real.
Experience told me I was better off not screwing with this. If it came out later — and Abbott might be upset with me enough to demand I tell Ajax — then trust would be broken even more. If I wanted his trust I needed to be honest.
“Abbott pays you. Not us.”
He stared at me, unblinking. Unemotional. He didn’t understand my point. I tried again. “We want you to be part of our family. Part ofus. You’re here because Abbott wants you to watch over the house, and over us. A personal bodyguard and security expert, totally focused on us and our safety. You aren’t being paid to feed us. If you want to stop that part, you can. You’re choosing to, and maybe some of that is because you know Abbott wants you to, but you’ll still have a job here if you don’t want to join us in bed. We can find other sources to feed us. We enjoy you. Wewantyou.”
He continued to stare at me, so I tried again. “You can get another job, somewhere else, and live here with us as our third. Part of our family. I wantyou, Ajax. Yes, I crave your blood, but that’s because of our connection.”
I sat in a chair, still naked, and looked up at him. My instincts were to get dressed, or at least put a robe on, but I stayed naked and vulnerable. “I care for you. It’s growing into love, Ajax. I fucked up and I’m sorry. Please try to forgive me?”
“Fucking with my head is part of it. There’s nothing to forgive.”
I shook my head. “Our venom is physical. We can make you painfully hard, we can make you orgasm, we can keep you from finding release. We can make our bite hurt, we can put in painful venom or blissful venom. Those are all physical things, like a drug you’d take. I went into your head and cut you off from the part of you that keeps you from being a psychopath. I knew what I was doing, but you didn’t. I won’t apologize for the effects of my venom, but I owe you the biggest of apologies for fucking with who you are while you fucked me.”
He just stared at me. I still wasn’t getting through to him. I picked up my phone and called Abbott. When he answered, I told him, “I fucked up, Master. I broke trust with Ajax. I need him to understand how sorry I am. I should probably be punished for my transgression, with him watching.”
“No!” He walked to me and acted as if he were going to take the phone away from me, but he put his hands behind his back, stopping himself. I sensed so much conflict. The submissive and the Alpha. He was going to have to figure it out, but I couldn’t help him with that right then.
“Please.No. I don’t want to watch you be punished!”
“Tell me.” Abbott’s voice was all business, so I relayed what’d happened in as few words as possible.
“Gavin will arrive at ten o’clock sharp. He’ll let you know my ruling when he arrives, and he’ll deliver the chastisement.”
“Thank you, Master Abbott.”
He disconnected, and I met Ajax’s angry glare. “I don’t know any other way to show you how sorry I am.” I stood and finally put a robe on. “Put some clothes on. I can sense your thirst. You want a milkshake, and I’d love to watch you make it and enjoy it.”
