That had made Jimmy flee into some other woman’s arms.
That made Nicolai’s jaw bunch up with irritation at how he thought I’d maneuvered him into it.
Embarrassment soured to sharp anger. “Stop playing with me. I don’t like it.”
Nicolai turned his head slowly to look at me, and his jaw barely moved as he spoke. “I’m willing.Fuck, if I wasn’t dying to touch you, if you didn’t occupy my every thought, I would’ve said no in the car. I would’ve been kind about it, but I would’ve settled you back into your seat. Instead, at the slightest crook of your little finger, I lose all control, andI don’t losecontrol.”
“You’ve been arguing why you don’t want to ever since we got back.”
“I never said I didn’t want to. I never said I didn’t wantyou.I said weshould not.And I was right. We shouldn’t. But given these choices, I’m willing.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like enthusiastic consent,” I snarked at him.
“Give me five minutes, andyour‘enthusiastic consent’ will more than make up for any perceived deficit on my part.”
“My dude,really,I amnotgoing to pressure you into something you aren’t interested in.Something,meaning,me.Because you’re obviously not interested inme.”
He leaned back to stare down at me.“I’mnot interested? You thinkI’mnot interested inyou?”
Okay, full steam ahead. I wasn’t going to chicken out by fishing for compliments. I was a realist, not a dreamy bride anymore.
Straight gaze, matter-of-fact tone.Let’s effing go.
“Look, Iget it,”I said to him, biting each of my words. “I’mnotyour type, andthat’s okay.Those women at Omnia tonight wereincrediblybeautiful. I was bottom-tier in that crowd.”
Nicolai’s dark eyebrows darted down, and a pop ran through his form like he was flinching backward. “None of that is true, Lexi, and I don’t like you thinking that.”
I swallowed hard because I didn’t need to self-pity myself into crying.
“And hey, I’m a theater kid. I’m at least a little bi, or Iwas.”Thattruth hurt. My voice dropped to a sigh. “Iwasbi, before Jimmy.”
“I don’t think that changes unlessyoudecide it does.”
“My point is thatIwould’ve dragged any one of those women into an alcove and necked with them, or I would have stood on a chair and necked with them. You people are all sotall.So, I understand, and I can’t blame you for having eyes and seeing the obvious.”
That wasn’t a lack of confidence or self-degradation on my part. It was simply the truth, so I went on.“They’reyour type, andthey’reyour standard. And I’mnot.”
Ottalie, Charlotte, and Poppy had all been absolutely beautiful, even though I’d been too jealous of them having casually slept with my supposed-husband to admit it.
And okay, some of that was me saying it out loud before Nicolai did to protect my own pride, but donning a little emotional armor might keep me from making a snot-sobbing idiot of myself.
I’d almost married a guy, Jimmy, who’d been tupping some other engineering student at college.
And then, I had evidently married a different guy who’d rather gowithoutthan smashme.
It wasn’t good for my self-confidence.
That’s why I was so busy flaring my eyelids wide and staring at my legs rolling back and forth under the copper silk of my dress, fidgeting so I wouldn’t die from that terminal case of embarrassment, that I missed when Nicolai started to move.
If my butt hadn’t been sitting on the bed pillows, I would’ve sworn that Nicolai had swept my legs out from under me because my head felt a rush, a sensation of falling and then the bed came up to meet my back, and then he was bracing himself on his arms above me, his knees pinning my legs down with my own skirt.
Nicolai’s voice was breathless, barely above a whisper. “You think I’m notattractedto you, after allthis?”
Surprise stole my breath. “Nicolai?—”
Wide blue eyes, breaths as gasps, his shock looked like he’d been sucker-punched by his best friend. “I’ve had to stop myself from ripping this dress off you since you modeled it this afternoon at the shops. I can’ttouchyou like I’ve wantedto since I saw you for the first time on the sidewalk outside this very club, even before Volkov got me hammered, and you’ve nevereven—and Ishouldn’t?—”
Nicolai squeezed his eyes shut and dipped his head like he was confessing a crime. “I am fuckingenchantedwith you, Lexi. You were out there on the sidewalk, so vulnerable,performing.You were making art with your living-statue performance and giving people a moment of delight, a moment of wonder in theseshittytimes.”
