Peri took his face in her hands and pressed a fervent kiss to his lips. She toned down the power but left the gates open so that Lucian would have a constant ebb and flow coming from her, and he allowed his own magic to flow openly through the bond. It was intimate and safe. Why had she run from this?
Peri laid her head over his heart, soothed by its steady rhythm. She had underestimated the healing power of truly opening herself to her mate. Not even an immortal could weather every storm alone.
“This is a start. We still have much to discuss,” Lucian murmured, echoing his words from the day he’d first realized her secret. “But first, there is someone eager to see you.”
He stepped back, and Nissa strode into the room with her hand held out. A ball of light flew from her palm, hitting Peri smack in the face.
Peri stumbled back, but she didn’t retaliate. She had no right to. Nissa was like a sister to her. One of her oldest friends, if not her oldest. And Peri had betrayed her friend by not sharing her burden with the other high fae.
“Nissa,” Lucian snarled. “You said you were going to yell at her.”
“That’s the equivalent of a yell in our world.” Nissa’s voice was tight with anger. She narrowed her eyes. “How could you keep this from me? Dammit, Peri. I’m nearly as old as you.” Nissa dropped her hand, as if she didn’t trust herself not to shoot another bolt of power at Peri. “Did you think I wouldn’t understand? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I have felt the same thing at times, and it would have been damn nice to know I wasn’t struggling alone?” Her voice rose with every word. It was a side of Nissa few ever saw. The usually calm fae female was in a full-blown rage. “We swore to have each other’s backs, always. Or have you forgotten that pact we made?”
“Nissa, that was over 2,000 years ago.” Peri’s heart twisted in her chest at the betrayal she saw in Nissa’s eyes.
“Years, no matter how many, do not nullify a pact between friends.” Nissa frowned at Peri. “Until you leave this earth, and not on your own damn terms, I have your back and you have mine. That you couldn’t share this with me is worse than a knife in the back.”
“Nissa,” Peri said softly and shook her head. Then, without giving it a second thought, she rushed to the other female and wrapped her arms around Nissa, pulling her in tight.
Nissa was stiff for a few seconds but then wrapped her arms around Peri. As if a dam had broken, Peri felt Nissa’s body begin to shake, and her breathing shuddered as the tears came. Peri held on fiercely. She had not realized how much she needed the contact with her friend. Neither was really the hugging type, but damned if a hug wasn’t just what Peri needed, and hopefully what Nissa needed as well.
“I’m sorry,” Peri said softly. “So, so sorry.” It was a word she was becoming too accustomed to using, especially with those she loved. But she’d continue to use it as often as necessary.
“I swear on this day, where we stand, that if you leave this world, I will leave it with you.” Peri felt a sharp pinch on her arm. She pulled back, but Nissa was too quick. The other fae grabbed Peri’s arm and held on tight. Peri saw the blood and realized that her oldest friend had just made a blood pact.
Peri’s eyes widened as her mouth dropped open. “Nissa, what have you done?”
There was a challenge in the fae’s eyes. “I’ve just made it much more difficult for you to do something stupid. You always talk to others about making stupid decisions. Well, now I’m talking to you about it. You die, I die.”
Lucian cursed under his breath. Clearly, the move had surprised him as well.
“Dammit, Nissa,” Peri snapped and pulled her arm back. The wound had already healed. She ran her hand over the spot, and all the blood disappeared, leaving no evidence of the act. But Peri felt the seriousness of it in her chest. Nissa had bound herself to Peri. That was no small act. But it was also one of the most selfless things someone had ever done for her. She quickly wiped her eyes and then looked at Nissa. Tears ran down her face.
“Promise me you will talk to someone. I don’t care if it’s Lucian, myself, or even a damn human shrink. Promise me you will talk to someone if it ever gets this bad again.”
Nissa pulled back to anxiously search Peri’s face. Peri attempted a reassuring smile.
“I promise.” Peri knew it was a promise shewouldhonor. Jen would totally kidnap a human therapist for her. After all, Peri had kidnapped a boob nurse—err, a lactation specialist—for Jen when she’d had Thia. It was only polite to make your own abduction in return, if necessary.
“Now that that’s settled”—Nissa’s voice went back to her businesslike self—“tell me what you’ve been up to and where we are needed on this chessboard.”
Peri took a seat on her couch and kept her eyes on Nissa as she told her all about what she’d learned when she’d entered Alice’s mind. Peri wanted to drag this conversation out as long as possible, considering she could feel Lucian’s unwavering gaze on her. He was patient but unrelenting. He would not let this go so easily. Her mate was nothing if not tenacious.
Finally, Nissa left with the agreement they would meet with Fane and Jacque in the morning. Not a moment after the door closed, Lucian turned to Peri with resolve etched on his handsome face. Clearly, he was in no mood to let sleeping dogs lie.
Peri sighed, bracing herself. She gestured for him to speak. Lucian took her hands again, grounding her in his touch.
“You say your many years weigh heavily on you, my heart. Help me understand why. Perhaps together we may find a way to ease this burden.”
Where to even begin? Peri stared blindly into the empty fireplace. She pointed at it and shot a ball of power so that the dark space lit up with a small fire. As she stared at the flames, her memories began swirling along with the dancing fire. “I have seen and done terrible things in my life. I’ve made choices that I came to regret. I’ve harmed those I should have protected.” Her throat tightened painfully.
“I don’t remember what’s behind that wall in my mind, but I feel like somehow I failed Nissa when she needed me most. Left her to suffer alone. I can feel it in my gut.” Centuries later, not knowing what she’d done to inflict Nissa’s anguish cut Peri to the core.
Lucian squeezed her hands. “You made amends with your sister long ago. If you had not, then there’s no way she’d be as loyal as she is. Nissa is here, happy and whole. Whatever it was has been forgiven between you.”
“Perhaps,” Peri whispered. “But I swore no harm would ever touch her again. Yet she has endured much pain, as have almost all the people who have been my responsibility.”
Lucian tilted her chin up gently. “We all suffer loss and hardship. You must stop blaming yourself.”
