“Alice,” Lucian addressed the healer. “Cain is not for you. He’s simply become something familiar in this chaotic place, something comfortable. You’re looking for something solid to grasp onto given the turmoil into which your life has been thrown. Despite what your emotions might be telling you, he’s still evil. Get that through your stubborn head and wake the hell up so we can get this place shut down.”
“You don’t know me from Adam, and you’re callingmestubborn?”
“You’re female,” Lucian said flatly. “It’s sort of part of your DNA.”
Peri decided then that it would be in the best interest of everyone to get out of Alice’s head and let Sally take over.
She walked over to Lucian and took his offered hand. For some reason, his touch felt foreign. Though he was her true mate, she suddenly felt unsure of where she stood with him.
“Our home,” he instructed.
“Sally, get our new girl out of here,” Peri told her. “And tell Kara to get in contact with Lizzy. Their shared history will help Lizzy trust us. We’re going to need their trust in order to rescue them.” Then Peri flashed their metaphysical forms out of Alice’s mind.
Peri returned them to their bodies, which had been at the veil to the fae realm. Then she flashed them home.
Peri held Lucian’s fiery gaze, willing her tumultuous emotions to still. She should have known he would sense the full force of her despair through their bond. It was foolish to think she could keep such darkness from him. He’d told her recently that they had much to talk about, and she’d been avoiding that conversation as best she could. Lucian took her face in his hands.
“I’m fine.” She attempted to step back. “Just weary from all the chaos lately.”Lie.How many lies was she going to tell her mate? She’d been essentially running from him for the past couple of weeks.
Lucian’s hands remained firmly cradling her face. “We both know it is far more than simple weariness plaguing you, Beloved.” His voice was much gentler than it had been, but his wolf eyes were raw with rage and saw straight through to her core.
Peri huffed out a breath, looking away. “As I told the Great Luna, it’s nothing to be concerned about. I simply voiced a few private doubts. But I’m still committed to the cause.”
“Doubts big enough that you are ready to end your life?” Lucian’s voice dropped an octave. “Oh yes,nothingconcerning about that.” The bite of sarcasm was unfamiliar coming from her usually composed mate.
Peri’s gaze snapped back to his. “You mock my pain?”
“I would never.” Lucian released her face to grasp her shoulders and gave her a small shake. “But neither will I stand idly by while you suffer. Why did you not come to me with this? How could you keep this fromme?Do I not matter? Do I not deserve to know when the other half of my soul is struggling with something so incredibly painful?” He let her go and ran his hands through his blond hair. He looked so different from Vasile, who had the dark hair, more common with their kind. The blond was striking against his olive-colored skin. Simply put, he was beautiful. Like a work of art hewn by a master craftsman. “How can you expect me to just go on with life as ifnothingwas wrong?”
Shame heated Peri’s cheeks. She pulled out of his hold and threw her hands up. “Of course you matter,” she practically yelled. “Of course you deserve to know all the things about me. Do you think it’s easy for me not to talk to you? Do you think I enjoy running from my freaking mate?”
“I don’t know what to think anymore, mate.” The coldness suddenly returned to his voice. Peri could practically feel the frost from his breath.
“I didn’t want to appear weak. And it hardly matters now. The Great Luna has commanded me to keep fighting.”
“And it will be the one command you will absolutely follow to the letter. I will not lose you. Regardless of the fact that I was supposed to follow you into death, you would find some damn way to make sure I didn’t.” Lucian’s eyes blazed.
Damn. He knew her too well.
Emotion clogged Peri’s throat at the ferocity in his voice. She had never doubted Lucian’s devotion as her mate. But clearly the depth of his love still had the power to humble her.
Seeing her soften, Lucian tucked a strand of silver hair behind her ear. “Talk to me, Beloved. Let me help shoulder this burden.”
Peri let out a slow breath. Perhaps it was time she stopped trying to shield him from her demons. Lucian’s strength was hers to share now. Why she continued to struggle with that was beyond her. “You know how long I have lived,” she began quietly. “But can you truly fathom all I have seen and done? The magnitude of my life experience grows heavier with each century. I’m beginning to think I’m going insane. How can a person live this long andnotgo crazy?” She raised her eyes to meet his silver ones. “The Great Luna says I must put my past behind me, but how can I when it haunts my every step? When will I be free of this guilt?”
Lucian considered her seriously. “You know I cannot answer that. I can only remind you that guilt serves no one, least of all yourself.” Gently, he brushed a tear from her cheek. “The past cannot be changed, but the present awaits. Each moment we have together is a gift. I will not see you squander it in misery. I will not see you live a half-life with one foot in the grave and one foot in the living world.”
Peri leaned into his touch. “When I am with you, I can forget the shadows, at least for a time. But they always return. They’re always waiting in the back of my mind, ready to attack. For so long, I could ignore them. But the cold fire… It’s as if that fire incinerated all the shields I’d erected. You give me a reprieve. And I treasure it.”
"Then don’t run from me any longer.” The hurt in his eyes nearly broke her. “If all your other shields have failed, then now you let me be your shield. You let me bear the burden with you. You let me be your shoulder to lean on, and when you find that you’re too weak to walk, you let me be the one who carries you. I am yourmate. Made for you and you for me. We weren’t meant to go at this alone. I will be your shield.”
Peri nodded her head. “Okay.” It was one word, but it felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted from her shoulders. “Okay,” she said again with stronger conviction as she looked into Lucian’s eyes. She reached out her hand to him, and he took it without hesitation. Always without hesitation. “Do you remember the first time I showed you my power?”
“By the river?” He tilted his head, his lips kicking up in a small smile. “That’s not something I’ll likely ever forget.”
Peri unlocked the hold she held on her power and let it flow through her body straight into Lucian. She didn’t worry about whether he could handle it. The Great Luna would not have destined him to be hers if he wilted under the heat of Peri’s magic. And of course he didn’t. Instead, he pulled her to him and wrapped an arm around her waist. She let go of everything and let him in. Now Lucian would see all 3,000 years that was Perizada, high fae, ambassador, and his mate. She swallowed down her pride and pushed away the shame that had no place between them. She knew in her heart of hearts that Lucian would never shame her. But she’d let herself believe the lies her mind had concocted out of fear. No more.
“Damn straight,” he echoed her thoughts. “From now on you keep this open between us. I am always open to you and you alone.”
