“Wow,” she whispered softly, eyes wide with amazement. Her breathing quickened, and the smell of excitement mixed with that of her fear, although the latter was quickly replaced by curiosity. Lilly extended her arm, and Dillon stepped closer so she could feel his fur. It was as pleasant to be touched in his wolf form as it was when he was in his human form. His beast longed for contact; he missed that part of being in a pack.
“You’re breathtakingly beautiful,” she said, her voice achingly soft.
Dillon’s heart beat faster as he watched her, mesmerized. Once back in his human form and dressed, he sat down beside her. Dillon took her delicate hands in his rough ones, tracing the blue veins beneath her porcelain skin with the tip of his calloused finger. He moved closer, his skin growing clammy with fear as he struggled to find the right words to tell her. Dillon knew that with just a few words the tremors of destruction would begin, and there would be no going back; they could never recover from the truth he had to tell her.
“The fact that you are a werewolf isn’t what you were afraid to tell me, was it?” Lilly’s voice cracked, and her shoulders began to quake. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. Lilly’s anguish was palpable, and he wanted to rip himself apart for being the root of her misery.
He closed his eyes and shook his head. Be a man, Dillon. Then, like a coward, he started spouting trivial facts. Or trivial in comparison to the bomb he needed to drop on her. “Our race is different from yours, obviously. We live much longer for one thing. We heal quickly. It is difficult for the females to carry their pregnancies to term. Unlike your government, our packs aren’t a democracy. There is an alpha in each pack, and he and his mate maintain order between dominant males that would otherwise cause havoc with challenges of dominance.” He paused. Get to the damn point, his wolf snarled.
She looked confused as she watched him. “As interesting as all of those facts are, Dillon, they’re not what’s got you agitated. What aren’t you telling me?”
A growl rumbled up from his chest, and he didn’t try to hide it now that she knew what he was. “We’re also different in the way that we mate, or”—his words faltered—“what you call marriage.”
Lilly’s hands tightened in his. “Different how?”
“Dammit.” The breath whooshed out of him. “I should have told you. In all honesty, I should have never asked you out.”
“What?” She recoiled as if he had struck her. “Why would you say that?”
“This isn’t fair to you, and I know it.” His voice was a pained whisper as he looked into her eyes. “I had no right to fall in love with you, let alone allow you to fall in love with me. Both of our hearts will be broken when the inevitable happens.”
“You cannot allow me anything, Dillon. I’m a grown woman.” She rubbed her forehead. “What do you mean when the inevitable happens?”
“Us. The end of us.”
She shook her head in confusion, her forehead creasing. Dillon knew he was causing her pain, and he hated it. “Are you breaking up with me? Is that what you’re saying?”
Dillon leaned his head far back and studied the ceiling. He couldn’t vocalize the thoughts that were clogging his mind as every muscle in his body tensed. Never had he wished that he were human, but in that moment, it was the only thing he wanted. He cursed under his breath, then with a swift motion, he rose to his feet and let go of her hand. He walked to the center of the room and shoved his hands in his pockets. “You don’t understand. Canis lupus have true mates.” He forced himself to look her in the eye. She deserved that, and so much more. “Or soul mates, for lack of a better term. They are two halves of one whole. Each has the other half of their mate’s soul.”
Lilly fixed him with a puzzled stare as he spoke, her face slowly twisting with despair as the full weight of his words sunk in.
Dillon swallowed hard as he continued. “The true mate of a Canis lupus must be another Canis lupus. The males of our race have a darkness within them. It comes with having a beast that lives inside of us. The darkness slowly grows, and without our true mate’s light to keep the darkness at bay, it will consume us. Males that do not find their true mates become feral wolves, eventually having to be put down.”
“Have you met your true mate?” It sounded as if she’d forced the words from her mouth.
Dillon gave a sardonic grunt. “No,” he bit out. “I wouldn’t be with you if I had. The pull between mates is undeniable.”
“You love me.” It wasn’t a question, but he responded anyway.
“Yes.”
“But I’m not your true mate.” Her eyes dropped, and her shoulders fell forward.
“No,” he mumbled. “It can take decades or longer for a wolf to find their true mate. When or even if I find my true mate, I will not be able to stay with you. That is simply a fact. It’s the nature of my species. I wouldn’t be able to fight the pull to her, and I wouldn’t want to. And even if I don’t find her, I will eventually go feral. I would be a danger to you and anyone else around me.” He clenched his fists tightly and stared at the ground. “I don’t know how much time I can give you. But I will understand if you want to break this off. In fact, we should.”
Lilly’s head snapped up, and her eyes widened. “I don’t want that. I love you, Dillon. I can’t imagine my life without you.”
Dillon pulled his hands from his pockets and ran them through his wavy hair. Her words were like a knife twisting in his gut. “That’s the problem, wild Lilly. Whether you can imagine it or not, a life without me will eventually be a reality. I wish I could promise a life with you, but I can’t.” He pointed his finger at the door. “If my true mate walked through that door right now, no matter how I feel about you, my soul would choose her. My wolf would choose her.”
Tears tracked slowly down Lilly’s face. Her glassy eyes were filled with both anguish and hope. “And the man?”
Dillon felt as if he was being ripped in half. Tendon, bone, and muscle viciously separated as he told her the truth that he wished he could spare her. “The man would be divided.” He stepped toward her and then kneeled, taking her face in his hands. “I am sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
Lilly leaned forward until their foreheads touched, and he felt her warm breath on his face. Her voice shook. “Today, right now, you are mine. And I am yours.”
Since his parents’ death, Dillon had not felt so helpless. The part of him that was Canis lupus longed for his true mate. No matter how he felt about Lilly, the darkness inside of him grew daily, and she could not keep it from spreading. That didn’t mean there wasn’t a place in his heart that had been carved for her.
“I understand what you’re telling me.”
