He huffed out a laugh and then seemed to make a decision. “I was born into the Montana pack by parents who couldn’t have been better examples of what it meant to love without conditions,” he began.
Tanya stood back up and settled on Lisa’s bed, getting comfortable as she listened to the rumble of his voice.
“I had an ideal childhood within a small but strong pack. We lived in peace and abundance. And I thought life would always be that easy. I longed for the day when I would meet my true mate, and I could share with her the kind of faithfulness that my father showed my mother.” He paused, and Tanya found herself reaching through the bond, picturing his hand and wrapping hers around his. He, in turn, held on tightly as he continued. “I never imagined tragedy would touch my perfect world. But that was before hunters discovered wolves—large wolves living in the Montana mountains. Wolves the size of which they’d never seen. And killing one became an obsession for many of them. We were the ultimate prize in their need to have the largest predator stuffed in their homes to show off like a shiny trophy.”
Bile rose in Tanya’s throat as she listened. She wanted to tell him to stop, but she also felt like he needed to tell her. Dillon needed to share this story with someone that would completely understand. Even if he once shared it with the human woman, that female would never fully understand what it was to be Canis lupus, to be hunted like an animal and treated as if your existence were simply for sport.
“One day, while my parents were out hunting on their own, without the pack, they were ambushed. Both were killed. Something inside of me died that day.”
He seemed to be ashamed of that admission, though Tanya wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t responsible for the death of his parents, and no one could fault him for feeling destroyed.
“Yes, I had the right to grieve.” He answered her confused thoughts. “But instead of being there with my pack, grieving with them because I wasn’t the only one hurting, I ran. I only thought about how their deaths affected me. I wanted to get as far from their deaths as I could, though obviously that wasn’t possible.” He sighed, and Tanya felt the heavy burden on his shoulders. “Their deaths followed me, as did the anger that grew inside of me. I lived for a decade as a lone wolf in the small town of Coldspring. And that was where I met Lilly.”
She winced at the woman’s name, but then took a deep breath and drew strength from not only Lisa’s words but her Creator’s, as well.
“I could lie and say she was just a distraction from the pain that still lingered. But I won’t disrespect you that way. She became a friend, then someone I loved. I gave her something I never should have, but I won’t lie and say that I never cared for her. I regret my choices, leaving when I should have stayed with my pack. Remaining faithful to the woman I would one day meet and share my soul with. But I can’t change them.”
Tanya swallowed as she prepared herself for the answer to the question she was about to ask. “Did you tell her what you are? Did she know that you would never really be hers?” Tanya wasn’t trying to be mean. She didn’t know Lilly. She didn’t know what kind of woman she was. But she couldn’t help but feel curious about the type of female that would have drawn Dillon to her.
“After a time, yes. I told her. I didn’t think it was fair to her that she did not know what she was getting involved with and what would one day happen. I gave her the choice to walk away because I would never truly be hers.”
Tanya was surprised to realize that she felt sorry for Lilly. To love a man that couldn’t love her to the same extent in return. “And she chose you, anyway.”
“She did.”
“I want her to be a villain. I don’t want to admire her, and yet it would take a very loving woman to make such a choice. Did she ever show bitterness at her circumstances?”
Dillon seemed hesitant to answer. But then she felt his resolve. “No. She was gracious. She said that the true mate I would one day meet would be the luckiest woman on earth. I pointed out that my future mate might not feel that way when she learned of my relationship with a human.”
He didn’t say it, but Tanya saw the memory in his mind. “If she’s a woman worth having, she will forgive you,” Lilly had said.
“I believe you’re a woman worth having, whether or not you forgive me, Tanya. I was yours, and yet I shared that with another. It would have never happened if I had stayed where I belonged—with my pack, being what they needed me to be.”
Tanya considered his words and then sighed. “We are the sum of our wise decisions and our poor ones. When I show that I am perfect without fault, then I can judge you. I won’t deny that I’m hurt. And it might take time for that to heal. But I won’t give up what was created just for us. My soul, my wolf, and even me, want a chance with you.” Saying the words, admitting them not only to him but to herself, as well, lifted an enormous weight that had settled on her shoulders and threatened to crush her to the ground. New breath rushed into her lungs, and new tears filled her eyes—only these tears were full of hope. Their trials could make them stronger or tear them apart and leave a legacy of brokenness for their pack. She refused to be that.
“Thank you.” Dillon’s voice was full of anguish, hope, and love.
That love flooded the bond like a dam being broken and rushing into an empty gorge. The places inside of her that her own despair had shadowed lit up with the possibility of love and a new life.
“I know you still want me to stay here,” he told her, obviously having seen the thoughts in her mind. “But know that there is no place I want to be other than by your side.”
Tanya could feel the truth and sincerity in those words, and she soaked them up like a dry desert getting rain for the first time in a century. “I was dreading coming home. But now it doesn’t seem like such a tragedy waiting to happen. I can’t promise that I won’t have moments where I find myself struggling to understand, but I promise to talk to you about it. I promise to give our relationship everything that I can.”
“All that I am is yours, Tanya. Faults and all, I am yours and will be til death and after.”
Chapter
Thirteen
“Tragically, we are unable to choose the life that we are born into. We can only do our best with the hand we have been dealt, then strive to overcome any difficulties that come with that hand. We can count ourselves successful if the way we play our hand results in a better hand being dealt to our children than the one we received.” ~Penelope
“Sometimes I feel like my life will never have meaning.” Penelope stared out the window at Dillon, who was sparring with the warriors of the Colorado pack.
Rose sat skillfully braiding Penelope’s hair. She clucked her tongue at the girl. “Of course your life has meaning. How could you say something like that?”
Penelope wanted to roll her eyes, but such disrespectful actions had been conditioned out of her. Jeremiah didn’t like it when she rolled her eyes or did anything else he found offensive, like breathe, for instance. “Because I’m basically a servant in a pack where I don’t really fit in.” Penelope forced her voice to remain steady, despite the emotion caught in her throat. “I don’t fit anywhere. Human, but not human. Canis lupus, but not Canis lupus. I’ll never be more than this.”
Rose’s hands rested on Penelope’s shoulders, and Penelope imagined the disappointed look in the alpha female’s eyes staring back at her. Rose was one of the few in the pack who treated Penelope with kindness.
