Gerick stepped closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. He rested his hand against her cheek, and without asking, he pressed his lips to hers. He didn’t push for more but simply let himself enjoy her mouth against his own. She pushed closer to him, and he gladly held her tighter.
“And the awkward moments just keep coming,” Peri said, obviously having flashed back into the room.
Gerick ignored her and bit Myanin’s bottom lip gently. “Come back to me. Soon.”
She nodded, her eyes a little unfocused as she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly. “I’m glad it’s you,” she whispered. “Even if I don’t know much about you yet. I know enough to know that I have been given more than I deserve in a mate.”
Gerick swallowed his emotions and then let her go when she stepped out of his arms. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his long life. He watched as she pulled out her phone and typed into it. A moment later, Tenia appeared.
“Everything okay?” the fae asked as she looked around the room.
“I’m not dead,” Myanin joked, though Gerick didn’t find it funny. She gave Gerick one last long look before turning to her friend. “We need to go back.”
Tenia nodded. She held her hand out to Myanin, who clasped it. She turned back to look at him.
“I’ll see you soon,” he said. It wasn’t a question. It was a command, and he didn’t attempt to hide that fact.
She nodded. “Yes sir,” she said with a smirk that made him want to grab her and keep her with him. Instead, he stood there and watched his mate disappear from his sight.
“She can take care of herself, Gerick,” Peri said, but he didn’t tear his eyes away from the empty spot where she’d stood.
“That may be true, but she shouldn’t have to. Not anymore.”
* * *
Skender had thoughthe’d known shame. He’d thought that he’d understood utter darkness and regret, but he’d been a fool. As his mate walked toward him, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He didn’t have a right to look at her. Hell, he didn’t have the right to breathe the same air as her, but still he couldn’t stay away. She was his light. She was his everything. And she deserved so much better. The only thing he could offer her was the safety of her child. He would do anything it took to keep Torion safe.
Tenia stopped a few feet away from him. She was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen, and not just because of her outward beauty, but because of the goodness he could feel from their bond. He’d been careful not to intrude into her mind, but his curiosity would get the better of him at times, especially when she was asleep, and her guard was down. Skender couldn’t help but look into her mind. She loved her son deeply. It was a love that Skender would never know. The wolf knew Tenia could never love him. At the moment, she couldn’t stand him simply because he was a part of the Order. Once she found out the depths of his depravity—all he’d done because he’d wanted to find his mate so badly, how far he’d sunk because he’d foolishly bought into the Order’s lies—she’d not only dislike him, but she’d also hate him.
“Thank you,” she said, her body rigid and her voice tight. “For keeping him safe.”
“You don’t owe me anything, least of all your thanks,” Skender said. “I don’t deserve it. You are my mate, and he is your child, which means I claim him as my own. There is nothing I won’t do to keep him and you safe.” He’d never meant anything more in his life. Goddess, what he wouldn’t do to turn back the hands of time and make different choices, but that was impossible. Nothing he could do would make up for all the pain he’d caused. He knew that.
“I met someone from your pack.” Tenia’s eyes met his briefly then she looked away.
Skender felt nauseous. He was afraid she would ask him to leave once she knew his secrets. He couldn’t. Skender wouldn’t leave her vulnerable. “Who?” He tried to sound neutral and unaffected.
“Perizada’s mate. I don’t know what you did,” she said, “but I know it was bad. Even worse than just being a part of the Order.”
He couldn’t lie to her, though he wouldn’t simply offer up the information unless she directly asked him. “It was,” he agreed. Skender could feel the disappointment through their bond. She’d wanted to believe he was more than the Order’s soldier. She’d been holding out hope that, maybe, he was like her and had been forced to be there.
She opened her mouth to speak, but Skender cut her off.
“Please,” he said, his voice shaking with emotion. “Don’t ask me.” Skender shook his head as emotion flooded his body. He nearly choked on the overwhelming pain running through him. “It’s bad enough that I live with it. I live with knowing I will never be worthy of you.” He kept his voice low, though no one else was in the hall with them. Skender stepped closer to her. He didn’t reach out to touch her. She was good and pure, and he was filthy. He would never put his hands on her again, afraid he might taint her.
Tenia’s face fell, and her shoulders slumped forward.
“I’m sorry, mate,” Skender said, his wolf coming to the forefront. Her head raised, meeting the glowing eyes of his wolf. “I will not let the human’s evil touch you. In my own desperation for my mate, I did not stop him. I swear to you, I will protect you and our pup.” Skender’s wolf bowed his head to their mate, and Skender felt his own beast’s hatred for him, for the man he shared a body with. The man had robbed them of their light. He’d ruined any chance of having the precious joy that was a true mate.
He stepped aside so she could enter the room where Torion slept. He’d been listening closely to the child, making sure the boy was all right. Skender had managed to find some fae who were only in the Order because of blackmail by Alston, and they’d been more than willing to help him guard Torion when he’d had to leave for errands Alston demanded he do. Skender always returned as quickly as he could. He hated leaving, but he couldn’t let Alston know he no longer held Skender’s complete loyalty.
Tenia walked to the door. She stepped closer, though not touching him. “No matter what you’ve done, I hope you will find peace one day. I hope you seek forgiveness from the Great Luna,” she said, her voice full of disappointment. The grief ripping through the bond nearly drove him to his knees. She pushed the door open then closed it behind her. Skender knew as soon as he got them safely away from the Order, if he didn’t die saving them, he would go to Costin and lay his life at the wolf’s feet. At least he could offer Costin the right to which he was entitled: the right to vengeance for how Skender had wronged him and hurt his mate. His former packmate deserved nothing less.
Tenia pressedher back against the door and slid down until she was sitting. Oddly enough, the door was the one place where the cameras weren’t pointed. So, for the moment, she was unwatched, and she could finally let go. Her eyes landed on Torion, who was asleep on the bed. He was blurry because tears had filled her eyes the minute she’d stepped into the room. Tenia felt as if her heart had been crushed inside of her. She didn’t know Skender. Yet, she could feel his humiliation, his regret, and his complete self-loathing through their bond, even with it shut as tightly as she could close it. His emotions were so powerful she read them loud and clear. Whatever he’d done, it was bad, even worse than what Myanin had done. Every horrible scenario ran through her mind. Had he killed a child? Was he like the evil men they’d left in the prisons? Bile rose in her throat at the thought, and she had to force the ideas away for fear she’d vomit right there on the floor.
After seeing how Myanin had changed, watching how her heart had healed, and then seeing how Gerick had reacted to her, Tenia had allowed a tiny seed of hope to grow inside. For a split second, she’d thought maybe, just maybe, there was a chance she could give Skender the benefit of the doubt. Maybe whatever he’d done could be fixed or he could be redeemed. But if he’d hurt a child, raped a woman, or something as equally abhorrent, she would never be able to get past it. She’d never want his love or desire his touch. She would always wonder if someone capable of such things even had the capacity to love. Yearning for that small hope of redemption, and then realizing it was futile, was more painful than she’d expected.
Tenia pressed her face into her hands and silently cried. Her shoulders shook as her mouth opened in a silent scream. How could life be so cruel? Why did some get to experience the love of another while others suffered the absence of it? Had she done something to deserve her current trial?
