“You mean outside of my mind?”Kara shivered, and Nick immediately pressed his side against her. The warmth of his body seeped into hers, and the sensation felt so incredibly real that she nearly cried. Her desperation forthisreality to be her life, instead of what was happening outside of her mind, was the only thing that gave her any hope.
“Yes, sweetheart. We will meet again in the real world. Our bond is growing stronger every time you come back to me here. I will be able to find you soon.”Though his words were gentle, she could hear the frustration that filled his voice. He truly cared for her.Morethan cared for her. Nick loved her. He told her every time she said goodbye before she was sucked back to reality.
“I wish I could remember you,”she whispered into his mind.
“Can I ask you something?”Nick plucked a piece of grass from the ground and began to twist it. When it broke, he plucked another piece and did the same.
“Of course,”Kara answered as she watched his hands.
“When we meet like this”—he motioned between them—“our souls are seeking one another. That is because we are true mates. But we shouldn’t be able to because some powerful magic is blocking our bond. The only way to overcome that barrier is if one of us is experiencing something that causes profound emotion.”He paused and took a deep breath as if he needed to gather his courage to continue.“I am under extreme strain being apart from you. That is giving my soul the emotional fuel to seek you out. But you must be experiencing something terribly emotional as well or you wouldn’t be here. What is happening when your soul reaches for mine? What is the intense emotional experience that gives you the power over the magic separating us?”
Kara shifted so they were no longer touching shoulder to shoulder. The warmth from his nearness fled as though ice water was being injected into her veins. Kara’s lungs tightened, and it became difficult to draw in air. Her mind rebelled against the idea of bringing the outside world into their safe place. “Nick,” she started, speaking out loud instead of through the more intimate mind-to-mind bond. Her voice sounded scratchy as she attempted to force sound past strained vocal cords.
He turned his body so that he was facing her. Kara didn’t want to look at him. She didn’t want him to see the answer in her eyes. After all, the eyes were the windows to the soul, right? She had no doubt he would see what her soul was defending her from during her escapes to this reality.
“Kara, look at me, sweetheart,” he said gently. When she didn’t move, he leaned forward so he could grip her hips in both hands, and then he turned her body until she faced him. He lifted her chin. She kept her eyes closed. “You can tell me anything,” he assured her.
She nearly blurted out, “Not this,” but then clamped her lips shut. Kara shook her head, or tried to, but Nick’s hand still held her chin, forcing her head to remain still.
“Do you want to know why I’m able to meet you, despite the bond being weakened?” His voice was soft, coaxing, as he ran his thumb just under her bottom lip. She still didn’t respond, but she did find herself leaning into his touch. “You are my world. From the moment I laid eyes on you, everything else disappeared and you became the air that I breathe, the food that I eat, the drink for which I thirst. Without you, half of me is missing. There’s no reason to laugh, no reason to enjoy life, no reason to live if you aren’t there. I am slowly going out of my mind, and the only thing holding me together is these moments we have like this. The only thing keeping me from going feral is this.” He cupped her cheek, and she finally opened her eyes. Kara needed to see the truth in his dark orbs. “Seeing you, touching you, smelling your scent, even only through the bond, is all that keeps me from killing anything and anyone around me.”
Tears ran down her cheeks. She looked at his handsome face and saw raw emotion there. Nick’s body trembled as if his nerves were exposed to the elements and the sensation was too much for him to handle. Kara clenched her hands into fists and reached for the strength that had kept her from losing her mind while in foster care. This would not break her. She wouldn’t let it. And if Nick was real, then she wouldn’t allow Ludcarab to take away the possibility of being reunited with him. This man claimed to be her true mate and unabashedly admitted his feelings for her. If he really was who he said he was, then this terrible truth wouldn’t break either of them.
Letting out a quick breath, she finally spoke. “Every night, I have to escape into my mind because the reality of what is happening is not something I can face. At least, not right now. Maybe if it was only once…” She shook her head. “No, not even once. I created this place in my mind the very first time. But since then, every night for a month, I return here and leave my body with him.” Kara shuddered at her words. The mere idea of Ludcarab touching her made bile rise in her throat. Giving voice to the thought was almost too much even in this reality.
Nick’s eyes began to glow, and a low rumble filled the quiet space around them. Kara watched his arms sprout fur and claws erupt from his fingertips. He took several very deep breaths, and the changes stopped. A second later, he was once again just a man.
“Are you all right?” Kara wanted to reach for his hand and clasp it tightly in hers. But she didn’t know if her touch would be welcome after what she’d just revealed.
Nick moved as fast as lightning. He grabbed her around the waist and hoisted Kara up, settling her sideways on his lap. He wrapped an arm around her body until his hand rested on her hip, his fingers stretching all the way to her stomach. She marveled at how much bigger he was than her. “You—and only you—can touch me anytime,” he said, having heard her thoughts. “Don’t ever hesitate.”
He buried his face in her neck, and she felt his warm breath on her skin. She heard a hitch in his breathing. His shoulders shook, and Kara realized he was crying. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him tighter, as if this incredibly strong male needed her to hold him together.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered so softly she barely heard him. “This is my fault.”
Kara shook her head. “No, Nick. The blame falls on the Order.”
“They wouldn’t have gotten to you if we hadn’t been fighting,” he said. “You needed to get away from me because I drove you crazy with my refusal to complete the bond. You were in a vulnerable position because I refused to compromise. Itismy fault.”
Kara wished she could understand what he was talking about, but the memories weren’t there. No matter how she searched her mind, there was only an empty space where her recollections should be. “I was aware that the Order was a threat, and yet I chose to put myself in a situation that compromised my safety. Doesn’t that make me to blame?”
He pulled his head up and looked at her, his brow drew down in a deep V. “No. You didn’t purposely put yourself in a vulnerable position. You were just trying to keep from strangling me, which I assure you I deserved.”
“Regardless of how I ended up here, it doesn’t matter. The past is the past. We can’t get stuck there because then we will never move forward. We will never figure a way out of this,” she told him. Kara was still cold as she sat in his lap, resting in his arms and firmly pressed against his chest. “I need to get out of here, Nick.” She held his eyes as she spoke. “One way or another, I cannot stay here. My sanity hinges on these moments with you. I don’t remember what we are to each other, but I know that there is something powerful between us. Somehow I am going to get free of the elf king's clutches.”
It didn’t take him long to figure out what she implied. “No.” He shook his head, his jaw clenched tightly. “It’s selfish of me to ask this of you, but if you’re implying death, I cannot accept that. This life has no meaning without you.”
Kara pressed her hand to his cheek. His eyes were glassy from the tears he’d shed while he held her close. “I will not let Ludcarab win,” she told him gently. “Even if I die, I will kill him first. I cannot keep doing this, Nick.” Her voice trembled as the tightly controlled emotions began to unravel. “I cannot keep allowing him to have pieces of my soul, because that’s what happens every time he takes my unwilling body.” Kara’s hand dropped from Nick’s face and curled into a fist. She slammed it into his chest. Then she shook her head as a sob wrenched from deep in her gut. “I can’t.” She punched him again. Nick simply held her and let her beat his chest. Over and over, her knuckles connected with his hard body. She didn’t know why she unleashed her anger on him, but Nick didn’t attempt to stop her. He didn’t placate her with false hope or attempt to soothe her. And for that, she was grateful. Kara didn’t want empty words. She wanted permission to lose her shit. She needed to unleash her rage into something other than an empty bathroom with scalding hot water and soap that would never wash away the filth that permeated her skin. Kara needed to express every feeling that threatened to suffocate her. Every morning as her eyes opened, she knew that eventually the sun would set, and her torture would start all over again. Shame radiated from deep within her chest, and it felt like her heart would split in two. Logically, she knew this wasn’t her fault. She’d done nothing to deserve Ludcarab’s actions, and yet the humiliation wouldn’t leave. Like a disgusting oil that clung to her skin, coating every inch of her, the shame left her unclean. The thought forced her face into Nick’s unyielding chest as she let out a scream so violent it terrified her. She thought the sound must be coming from some terribly wounded beast rather than her own throat.
As the echoes of the scream died away, Kara felt Nick’s hand run down the back of her hair. Over and over, he petted her, though he still didn’t speak. She felt comfort flowing through the bond that connected them, but she also felt his deep sense of desolation because he’d been unable to protect her.
Kara clutched his shirt in her hands, her face still pressed against him as her tears soaked the fabric. No matter how many times she told herself to pull it together, she only cried harder. She’d been so alone, even in the presence of the three female elves who tended to her. They weren’t her family, her pack.Pack?The word resonated inside of her. It felt right, even though she wasn’t entirely sure why. Just like she wasn’t entirely sure why she felt comfortable enough with Nick that she allowed herself to fall apart in front of him.
Her breathing began to calm as Kara started to regain dominance of the torrential tsunami that had been her loss of control. The tears subsided, and her tense muscles relaxed. She turned her head until her cheek rested against Nick’s shoulder. If it was up to her, she’d never leave this position. She’d happily stay in his protective embrace forever.
“I would give anything to hold you for eternity,” he told her. Kara felt his lips against the top of her head.
She leaned back and tilted her head up. The passion in his glowing eyes burrowed deep into her and chased away the cold with its warmth. She didn’t have to ask him for what she wanted. Kara knew he could pick it straight out of her mind.
