I peel myself away from her and drop my hands to my sides. “Get the fuck out of here. Don’t come back unless I ask you to.”
She swallows hard and steps backward without looking at me. I think she’s going to say something, but she reaches for the door handle and leaves. My heart’s pumping so fast and the blood’s rushing through my body with such force that I can hear my own heartbeat.Fuck her.I refuse to let her play me again.
I didn’t sleepat all. Staying up all night isn’t unusual for me, but typically it is because of work. Most of my life I’ve steered clear of anything that could make me vulnerable. Even taking in Coco was a huge step and a leap of faith, but I thought I got away unscathed when years passed and nothing happened.
By the time the sun peeks over the city skyline, exhaustion has seeped into my bones. My only company during the night was my Cognac and the city I love. Settled into my favorite chair, facing the floor-to-ceiling windows, I sipped Louis and punished myself for my stupidity.
“Did you sleep?” Coco asks, wrapping her arm around me as she leans over the back of the chair.
I place my hand on top of hers over my chest. “I didn’t hear you get up.”
“I doubt you’re processing much right now.”
Her head rests on my shoulder as I stroke the back of her hand. “I’m always processing,” I tell her, keeping my eyes trained on the city coming alive in front of us.
“Are we going to talk about what I did and how mad you are at me?”
My hand stills, and I turn my head to the side and look at her. “I’m not mad at you, Coco. It’s useless to stay mad. I love you too much for that. I’m mad at myself.”
She comes around the chair, settling on the floor in front of me. She places her hands in her lap and glances down at the floor. “Don’t beat yourself up. If I hadn’t been so stupid…”
“No,” I tell her, lifting her chin with my fingers to bring her eyes back to mine. “It would’ve happened eventually.”
“You’re too careful to get popped on your own.”
“Caroline.”
Her eyes widen when I use her formal name. I only ever pull it out when I’m being serious and want her full attention.
“I let her get too close. I let her in. Eventually, I would’ve fucked up and gotten too comfortable with her. I knew she was hiding something, but I didn’t stop myself. I couldn’t stop myself.” I cup her face in my hands and soften my tone. “You’re not to blame for this. I knew what I was doing with her. The blame is entirely mine. I won’t discuss this again with you.”
Her eyes drop to the floor. “I may have opened my big mouth last night.”
I close my eyes and brace myself. “What did you do?”
She pulls my hands from her face and scoots back a few feet. “I may have told her your secret.” She winces.
I dig my fingertips into my forehead before dragging my hands down my face. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Coco.”
“It doesn’t?” Her face transforms before her mouth drops open. “You can’t mean that.”
“What did you tell her at this point that she didn’t already know?”
Her hands twist together in her lap as she stares down at them. “I told her what you do with the money.”
Kennedy’s words come back to me. “I didn’t know,” she said last night.
Now I understand them.
“It’s fine. I have nothing to hide from them now.”
“But…”
“No,” I tell her and lean back into the chair that’s almost molded to my body because I’ve been sitting here for too long. “No more talking about this. What’s done is done. Go get showered and head out. I’m going to go to bed.”
“Okay,” she whispers before pushing herself to her feet. “I love you, Nix.”
“Love you too, Coco.”
