“I’m great. I’m just so excited and happy to see you,” he said smoothly.
Bullshit.He’d never shaken before. He was no more excited this time than he had been before. I knew the symptoms of withdrawals, his body craving alcohol. He needed it. My heart sank with the knowledge that he had been experiencing physical pain. Was he a full-blown alcoholic—always been an alcoholic—or had the last couple weeks just taken a toll on his body?
We’d never stayed home during our time together. We always found our way to a bar or a club. I guess the signs had been there, but I never made the connection.
He grabbed my bag and held my hand as we walked to his truck. Quiet filled the air during our walk. Would we start this trip the same as we always had before? Our relationship wasn’t merely physical, but we needed it like the air we breathed. He threw my bag in his truck. He turned around, faced me, and drew me into a soul-sucking kiss. I’d missed his commanding kisses, searing touch, and suffocating passion. I needed the reassurance that we were okay—that he was okay.
He turned my body away from his and pushed me against the hood of his truck. I could hear the zipper of his pants moving quickly. Was he really going to fuck me right here in the open? My heart pounded with the fear of being caught. It sounded like thunder filling my ears. Cool air caressed my flesh as he lifted the back of my dress. Placing his hand on my shoulder, he used the leverage to push his hard cock inside me. I rested my hands on the hood, trying to find anything to hold on to. This is the man I knew, the one who was so filled with lust and longing that he couldn’t wait to be buried inside me.
I couldn’t focus on our surroundings. Were there other people nearby? Cameras? My mind raced with thoughts, but the battering of his cock drove all rational thinking from my brain. I was mindless with lust and longing for Kayden. I only cared about the feeling of him inside me and his skin grazing my ass. He held both of my shoulders, rendering me immobile, unrelenting in his pursuit of release.
His breathing quickened and turned erratic as his body shook. “Fuck,” he moaned. He filled me with his warmth as his body became limp against my back.
“Jesus.” I had never been so reckless in my life, and I couldn’t think of another word to express my surprise. He pulled his cock out of me, causing his come to run down my inner thigh. I lay there in shock for a moment before moving. Had I just allowed him to fuck me outside? I loved when Kayden went all caveman, when he took me without asking, ravaged my body, and used me entirely.
Kayden turned my limp body, propping my back against the truck, and kissed me deeply. His kiss conveyed all the emotions he felt in that moment—love, lust, sadness, longing, and comfort. Breaking the kiss, he stared into my eyes. “I love you, Sophia. I’m in love with you, consumed, head over heels. My life would end without you… I need you. Don’t ever leave me, Sophia.”
Lost in his eyes and absorbed in the emotion of the moment, I caressed his face. “I’m yours…always,” I said. “I’ve searched my entire life for you, and I’m not willing to throw you away so easily. Don’t shut me out anymore.”
He rested his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. “I never shut you out. I don’t know how to explain it to you. The darkness that consumes me is caused by you not being here. My work helped keep my mind and body occupied in your absence, but without you to touch and hold…I have nothing. The bottle became my only comfort. It has been a constant in my life.” He paused and swallowed hard before continuing, “I’ve always been discarded or used by women, but I’ve used them for my own pleasure as well. After being hurt so much, I knew I could only rely on myself. My heart hardened, and I became a user. You changed my world, Sophia.”
“I love you, Kayden,” I said, kissing his lips tenderly. “Take me home.”
* * *
We spentthe weekend enjoying the French Quarter and New Orleans without drinking. I didn’t ask to go to Bourbon Street or anything revolving around liquor. The temptation would be too great for Kayden, and it would be unfair of me to put him in that position. The city had so much more to offer: culture, art, quaint coffee shops, unique stores, and historic sites—plenty to fill a lifetime without staggering into a bar.
I could understand why people lived here. It was old and romantic. The city parks and old churches added life and charm to this old town. The smells and sounds were intoxicating. The city had a history and a story to tell if you bothered to listen. The people were charming and kind, filled with Southern hospitality. We sat on the old church steps, enjoying some coffee, and watched the people move about their day. Kayden and I always talked so freely and openly, but all weekend, an invisible barrier separated us. I needed to hear his story, his secrets. I needed to know before I left. My heart sank at the thought of leaving this man behind. Could I leave him again?
“Kayden, you keep saying you have things to tell me about your past… Can you share them with me? It’s not fair to keep dangling them in front of me and never share the details,” I pleaded.
“I’ve just tried to shelter you from my past. I don’t think you can ever imagine what my life has been like. It’s so much worse than you can imagine,” he said.
I grabbed his hand, enclosing it in mine. “Kayden, I love you for everything you are now, not for what you were. I want to know all of you, what made you into the man you are today, the man who has consumed my every thought and captured my soul.”
He lifted my fingers to his lips, kissing them. “I struggled with drugs in my youth, every kind imaginable. My life consisted of getting my next fix, booze, and women.” Opening my palm, he nuzzled his face into the warmth of my hand. “My marriage ended because of my drinking. My wife, Danielle, made me so absolutely miserable that drinking was the only thing I looked forward to in my day. I met Lisa shortly after my marriage ended, and she wrapped me up in her world. I already told you how that ended. Fuck, she was a manipulative bitch. After my arrest, I had nowhere to go. Lisa had driven every person I loved out of my life. My mom didn’t want anything to do with me. I was truly alone. I lived in a homeless shelter, and they enrolled me in their alcohol abuse program. I worked in their store in exchange for a roof over my head. It was the single lowest point in my life,” he said.
“I tried hard the last year to be a better man and stay on the straight and narrow. I need to feel a purpose in life, keep myself occupied. My job was my purpose for so long, and then you came into my life. My life was simple before you: work, sleep, eat, and repeat. Sometimes, I’d call someone for a night of lust but no further attachments. You sucked me in and consumed my every thought. Every time I have to say good-bye to you, a small piece of my heart breaks. Without work to keep me busy and with you so far away…I feel lost,” he told me.
I couldn’t leave Kayden behind. I wouldn’t do it. I turned to him and said, “You’re coming home with me tonight, Kayden.”
“I don’t have the money to pay for a ticket.” He shook his head. “I can’t go. I used my savings to pay the balance of my restitution to Lisa, so my name is finally cleared and so is my record.”
“You have a credit for the ticket you had to cancel last month because of the hurricane. We can use that, and I’ll cover the difference. I’m not leaving you here alone,” I said, looking him in the eye.
He thought about it before responding. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be a burden on you, Sophia. Without a job, I don’t have any money to buy food or pay for anything,” he said to me with a sincere look on his face.
“I can’t leave you here without any way to eat or survive,” I said as I brushed my fingertips against his cheek.
“The guys will make sure I’m fed,” Kayden said.
“They’ll also make sure you’re drunk, too. Iwantto be with you. We can spend more than a weekend together for once. I can fall asleep in your arms each night. We’ve always been so rushed. When you’re rehired, I’ll get you back to New Orleans,” I promised, pleading with him.
“I hate having to rely on anyone, Sophia.”
“Stop the macho bullshit. We never have enough time together.”
“Okay, I’ll come with you.”
