28
Kayden
Landslide
Ikept fucking everything up. How did I let my life become ruled by alcohol? The one person I cared about more than anything in the world—Sophia—I had placed on the back burner. I had become selfish and thought only about myself. She was my happiness, and I focused too much on what had gone wrong instead of all the wonderful things that had fallen into my lap unexpectedly. I finally had something to look forward to for the first time in weeks—Sophia had booked a flight.
She would be here tomorrow, and the place was a mess. I was a mess. I needed to clean the apartment and stay sober—I could do it for her. I wouldn’t choose the bottle over her. My phone chimed, and I ran to look at the message.
Sophia: What are you doing, baby?
Me: Starting to clean. This place is a pigsty, and the guys haven’t bothered cleaning up after themselves.
Sophia: Not going to lie in bed and wallow in a bottle today?
Ouch. Fuck.I deserved that. She had no reason to believe in me anymore. I would have to earn her trust again.
Me: No, Soph. I’m staying sober. Done drinking. It hasn’t solved any of my problems, just seemed to cause more. I need to start coming up with a plan for my future—our future.
Sophia: That’s a good attitude. Hopefully, they aren’t empty words.
I meant every word. I needed a plan, but somehow the bottle always called me, filled with false promises.
Me: I know you don’t believe me, but I’ll prove it to you. Just don’t give up on me. Don’t leave me.
I spent all day scrubbing floors, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathrooms. I went to the grocery store and purchased all her favorites. I dumped out the bottles of liquor I had in my bedroom and moved Tom’s bottles into his room. I couldn’t stare at his bottles and have the temptation in plain view.
Sophia: I’ve missed you.
Me: I’ve been here all along.
Sophia: You haven’t been the man I fell in love with. You’ve been noticeably absent in my life.
Me: I’m back, Sophia. I can’t even explain how happy I am that you’ll be here tomorrow. You’re the most important thing in my life.
She was everything to me. She made me feel whole. I had been acting like a fucking fool and a selfish prick. I’d be devastated without her. A job was just that—a job. I could find another job or line of work. As long as I had Sophia by my side, I could do anything. I wanted to be worthy of her love.
I didn’t think Sophia had any experience with an alcoholic. She couldn’t understand what my body was battling.
I’d been going through withdrawals all day, and I prayed they stopped before she arrived. I looked like shit and felt even worse. My body shook uncontrollably. I knew a drink would take the edge off, but I couldn’t take the chance of falling down the rabbit hole.
I needed to deal with the effects of withdrawal naturally and not with a Bloody Mary.
29
Sophia
Good-bye Nola
Ineeded to touch him—remind him of what he had to fight for. We were made for each other and brought together at this moment in time for a reason. I needed his passion, and Kayden needed a constant. Our experiences molded us into people who fit perfectly together. He couldn’t throw that away, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to allow him to do it either.
My heart raced, almost bursting out of my chest, as I walked through the airport. Walking out past security, I could see Kayden waiting for me. Leaning against a wall, he looked nervous and a little worn down. He smiled sweetly when he saw me and looked handsome as always in jeans, a T-shirt, and sandals. My pace quickened. I couldn’t wait another second to be wrapped in his arms. I inhaled him and was bombarded with a mix of smells—stale vodka and the man I loved.
I looked up into his beautiful, sad green eyes. “You haven’t been drinking today, have you?” I couldn’t help but ask, scared to get in his truck if he had. I held my breath, waiting for him to answer.
“Not today, baby doll,” he replied. As he squeezed me tighter, I could feel his body shaking.
“You’re shaking, Kayden. Are you all right?”
