My anger started to grow, and I needed to calm my nerves. Where was he? Who was he with? I couldn’t let my mind wander and question his faithfulness. Why did I have to be so insecure when it came to Kayden?
I mixed some vodka with whatever else I could find in the fridge, anything to make it slide down easier. I’d never been a drinker, but I needed to take the edge off. I swigged a mouthful of the fruity concoction, closed my eyes, and swallowed. The liquid slid down my throat, warming my body from the inside.
“Hey.” I jumped, startled by Suzy’s voice.
“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me,” I said, almost choking on my drink.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Kayden… He may have lost his job,” I said, taking another sip of my drink. “We were supposed to Skype tonight, but he’s disappeared.”
“Wait. What? He lost his job?”
“I just don’t know anything right now. I can’t get in touch with him. I’m going crazy, Suzy.” Suzy sat at the counter and watched me. “He was talking with the guys and making dinner last time I heard from him. That was over three hours ago.”
“I’m sure he’ll call you, Sophia. Kayden adores you. Don’t freak out…yet.” She tried to console me.
Her words didn’t help. They only made my anger grow. Kayden knew how important seeing him every night had become to me, didn’t he? I’d slept with my webcam on for over a month, always able to roll over and see him or talk to him. Not tonight. I felt unimportant.
Kayden and I had sent songs to express our feelings to each other throughout our relationship. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me tonight. I selected a song that I knew would be a punch to his gut. I sent him the link to “Never There” by Cake. It was a brutal song, but it conveyed my feelings perfectly at the moment. Let him choke on it for a bit. I hit send.
“Fuck it. I’m going to bed, Suzy.” I couldn’t tell Suzy what I just sent to Kayden. I already regretted it.
“Okay, but he’ll call. It’ll all work out,” she said with sadness in her eyes.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks, Suzy.” I walked toward my room, staring at my phone, wishing I could cancel my last message.
I crawled into bed, cocooning myself in the blankets, and shut the world out. My eyes grew heavy from the never-ending tears.
I tossed and turned all night, unable to stop my mind from thinking the worst. I checked my phone over a dozen times, but Kayden never replied. I must have drifted off at some point because the next thing I knew, the clock read ten in the morning
I forced myself to get up. I needed caffeine. I felt numb, and my mind was hazy. I heard my phone chirp from where I stood in the kitchen. I turned my attention away from the brewing pot to the hallway. I wanted to run to see if it was Kayden, but I didn’t want to seem too eager. He’d turned me into a crazy person in a short time. I’d never acted like this before with anyone. I walked slowly to my room and grabbed my phone, unable to resist the urge to talk to him any longer.
Kayden: Morning, beautiful. Sorry I fell asleep last night.
How should I respond to him? I didn’t know what to say or how to deal with someone like him.
Kayden: WTF with the song, babe?
I swallowed hard because I knew it was a scathing song. I knew it would hurt him. When I sent it, I didn’t give a fuck.
Me: It fit how I felt last night. I’m sorry.
Kayden: It’s mean. It starts out sweet, but it was like a slap in the face.
I felt like a total piece of shit. He had a shitty day, and I was being a bitch.
Me: You didn’t just fall asleep last night, Kayden.
Kayden: I know. We were talking and drinking, and I came in my room to call you, but I must have passed out or fallen asleep.
Me: Why didn’t you call this morning instead of text? Have a hangover?
I knew my remark sounded snide, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to be the one he turned to and the one he leaned on.
Kayden: A bit. Let me get up and get myself straight, and I’ll call you in a bit.
Me: Fine, but don’t forget about me this time.
