Me:Tell me the truth.How did you know how to reach me?
He wouldn’t have gotten the number from my parents.Even though Mom didn’t seem to feel as strongly as Dad did about Enzo, she wouldn’t ruin this alliance by helping Enzo get in touch with me.
Enzo: A little birdie told me.He also told me not to use his name.
I’m going to be sick.My stomach drops like I just started down the first big hill of a roller coaster while my thumbs fly over the screen.There’s only one person he could be talking about.
Me:You saw my brother?You talked to him?Where is he?How is he?
He replies so quickly, like he knew what I’d ask and had his response ready.
Enzo:Do you really want the answer to that question?
I don’t realize how tightly I’m clutching the phone until my fingers start to ache, and I have to force myself to loosen my grip.I can’t lie to myself and pretend it hasn’t been hanging over my head.Wondering what Alessandro thinks about my marriage, grateful every day he doesn’t show up and declare war all over again.This time, he would be the only one fighting.At least, I hope he would.I hope nobody with the name Vitali would support him.Otherwise, what was the point of my marriage?
Another message comes through before I can gather my thoughts.
Enzo:He wants to get you out of this.So do I.
Me:Out of what?
He responds in a series of messages that hit like little bombs, one after the other.
Enzo:What do you think?This fake marriage.
Enzo:I already knew I would never forgive Giorgio for the way he treated me, but this is beyond the worst thing I thought he was capable of.
Enzo:I blame myself for not being there for you.
My head is spinning by the time he finishes.I need to end this before it goes too far, don’t I?All I’m doing by exchanging messages is encouraging him.That’s wrong.It’s mean too.I can’t give him the wrong idea.
But when I think about shutting the phone down or even just blocking Enzo’s number, there’s a sour feeling in my stomach.It would mean cutting off my last connection to my brother.He’s certainly not contacting Dad after being pretty much disowned.
Me:Can you give me Alessandro’s number?I want to reach out.
It’s a long shot, but I can’t give up on him.I was raised with the wordfamilypractically tattooed on my ass.It was all that ever mattered.Now I’m supposed to abandon it?
He keeps me waiting this time until I have to force myself to place the phone on the counter and finish fixing the latte I came down here for.Is he annoyed that I basically ignored everything he said before that?Maybe I should have said what?What was I supposed to say?I don’t want to give him false hope.
This marriage is a farce, and I’m virtually a prisoner, but that doesn’t mean I can afford to play games or lead him on.I’m not some bored housewife looking to spice up her life.
It feels like forever before he gets back to me.
Enzo:I don’t think that would be a good idea, do you?
Dammit.Well, I can’t say I didn’t try.
Me:I see.You probably should not message me like this anymore, anyway.It’s inappropriate.
Enzo:Inappropriate?
The message has barely come through before my phone rings.Reflex means I come close to answering it before stopping myself.I amnotdoing this.Life is messy enough in the first place without me letting my loneliness and confusion over this marriage get me in trouble.
Once he gives up and the phone goes still, he texts again.
Enzo:Pick up.I need to talk to you.
I am so damn tired.
