I huff out a frustrated breath as I lean on the counter. “It is not that simple. Her family will not approve, her father will kill me, her brothers will probably help and can you even imagine what your mother would say?”
“Umm, hello?” Laurie waves her hand directly in my face. “What about what I think?”
I stutter out a breath, trying to come up with another argument, but feeling more and more defeated in the face of my daughter’s determined reason. “What do you think?”
“I happen to think it’s just fine.” Laurie puffs out a breath and runs her blond braid through her hands. “But you are way too caught up on what everyone else thinks, and not what Amber thinks, or what she wants. Anyone who loves her will accept you both, even if it takes a minute, because she’d be happy. You parentals talked ourwholelives about our happiness being all that mattered. Was that true or not?”
“Of course it was.”
Laurie’s eyebrows shoot back up into her bangs. “But?”
“Only if it doesn’t hurt you,” I say weakly.
“You’re not going to hurt Amber.” Laurie’s expression softens. “I always tell her she deserves the best, because she does. She’s my person, you know? And, if it came down to the best men in the world that I know would treat her right, you’d be at the top of that list.”
I collapse back into the stool and drop my head into my hands. “Too late. I broke her heart at the graduation party. I was an idiot, and she won’t forgive me for what I said.”
“Dad, seriously, you need to stop guessing what people are going to say before they say it.” Laurie gets to her feet, and putsher arms around me. “We all make mistakes, right? But nothing that can’t be fixed.”
I hug my daughter, and want to tell her that some things just can’t be fixed. Some words cut too deep and can’t be taken back. But I don’t want to disillusion her, and maybe I really am just a coward who doesn’t want to confront all of this. Who’s too scared of what this will all do to his reputation, rather than worrying about the woman he loves.
Great partner material I am.
“You should hit the road,” I say after a minute, and kiss the top of her head. “Your mom will be waiting for you.”
“OK, daddy.” She hugs me tighter for a second, and I hug her back. My kiddo. My little girl. Leaving the house for good. “I’ll let you know when we stop for the night.”
“Do that.” I keep my arm around her shoulders as I walk her back out to the U-haul. “And I’ll see you in August.”
“I can’t wait.” She climbs into the truck and guns the engine, giving me a wide smile as I close the door for her. “Try not to miss me too much.”
“You know I will.” I tuck my hands into my pockets as I step back from the truck.
She puts on music, singing at the top of her lungs as she pulls out of the drive, waving madly out of the open window. I can’t help but laugh, shaking my head as the thumping music fades away in the distance.
I stand in my driveway for a long time, the hot sun beating down on my shoulders. I look down the street in the direction of Amber’s parents’ house. I don’t even know if she’s still there, and I can’t very well go over there.Hello, excuse me Aaron, I’m in love with your daughter and I’d like to see her.
That’s a great way to get my nose broken.
I rub the back of my neck with a sigh, turning to go back into the house. I fucked up. I know I did. I hurt an amazing womanwho made me feel more myself than I ever have in my life, all because I’m a fucking coward.
I may not be able to win her back. But I can apologize. That’s the least I can do.
The butterflies erupt all over again the second I pick up my phone. The last messages in the conversation with Amber are the damn videos I sent her. What a follow-up this is going to be.
But it has to be done.
I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from now, but I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ruining your graduation party. I’m sorry for what I said to you. And most of all I’m sorry for lying to you. Because none of what I said that night was true. You’re incredible, and I’ve thought about you every day since that weekend with you. I know I’ve messed things up and I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t deserve it. But you’re the most amazing woman I ever met. You made me feel like Me for the first time in a long time. And even if you never talk to me again, I want you to know I was wrong. It was all me, my stupidity, my cowardice. It was never you. And even though I know I shouldn’t be, I’ll never stop being glad that you walked into my house that afternoon. I wish you nothing but happiness, and contentment. And the man who finally doesn’t fuck things up with you is going to be luckiest son of a bitch on earth.
I stare at the words for a long time, deleting the word earth and retyping it 8 times, before finally just hitting send.Get it over with.
After a few minutes, the little green tick comes up showing that Amber’s read my message. I hold my breath for so long my chest becomes tight. Then the three little dots that show she’s typing bounce on the screen. Then stop. Then start again. Then stop.
And nothing.
After 10 minutes I give up, and close the message. I meant it. If she never talks to me again, I have to be alright with that. She needed to know it wasn’t her, that it never was. She’s perfect.
I’m just a stupid old fool who still can’t figure all this love shit out.
