Overheated, I start pacing on my back deck. The woods around my house are stunning in the late-morning light, the ground still damp from yesterday's rainstorm. I want to shift and go for a run to help burn off this sudden arousal pulsing through me.
Or I could just go inside, surround myself in their amazing scents, and...
Like a shoulder devil sensing a moral weakness, Jess starts chanting in a whisper, pumping her fist. "Bone them. Bone them. Bone?—"
"I shouldn'tboneany of them," I groan. "We've been over this. I just wanted one boyfriend."
"And now you have four—big fucking whoop."
Still pacing, I cover my face. "This complicates things."
"Bitch, what's so complicated about four sexy guys having the hots for you? Step one: Admit you want them back. Step two: Remove clothes and give them a little shimmy. That's it. They'll take it from there."
"First of all, I don't do naked shimmying."
"That'sallI've ever done, and guys love it," she shrugs. "That sexy priest is going to lose his mind once I figure out how to take off my stupid ghost clothes."
"Second of all, I still shouldn't be touching anyone because my empath abilities are still on the fritz, remember? And thirdly, I genuinely don't think I'm built for multiple guys."
"Don't worry, you are. I've seen some hot quintet porn out there. You have enough holes, and hands can always be put to good use," she says matter-of-factly.
I stop pacing and give her a deadpan look. "I meant dating. You know I wasn't talking about sex."
"Well, youshouldbe."
"Jess. I love you, but it's time to access the non-horny part of your brain. If that still exists."
"Fine!" she huffs. "Look, El, who said anything about dating? They're into you, and you could just try having some fun with them, no big deal. If it does turn into something, great. Besides, you'll never know if you can handle dating multiple guys all at once until you give it a try."
"But trying usually means failing. And they—" I motion frantically at the back door of my house that leads into the kitchen. "Are the last people in all the planes of existence that I want to mess things up with. What if I try with them, but I can't keep all of them happy? Or they get tired of having to deal with me feeling so much all the time? Or they realize there are way better, way more legacy-ish options out there? If I try this and disappoint all four of them and ruin it?—"
My voice breaks as I trail off in abject dread, envisioning all of that.
Jessica's expression softens, and she sighs, cradling my face in chilly ghost hands I can't actually feel. "El. I'm going to hold your hand when I say this."
"You're holding my face, actually," I point out. "Pretending to, at least."
"Hush, child. Listen: youneedto see your therapist more often and talk to her about this. Because these fears you're having are bullshit. You went through some nasty things in the past with your parents and some of the assholes you've dated, but are you really going to let them keep haunting you now? Let them stop you from dating these guys who, by the fucking way, might just be perfect for you if you give them a chance? Just think about the obsessed hunks in your house and ask yourself what you really want. No overthinking."
I hesitate, hugging myself against the chill. She's right. I'm letting my past haunt me again. And when it comes to Ian, Zak, Asher, and Kaenon, what I really want is…
To try.
With them.
Would it be the worst thing in the world if I get to know them a little better and see where things go? Maybe I can ignore all the anxiety about possibly messing things up until they lose interest in me.
Even if they do, I can enjoy whatever happens for now. If there's anything I learned from being locked up in the Nether for just over a month, it's that any day could be the last. Why not throw caution to the wind once in a while?
And if it turns out that I can't handle more than one boyfriend right now, at least I'll know.
I'm still pondering all of this when Athanis drifts through the back wall of my house to hover on the deck next to us. Idon't understand the deeply sympathetic look he gives me, but it suddenly makes me wonder what my bodyguard and three visitors are still talking about in the guest room.
"You are beautiful, Elise," Athanis assures me vehemently, out of nowhere.
"Um…thank you?"
"My turn," Jessica says, drifting closer to the dead priest with her patented come-hither look. "Do me."
