“Stop defacing the dessert.”
“You don’t even like frosting. I’m doing you a favor.” She grabbed it back from him, finished her assault on the frosting, then returned the naked cupcake to his hand.
He broke off a piece and chewed on it thoughtfully, trying to work his way back through the barrage of emotions the conversation with Lara had brought him. She wasn’t wrong so much as he found it nearly impossible to believe her. He heard her say things weren’t his fault, but he didn’t see how that could be true. He’d facilitated his own abuse by tolerating and welcoming Cody into his life over and over.
Ben swallowed the cupcake and rubbed his temples, dropping his head back so it hung off the edge of the chair.
“I know you don’t believe me right now.” Lara reached over and rubbed his thigh. “But you’ll see it one day.”
“I hope so.”
“Will you tell me more about Thomas now?” She stood up and stacked all the empty coffee glasses together and carried them into the kitchen. He glanced up at her and then ate some more of the cupcake.
“What do you want to know?” His mouth softened around the corners while he chewed, the tension unwinding as his brain moved from Cody to Thomas.
“I want to know why he makes you smile like that.”
“How am I smiling?” His cheeks burned and he turned away from her, dragging the edge of his hand across the table to scoop up the cupcake crumbs.
“Like you’re in love.”
He jumped up so fast, his chair almost toppled. “I’m not in love with him.”
“Sure.” She turned on the water and started to wash all of his glasses. “Tell me your favorite thing about him then.”
Ben crumpled the cupcake wrappers in his hand and joined Lara in the kitchen, dumping the trash into the can before grabbing a dish towel off the oven handle so he could dry as she washed.
“I love how earnest he is.”
“In what way?” She passed him a glass.
“He’s just really confident? I don’t know. He knows what he wants and he isn’t scared to go for it.”
“And you feel like you’re scared to go after the things you want?”
“I am.” He finished drying the first glass and set it down on the counter. “Or I was.”
He’d made progress at least, going from wanting a rebound to wanting a partner. He’d never intended for Thomas to fill that role, but he wasn’t mad about it. Thomas made him feel like he was doing the right things, making the right choices.
“I feel less scared with him now,” he whispered. Lara passed him another glass and he took it, drying it quietly while he thought about what he’d just said.
“What else do you like about him?” she asked.
“He’s funny. He’s hot.” Ben chuckled under his breath. “He’s really great at sucking cock.”
“I thought he was straight.”
“Well, bisexual now, but for a beginner?” Ben set the dry glass down and kissed the tips of his fingers and thumb. “Chef’s kiss.”
“Practice makes perfect, they say.”
“If he practices too much, he’ll likely suck my soul right out of my body.”
Lara laughed and cleaned another glass. “I can think of worse things.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, finally starting to feel better about where his head was at over Cody and where his heart was at with Thomas. “Me too.”
CHAPTER18
