“I’ve been alone for years, Adam. Mostly single since you and I ended things back then. I have my routines; I have things that I am used to. I’m sorry if I’ve not yet worked you back into my life the way you want, but it’s important to me that I do it carefully.” He didn’t explain why because the truth of the matter would have hurt Adam’s feelings. Hell, it hurt Cooper just to think about it.
“Because if you rush and I mess it up, it’ll hurt more,” Adam summarized the sentiment without being prompted. “When we break up again.”
“Adam.”
“I get it. I swear, I do. But what is the point of being with me if you’re not all in?”
Cooper scratched the side of his nostril and leaned against the wall. “I’m treating this how I would treat any new relationship.”
“But we aren’t new,” Adam protested.
“We are.” He shrugged. “At least I am. I know I’m not the same person I was a decade ago. Are you? And you don’t even have to answer, because I know you’re not.”
Adam pursed his lips, but rewarded Cooper with a jerky nod.
“I want to be with you, Adam. And I’m all in on this, I swear. But my ‘all in’ now looks different than it did before. And that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.”
“Okay,” Adam grumbled, gnawing on his lip. “I get it.”
“Do you?”
“I do.”
“I’ll try to be more communicative,” he promised, and he meant it. He was mature enough now to treat Adam’s concerns with the respect they deserved, and being more open to spending time together didn’t change anything about the dynamic he was looking for.
“I’ll try to be less…” Adam gestured vaguely.
He cleared his throat. “Unrelated to that, did you like this? What we just did?”
Adam’s nostrils flared and he dipped his chin to his chest, the incendiary look of arousal still painted across his face. “Very much. Obviously.”
“And did you like last weekend? At Devon’s? At my house?”
Adam took a step toward him with another nod.
“I liked that, and I liked this.” His hands snaked around Adam’s waist and pulled him the rest of the way in. He could feel the heat of Adam’s body through the thin material of his shirt, and he rested his head against the wall so he could look up at Adam’s flushed face. “And in case you were wondering,that’show this works.”
“Hmn?” Adam leaned in and started to pepper kisses across the column of Cooper’s throat and neck in the way Cooper liked so, so much.
“The way the control moves.” He barely got the words out before Adam’s teeth nipped against his Adam’s Apple. “Me to you and back.”
Cooper didn’t say how he was worried it would become problematic when they weren’t in agreement about where the control should lie. That even though he’d agreed to be more transparent with his communication, he still had a fear that simmered low in his gut that as soon as Cooper didn’t want to submit, as soon as he wanted to be calling the shots when Adam wanted the same…
He worried things would break down and it would all be a loss.
“It’s okay for now,” Adam murmured.
“You don’t sound like you think it’ll last long term.” He tightened his fingers around Adam’s waist. “You’re not in this expecting me to change my mind, are you?”
Against his neck, Adam shook his head, pressing a soft line of kisses up to his ear. “That’s not what I meant.”
“If you say so.”
“Coop.” Adam sighed. “I just wanted to see you. I wanted to make you feel good.Iwanted to feel good. It’s not any more than that.”
“You just wanted to paint my face with your cum.” Cooper’s eyes rolled back as Adam’s tongue licked into his ear.
“Didn’t that make us both feel good?”
