“I don’t think the online experience is truly representative of what it would be like to really be with another person,” Remington said, speaking slowly, as if he was choosing each word with the utmost care.
“Some things are hard to replicate.”
“I’d imagine as much.”
Sebastian raised the glass to his lips and suffered through a drink.
“I should go say hello to Callahan,” he said, licking the remnants of red wine from the corner of his mouth.
“Right.” Remington nodded and turned sharply, walking away from Sebastian like he’d had something to say but didn’t.
Sebastian shook his head to clear it and weaved his way through the living room, finding Callahan with Jace, tucked in the corner he’d found Jace in previously. Callahan’s back was pressed against the wall as Jace encroached on him, one hand flat against the wall beside Callahan’s head, the other hanging loose at his side with a drink clutched between his fingers. He whispered something in Callahan’s ear that had him blushing so hard his cheeks were nearly purple. When his stare landed on Sebastian, he quickly paled, and then Jace turned, giving Sebastian an amiable smile.
“You made it,” Callahan said, his voice a little rough around the edges.
“Why is everyone saying that?” He took another drink.
“Just surprised you’re not out with your internet boyfriend,” Jace offered.
“Your what?”
“Sebastian has an internet boyfriend,” Jace explained, as if Sebastian wasn’t standing right there.
“I do not,” he corrected.
“Not so serious, then?”
“It’s…” he trailed off, not sure of what word he should use to describe things with Allan, not even sure he wanted there to be a description of him at all.
Sebastian settled himself against the wall, shoulder to shoulder with Callahan, and he scanned the room, stare gravitating to and settling on Remington with an uncanny ease.
Conflict churned inside of him, and how could he go back to exchanging emails with a stranger when Remington was right there in front of him? How could he find satisfaction from something he couldn’t even touch when he truly and desperately wanted to touch? He knew he was being presumptuous about the whole thing. Remington hadn’t done so much as shown the barest hint of interest in him over lunch, and Sebastian had run home to jack off about the other man like he was going through puberty all over again.
Sebastian hadn’t even stopped to think that he’d jacked off over not one man, but two, and he didn’t care about the implications of that because he knew it meant he’d been right all along. He wasn’t straight, and he owed it to himself to try and see this unknown part of himself through.
“I get it,” Jace said, interrupting his thoughts. “Not everything has to mean something.”
“I want it to mean something,” Sebastian said. The response was mechanical, his stare and his attention completely focused across the room on Remington as he engaged another man in conversation. He talked quick; Sebastian could see his mouth moving, and he spoke broadly with his hands and arms flailing around like he was too big for the room.
“It’s nice when it does,” Callahan said.
“Tell me about this online guy,” Jace coaxed.
Sebastian shook his head and finished his wine, then set his glass on the floor near his foot. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and swiped open the dating app.
“Ooh.” Jace rubbed his hands together. “Are you going to show me a picture?”
Callahan smacked Jace’s chest. “You don’t need to see a picture.”
“No,” Sebastian answered. As his finger hovered over the messages, Remington looked over, still mid conversation with whoever he was talking to, but his stare landed on Jace first, then Callahan, then Sebastian, where it lingered a beat. Remington laughed and turned away, continuing his conversation.
“That’s mean,” Jace pouted.
“He’s no one,” Sebastian said, pulling his gaze down to the unanswered message from Allan. “It’s nothing.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Callahan offered.
“No. Literally. It’s done. I’m ending it.” He stared down at his phone, fingers trembling above the keyboard.
