“Get some rest,” Roland told him, and so he did.
* * *
Donny wasn’tsure how long he slept, but he woke up feeling slightly more human than he had the day before. Roland wasn’t there, but Pete had curled up on the pillow Roland had slept on and was purring away in his sleep. Donny stretched and rolled onto his side, then dropped his feet to the floor and got out of bed.
He smelled coffee, so he padded down the hallway and into the kitchen where he found Roland. When Roland heard his footsteps, he turned and smiled. Donny liked the look of Roland in his kitchen, naked except for his indecently skimpy underwear, with his hair all mussed from sleep.
“Hey,” Roland greeted him quietly.
“Hi.”
“You don’t have any food.”
Donny nodded. “I haven’t been eating much. Athena brings it when she comes over.” He sat down at the table and rested his chin in his hands.
Roland poured him a cup of coffee and set it down, then poured himself one and came to the table and sat down across from him.
“I owe you an apology,” Roland said.
“You’ve apologized.” Donny took a drink of his coffee and savored the bitterness of it before he swallowed.
“It’s not enough, though,” Roland offered, and Donny raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You deserve more than words.”
That was true. Donny knew his worth, and knew he deserved far more than what had transpired between them the previous weekend. It didn’t change the fact that even now his heart wanted to explode out of his chest when Roland was around.
“I know that I’m work,” Roland started, and Donny couldn’t stop the wary sounding snort that left his mouth. Roland cracked a small grin and shook his head before continuing. “I understand that being with me isn’t easy. It never has been, and I don’t imagine it ever will be. But I also understand that I shouldn’t be the one deciding if I’m worth the work or not.”
Donny took another drink of his coffee and rolled the words around in his head. To say being with Roland was work could be an understatement. Up to now, Roland could be called mercurial on a good day, tempestuous on every other. But that roller coaster did nothing to negate the desperate need Donny felt for him.
“You manipulated me,” Donny said, placing his coffee mug down to hide his trembling hands. “I told you that I could decide what was best for me, and I gave you my hard limit, and you used that limit against me to take away my choice. And that wasn’t fair.” Donny’s voice came out sounding strangled.
That was the root of the problem, if he was honest with himself. It was the fact Roland had taken away his ability to make his own choices by forcing him out the way he had. Donny would have forgiven Roland anything, but he didn’t know what to do aboutthisthing. He could easily let it go and let their relationship carry on, but what would happen next time Roland spiraled again. Donny couldn’t live a life of being cast aside then taken back at Roland’s whim.
“You look like your mind is going a mile a minute,” Roland told him.
“It is.”
“Will you tell me?”
Donny rolled his neck back and stared at the popcorn ceiling, squeezing his eyes closed and taking a deep breath.
“What’s your goal, Roland?”
“In general, or right now?”
Donny inclined his head. “Both?”
“In general, I’m going to get back into painting. I’m going to keep taking my meds. I’m going to keep working to be healthy.”
Donny smiled at the last part.
“As for right now? I just want you to give me a chance to show you I can be deserving of you.”
His smile shifted downward, and he studied the table.
“What about what you deserve?” Donny asked him.
“What do I deserve?”
