Donny used Roland’s chest to muffle his cries, and Roland held him as tightly as he dared.
“Can we go now?” Donny asked through his tears.
“Anywhere you like.”
Chapter 30
More Than Empty Words
Donny handedover his keys and let Roland unlock the front door of his house. Roland guided him inside, never separating their hands. He pushed the door closed and locked it, then leaned his back against it and tugged Donny against his chest and held him. Donny inhaled a shaky breath and settled his cheek over the steady beat of Roland’s heart.
“I’m embarrassed,” he muttered.
Roland’s chest heaved when he laughed, “You’ve seen me far worse than you are now.”
He covered his face with his hands and stepped out of Roland’s hold. He went into the kitchen and filled up the cats’ water bowl, desperate for any kind of distraction. All he’d wanted all week was for Roland to be here, but now that he was, Donny felt nervous and unhinged.
Pete was lying on the back of the couch, sound asleep, while Jack and Jill were curled up in the cat tree together. Roland set Donny’s keys down on the counter and walked over to the couch. He stood behind Pete and gently dragged his fingers through his fur and closed his eyes. Pete startled, opened his eyes and let out a happy sounding meow before moving and burying his head under Roland’s hand. Donny’s chest constricted.
Roland stroked Pete’s fur until Pete settled back to sleep, then he turned his attention back toward Donny, still in the kitchen. “Where are your washcloths?”
“Under the bathroom sink.”
Roland reached forward and took Donny’s hand and pulled him down the hall into the bathroom.
“Sit.” Roland pointed at the toilet lid, and Donny sat.
Roland knelt down and untied Donny’s shoes, pulled them off, then removed his socks. Donny flexed his toes into the shaggy carpet of his bathmat and watched Roland as he leaned over and opened the cabinet and pulled out a washcloth. He stood up and turned on the faucet, moving his hand back and forth under the water.
He watched Roland with heavy eyes. This had to be a dream— this role reversal between them wasn’t something Donny had ever envisioned. Roland wet the washcloth in the sink, then wrung it out and moved back to squat between Donny’s knees. He unfolded the washcloth and wiped Donny’s face with it, softly and methodically.
First his cheekbones, then each side of his jaw, his chin, forehead, nose…
“Close your eyes.”
He did, and Roland swiped the damp cloth over his eyelids, then cupped Donny’s face in his hand.
“Open.”
He did, and Roland’s face was colored with love, and self-loathing, and hope, and regret all at once.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m a mess,” Donny confided, even though it wasn’t really a secret to anyone.
“I know. So am I.” Roland smiled sadly at him and brushed his hair away from his face.
Donny was suddenly overwhelmed with his exhaustion. He just wanted to crawl into bed and lie down, close his eyes, and sleep. He was desperate to sleep.
“Can we do this in the morning, Roland?” Donny asked, pushing himself up. Roland was still on his knees, and Donny dared to graze his hand through the top of his hair. It was as soft as he remembered. He closed his eyes and let Roland’s hair sift through his fingers, and Roland pressed his cheek against his thigh with a sigh.
“I can come back,” Roland offered, standing and stepping back after Donny took his hands away.
Donny shook his head. “Would you stay?”
Roland made a relieved sound and nodded his head. “Gladly.”
Donny nodded, then led Roland out of the bathroom into the bedroom. He stripped down to his briefs and crawled under the blankets, holding them up in anticipation. Roland stripped down quickly, leaving on his underwear, then crawled in behind Donny. He pulled Donny’s back against his chest, and curled his legs, pushing Donny’s upward as well. He pressed a kiss to the back of Donny’s head.
