“Come on, Roland,” Donny chided him.
“Because I’m a fucking loser, obviously.” Roland dropped his head backward and rolled it from shoulder to shoulder before he circled it around so his chin rested in the dip of his collarbone.
“You’re a loser?” Donny countered, and Roland nodded. “You think I’m in the business of fucking losers?”
Roland snorted, “Obviously.”
Donny sighed and exhaled. A horn blared from the street, and Donny watched a pedestrian yell obscenities at a cab driver.
“I’ll just ruin you. I don’t want to ruin you,” Roland sounded despondent now, resigned to a future that had apparently already played out in his head without Donny’s knowledge or participation.
“Do you want to know why I’m back so early?” Donny decided to change the subject, as playing into whatever pity party Roland was having was not high on his to-do list.
“It’s early?”
Donny closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he continued.
“I was having lunch with my sister and some friends. Her best friend’s boyfriend is a super rich dude, and he has these really amazing pieces of art in his hallway.”
“Good for him,” Roland interrupted. Donny cast him a sideways glance and Roland made a show of clacking his teeth together as he closed his mouth.
“They’re yours, you fucking asshole.” Donny stood, throwing his hands in the air.
“Mine?” Roland’s question was barely louder than a whisper.
“Yours,” Donny affirmed. “I didn’t even realize it at first, but I saw them, and they’re unbelievable, Roland. I didn’t even know… you have so much talent. So much.” Donny licked his lips and looked up, trying to figure out how to explain to Roland how moved he’d been. “I couldn’t take my eyes off them. These gorgeous sunsets. Four seasons of sunsets, I could tell that’s what they were, and I felt them inside of me.” He gestured toward his chest. “Gabriel had to come find me, I was lost to them so long.”
“Gabriel?” Roland looked up, a flash of jealousy across his face.
“That’s what you took away from everything I just said?” Donny couldn’t believe it. He didn’t understand how Roland had gotten so far removed from whatever had inspired him to create those perfect fucking sunsets.
Roland shrugged.
“He’s my sister’s best friend’s boyfriend, you idiot. That doesn’t matter. Did you hear anything I said?”
Roland looked down at his feet and nodded.
“Why do you drink so much, Roland?” Donny tried again, kneeling at Roland’s feet and grabbing his knees. Donny flexed his fingers around Roland’s kneecaps, trying to emphasize their physical connection.
There was a long stretch of silence before Roland replied.
“I’m a fuck up.”
Donny let out a little chuckle.
“You think it’s funny?” Roland tried to pull out of Donny’s grasp, but he tightened his hold.
“I think it’s ridiculous.”
“You’re not in my head. You don’t know.”
“You’re right,” Donny agreed. “But I want to.”
“I’ll just fuck you up, too,” Roland said through a clenched jaw.
“Isn’t that a decision for me to make, not you?”
“Oh, so you just want me to drag you down with me now?” Roland scoffed at him, but lowered his hands to cover Donny’s.
