“Do you know where Courtney is?” I ask Parveen.
“No,” she admits. “…I think the holidays are a bit hard on her. Maybe she needs some time alone. She disappeared a couple of times last night too.”
“Do you know why she doesn’t… talk to her family?” I frown.
I know her parents are alive; Kenny mentioned their other grandparents sent them each a Christmas card and toys earlier… But Courtney never talks about her parents, and I’m pretty sure neither Beckett nor their children have ever met them in person.
“Not all the details,” Parveen whispers, “but I think it has to do with her sister’s passing a few years ago. Courtney made a couple of allusions about not wanting prejudiced people in her children’s lives. They do send cards and gifts, but she only accepts what’s for the children.”
Oh… I suppose it makes sense why they’ve never met their grandparents.
Just like Parveen, I immediately took to Courtney, though she’s very different from both of us. If anything, she always comes across as very strong-minded and independent. And our Beckett was such a jock when they met! I remember my oldest brother was a wild boy right up until he met Courtney at university and fell for her. He chased her for a long time too, and eventually, she returned his feelings, and in no time at all, my oldest brother was a dad-to-be and engaged!
Now it makes a lot of sense why Courtney is the way she is… Strong-minded and a bit nostalgic on holidays. I guess I never quite realized how, even around us, some people might live the holidays very differently. It’s stressful for Parveen and my mom,and a bit sour for Courtney, and anyone else who has to navigate tense family relations.
Maybe part of the magic is that Christmas is a time when everyone’s trying to be their best selves, for others’ sake. We work hard to pick the right presents, prepare decorations, cook soul-warming foods, and partake in the general glee, even when it’s a bit challenging. After all, I get a lot more satisfaction from watching everyone open the presents we got for them than what they got for us, though it’s absolutely fantastic! And when we all finally sit down for lunch, it’s to share food, chat about our lives, and hear about everyone else’s.
My parents’ dining table is at maximum capacity, even though we set the children at their own small table in front of a Christmas show on the TV, so for a while, it’s a choreography of passing one dish after another, getting a scoop for ourselves if we can, getting our glasses filled, and trying to keep up with every topic!
For a while, we talk about our latest favorite TV shows and movies, especially as many of us follow the same ones, like baking or dancing competitions. We don’t forget to praise Mom’s cooking while we’re at it, though the dishes are pretty familiar now, and we quickly steer the discussion to our plans for the new year before Aunt Ruth tries to criticize it. Then, the topics shift and are divided into small groups based on personal interests. It’s loud, it’s crowded, elbows are bumping, and children are interrupting, but I just love it. Everywhere I turn, there’s a passionate conversation going on, food to try, and familiar faces I don’t see often enough!
“I’ll be right back,” Nicolas whispers next to me.
I nod and watch as he quietly leaves the room, guessing he’s headed to the bathroom. I haven’t talked with him much, but hewas busy chatting with Beckett and then Jordan, and I’m so glad he’s getting along well with my brothers!
The lunch goes on, with children interrupting to ask adults something, Dad intervening to stop Mom and Aunt Ruth from fighting, and Rosie and I exchanging conspiratorial glances over the bread basket.
But, after a while, I can’t help but notice that Nicolas still isn’t back. I frown and glance toward the corridor; I’m feeling a bit nervous, and I’m not sure why…
“Is he alright?”
I look back at Courtney, who’s frowning.
“Huh?” I blurt out.
“Nicolas,” she whispers. “Is he alright?”
I stare at her, and it hits me hard.
“I-I don’t know,” I mutter.
I thought he was fine.
He’s been talking a lot with my brothers, right? We haven’t spoken much since we arrived, but I… I was always busy with a nephew, a niece, or a sibling, and somehow I just now realize it’s been hours and we haven’t exchanged a word! At least, nothing that was just between us, not part of a group conversation, or to ask for the mashed potatoes…
Courtney gives me a sorry smile.
“I have a couple of students on the spectrum, and this kind of environment would be a bit overwhelming for them. I know Nicolas handles people at work well, but… you might want to check on him, Ophie.”
I… I justnod.
I nod because my throat is tight, and I can’t speak. I’m so… somortifiedthat I didn’t even think to check in with my boyfriend for so long! How long has it been since we arrived? An hour? Two? Or more? I was so busy playing with my nieces and nephews and catching up with everyone that I didn’t realize…
I slowly rise from the table, and all of a sudden, I take in the scene of our Christmas dinner fully. All the chatter and clatter around me feels overwhelming for me too. It’s… It’snoisy. The room is cramped, the dishes are loud, the living room is in chaos, the TV is blaring, everyone’s shouting, and it’s just too much.
I go in search of Nicolas around the house, quietly praying that he’s alright, but somehow, I know,I knowhe’s not. How could he be? He hates crowds, and he can’t stand loud environments! I knew it, why didn’t I realize sooner that this was all too much? We have never been in such a cramped, loud space before, but still, I should have known what Courtney noticed sooner! How could I miss it? Nicolas is my boyfriend, and he’s always looking out for me. How could I miss his discomfort when he was right there?!
My heart sinks a bit more at each room I go through that he’s not in. The bedrooms are packed with my siblings’ belongings and their overnight bags, and I can’t find my boyfriend anywhere! Where is he? I try to stop and calm down. I might have messed up, but IknowNicolas. If he’s overwhelmed, he’d try to go somewhere quiet, peaceful, without anyone…
