But fuck it. Clean slate? Then it’s gonna hurt to get there.
I look to my left and point-blank ask Hayden, “Am I getting invited to your wedding or not?”
He immediately stops rocking in his chair, face frozen. “Uh, I mean, I don’t fucking know, man.”
The sharp stab that delivered must show because headds, “It hurts me, too, you know. I always thought it would be the three of you up there with me on that day. The three of you by my side through it all. That it wouldalwaysbe thefourof us. But you ruined that.”
“We all played our part,” Nikolai adds quietly.
“Some more than others,” Hayden spits. He narrows his brown eyes on me. “You told me I was a weak link in the band. That I had regressed while we were on break. Implied that I used the time off, needed after seeing peopledie,for a vacation, rather than furthering my songwriting abilities.”
Well, so much for everyone sitting around quietly, waiting to begin. Gloves are officially off.
“I never said you were the weak link.”
“But you thought it, didn’t you?”
I clamp my lips shut. Hayden sits back with a satisfied smile. “Exactly. I knew it. You think I couldn’t feel that when we were in the studio trying to make that last album? Every idea I pitched, you shot down.”
“We didn’t have a clear vision of what that album was supposed to be,” Walker chimes in. “Everyone’s ideas were all over the place. It wasn’t just yours. Some of mine sucked too.”
Hayden looks wounded at Walker jumping in, not necessarily defending me, but not immediately taking his side. Even when we were a solid four, it was always Walker and Hayden, and Nikolai and me. “And that’s my fault that it wasn’t cohesive?”
“No one’s saying that,” I tell him. “But everyone can admit that we had no cohesive vision when we tried working on that album because we lost all our cohesion as a group.”
“And who’s fault is that?” Hayden glares at me, telling me exactly who’s fault he thinks it is.
The accusation grates against my nerves. “You wanna say it?”
“Say what?”
“Just say that you think it’s my fault.”
He leans forward, arms braced against his legs. “It is yours. I’ve never shied away from that. After the break, you treated us like shit.”
I scoff. “After you spent a year blocking me out.” I point at Walker. “And after you started working with other artists while we were supposed to be taking time away.”
“Woah, I only helped on a handful of drum productions for a band while their drummer was sick.” Walker holds his hands up. “You’re the one who heard that through the grapevine and ran with it. If you would’ve told me that was your fucking issue two years ago, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“I didn’t—” I cut myself off, rage simmering. “I didn’t know how to fucking say it.” All the progress I’ve tried to make with Penny, talking about things rather than smothering them down. If only I had done that then, instead of now.
Walker runs his hands through his hair. When he glances up at me, he’s visibly cooler. “I get it. I didn’t then, but I get it now how it looked to you.”With your past, I understand. The unspoken words shine on his face. I give him a small nod in understanding.
Hayden visibly shakes with barely restrained frustration. His head swings back and forth between the two of us. “You know, you tworeallyseem to have started patching things up. Did you both clear the air?”
I narrow my eyes at him, not sure where he’s going with this. Walker frowns slightly, equally unsure.
“Did you both come completely clean, no secretsbetween the two of you?” This time, he looks pointedly at me. There’s a knowing glint in his eye that instantly sets me on edge.
Nikolai sinks down in his chair to my right, hand covering his mouth.
“Where are you going with this?” Walker asks Hayden.
Hayden throws an arm over the back of his chair, the portrait of false ease, as he says coldly, “Did you know that I’m the only one of your best friends sitting around here to not sleep with your sister?”
The fucking bastard.
Walker blinks at him, like he’s not sure if he heard him correctly. Nikolai’s knee bounces nervously. I sit still, waiting for Walker to understand and turn his predatory glare on me.
