Clever little witch.
“You can’t be serious.”
By the shared look the two of them have on their faces, I know they are.
“It’ll never work,” I mutter. “We broke up for a reason.”
“Yeah, and you’re working on mending those reasons,” Nikolai pleads.
“It’s not like Walker and I are back to being best friends, Nik! We had one conversation.One. That doesn’t solve everything. And I haven’t even talked to Hayden since your release party. There’s so many things still on the table to sort through, and just because you don’t like pursuing a solo career, doesn’t mean that we can all just jump back in because you want it.”
“And you don’t want it?” Nikolai pins me to my chair with his gaze.
Exasperation bubbles in my chest. Why are we even having this conversation? “No.”
“No? You’re sure about that?”
“Yes. I made peace with it a long time ago.”
He scoffs, running a hand through his hair. “No you haven’t. None of us have.”
Arun sits quietly, one leg crossed over the other.
“What exactly are you doing with your time that’s been fulfilling for you?” Nikolai asks. “Working out? Sitting at home? I know you sure as shit haven’t been playing guitar. There’s none of that creative spark behind your eye that you get when you do. Face it. You want it back just as bad as I do, but you don’t know how to get there.”
“So what if I don’t?” I shout, pushing to my feet. “We couldn’t figure it out two years ago, we probably can’t figure it out now! It’s time we all moved on.”
He stands too, the two of us coming toe to toe. “You don’t want that.”
“How the hell do you know what I want?”
“Because I’m your best fucking friend, and I should’ve pushed you harder two years to make it right. I should’ve helped you pull your head out of your ass, all three of you, and figure it out. I don’t want to be the collateral damage.”
“Collateral damage?” I chuckle darkly. “Is that what you call your new solo venture?”
His cheeks turn red. “It’s not about that. I miss us. Thefourof us. You’re telling me you don’t?”
I clench my teeth and look down toward our feet.
“You wouldn’t have reached out to Walker if you didn’t,” he whispers. “I don’t need you to admit it, but I just need you to be open to it.”
“Open to what?”
“Us becoming a band again.”
There’s so much hope in his words that I want to tell him yes. So much rejected hope rising in my own chest that I want to say yes. But it’s still not that easy. That conversation with Walker took everything I have to give, and that’s just to get us back to a decent place. What Nikolai’s talking about…bringing the work dynamic back into it…I just don’t know if we’ll all make it.
Maybe we were supposed to break up for a reason.
Arun clears his throat, drawing our attention. “Nikolai may be thinking of the bigger picture, but I think we need to take it one step at a time.”
“And what’s that?” I ask.
He picks a piece of lint off his suit jacket. “I think you four should go on a little retreat, I guess you could call it. Get a house up in the desert, disconnect from the everyday distractions, and reconnect with each other. No music, no discussions of a band reunion”—he pointedly looks at Nikolai—“but simply some time together to sort through things.”
I scrub a hand down my face. “We tried that already. Multiple times. You were there for most of them.”
He inclines his head, but says, “Yes, but I don’t believe any of you were truly ready to forgive each other and move on. You were all too angry to realize how much the absence of your friendships would hurt. And I’m not jumping to conclusions about you all reuniting your work relationships. Work on rebuilding the friendships first. That’s where your foundation was.”
