She’s absolutely right. I did do that with Elle, and it wasn’t fair to her. Sure, it all worked out how it was supposed to, and I’m glad she’s happy and getting everything she wanted. But I didn’t give her the chance to fight for our relationship and whatshewanted. I don’t want to repeat that mistake with Lennon.
“Are you sure you’re the younger one in this relationship, because I think you have me beat maturity wise,” I tease, and Lennon smiles brightly.
“Girls are always smarter than boys.”
I kiss her, and after lulling her into a false sense of security, I pull her bottom lip between my teeth and nip at it.
“Hey!”
I smack her ass and say, “That’s what you get for that comment.”
“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes playfully and heads back toward the stove. My eyes stay glued to her ass the entire way. It looks more delicious in those tight yoga pants than the dinner she’s cooking.
“Also, I know that this was some serious talk for us, but it’s not like we need to rush anything,” she says. “I mean, hell, it’s not like we can even tell anyone about us for a long time still.”
I scrub my hand down my face, exhausted already by the long road we have ahead of us. “You’re not wrong about that.”
Lennon pulls a strainer out from the cabinet, stretching on her tiptoes to reach it, and dumps out the noodles and water in the sink. She then plops the noodles back in and stirs in the jars of sauce. I finally get off my ass to grab us bowls and plates, along with a cutting board and serrated knife for the bread.
“Are you still thinking we should wait until the fall?” she asks.
I slice the bread into thick pieces and lay them out on the plates. “At least fall, if not later.”
Lennon deflates, and I run a reassuring hand over her back. “I know, it sucks. I don’t want to have to keep lying and hiding it. But I—I’m really loving being a coach, baby. And if I have to give it up for you, I will. But if there’s a way that we can mitigate the fallout when we do make this public and I can somehow keep my job, I’d like to.”
She sighs and leans into my side. “I know. I don’t want you to have to give it up. If we need to keep sneaking around until then, that’s what we’ll do.”
I still don’t even know if that will help. Once Alice finds out that Lennon and I are together, I don’t know if she’ll believe that nothing started until after she graduated. She’ll start thinkingback over all the time she and I spent together alone in practice, working out, and she’ll start replaying every interaction and conversation she witnessed between us. I know Alice loves me and my family, but she won’t turn a blind eye to the rules.
But I don’t burden Lennon with that worry. Not this close to the Frozen Four, and not as she finishes up school and begins job hunting.
I kiss the top of her head. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve your patience.”
Her shoulders shake against me in silent laughter. “Well one of us has to have it.”
I bump my hip into hers and grab our plates. “We’re eating on the couch tonight.”
Lennon grabs sodas for each of us from the fridge and follows me into the living room. I set our food down on the coffee table and wait for her reaction. She doesn’t notice the TV right away, and only after she plops down onto her side of the couch and grabs the navy throw blanket she likes does she glance up. Her shock turns into glee as she practically vibrates with excitement.
“Are you serious?” she asks. “You’re actually going to watch it with me?” On the screen, queued up and ready to hit play, isA New Hope.
She’s been bugging me ever since she found out my nickname was Skywalker and I had never seen a Star Wars movie to watch them with her.
“I’m only promising you this one,” I warn her. “If it sucks, I’m not sitting through the rest of them.” The idea of sitting through eleven movies sounds exhausting.
She claps her hands excitedly. “You’re going to love it! Turn it on, turn it on.”
I hit play, and Lennon and I dig into our dinner as we watch. She’s so distracted she barely finishes her bowl of pasta, and I steal her leftovers.
The movie isn’t bad. I have to admit, I’m even sort of enjoying it. The special effects are a product of their time, but I can appreciate them for what they are. But as the movie goes on, I find myself watching it less and less, and instead watching Lennon’s reactions to it more and more.
Every little giggle she tries to stifle when Han Solo smarts off to someone, every little nod of support she gives Leia when she does something Lennon likes, every hitch of her breath as Obi-Wan and Darth Vadar duel. Her reactions and genuine joy are far more interesting to me than anything that’s happening on screen.
It’s the way that seeing her have fun with it makes me happy in return. And how this simple act of watching her favorite movie with her makes it all worth it. I’d sit here for weeks on end with this one movie on a loop if it made her smile like that everyday.
And I’ll continue to break every single rule I shouldn’t just to keep Lennon’s light in my life a little longer.
35
