We had been in a rush last night, so Claire must not have been paying too much attention to where she placed her purse, I thought with a grin. I tossed the purse on the couch before bending down to scoop up the notebook. I had seen it on Claire before and I figured it must be her journal or day planner.
It was private, that was for sure, and I had no intention of snooping through it.
But it fell face down on the floor, with its cover open and pages splayed out. So that when I picked it up, I did see the top of one page. I just saw two words, but they were enough to make me stop in my tracks as my blood ran cold.
Outlaw Souls.
Those were the two words written in big letters across the top of one page. I held the book and looked straight ahead. I didn’t want to read it. I knew in that moment, reading whatever was in that book was not going to make me feel good. Yes, Claire could have just been writing a diary entry about me and biker clubs. Or she could have been penciling the barbecue into her schedule. There were plenty of innocent explanations.
But when I saw those letters, written in such a neat and purposeful hand (every letter clearly defined), I knew there was no easy explanation. That wasn’t Claire. Whatever was in this notebook, it wasn’t innocent or simple. The back of my neck prickled with apprehension.
I knew the notebook held nothing good, and yet I had to read it. I couldn’t just set it aside. Those were my people. My family. If Claire was writing about them in her notebook, I had to see for myself what she was saying.
I could ask Claire about it, but I would never know if whatever she told me was the truth. And I had to know. There was no way forward if I didn’t know.
Slowly, I turned the book in my hands and looked down. Claire had perfect handwriting. I don’t know why I fixated on that first, but she did. Every letter was formed with total preciseness. It made reading her notes easy.
In a matter of seconds, I had my answers. I skimmed a few pages, then flipped back and read a few more pages with more care. An investigation.
Claire was investigating the Outlaw Souls.
She actually thought we were dealing drugs and stealing underaged girls and boys away from their families. She had met my brothers, shared food and laughed with them, but the whole time she was taking notes on them. The whole time, she was able to look them in the eyes while she suspected them of horrible things.
And me. I was selfish enough that I wasn’t just furious about her suspicions of Outlaw Souls. I was angrier about how she had used me. Sleeping with me that first night after the club, inviting me over to eat takeout, going to the barbecue with me. And last night.
It had all been an act. Her every move was orchestrated to wind me around her little finger. She had wanted me to let my guard down so she could start to pry. And I had been too stupid to see any of it. Claire wasn’t just naturally curious about the club, she had asked specific questions to help her fish for details about our lifestyle and income. She probably hadn’t even enjoyed the bike ride, she had just pretended to so I would invite her into my life a little bit more.
Everything had been a deception. Every touch, every kiss, perhaps even her moans of passion.
I had laid my heart bare for her. I had told her things I had never told anyone. The story she recited back was probably fabricated in the moment. And I had drank it up. Believed every word.
I was an idiot. Despite everything I had seen in my life, despite the fact that I of all people should have known better, I fell for her act hook, line and sinker.
I knew I should rage. I should want to throw the book across the room and start tearing her apartment apart. I knew I should scream at her until she woke up. But for the first few seconds, as everything settled in, I felt nothing. My heart was utterly iced over. My mind was moving fast, but my emotions had paused.
The ground had not shifted, but everything else was crumbling down around me.
I heard rustling from the bedroom behind me, and then the sound of Claire’s footfalls. I turned and saw her in the doorway, and that’s when the anger began to rise.
Twenty-Two
Claire
I swung my legs over the bed and reached my arms above my head for a satisfying stretch.
Once I had fallen asleep, it had been a long and dreamless slumber. I smiled as I glanced at the indent where Pin had lain. I had heard him in the kitchen as I drifted in and out of sleep, but it was quiet now, so I figured it was time to eat.
I still knew I had to tell him the truth about the investigation today, but somehow the morning made everything seem a bit better. With the sun shining, and the smell of coffee wafting through the air, I was feeling more optimistic.
In the dark of night, it had been easy to think my mistakes might cost me Pin. But in the morning, I had more confidence in my ability to tell the story in a way that made him understand.
As for convincing him that my feelings for him were real, that had to be possible. They were real. My feelings had never been so strong for anyone, he had to see the truth in that at least. With breakfast in my stomach and some coffee in my hand, I could do this.
I slipped off my bed and grabbed a baggy white t-shirt from my dresser drawer. I pulled on some underwear and splashed some water on my face. I smiled at my reflection. I had never been fussy about hair and makeup to begin with, and I also knew that Pin didn’t care. He liked me as I was. The sexiness of that nearly took my breath away.
I popped out of the bathroom and headed towards my bedroom door. I was about to call out a greeting when I saw him.
He was standing stock-still in the middle of my living room, his back turned from me.
