In his hands was my notebook. My dark green notebook with all the details of the current case. It was open, and he was reading it.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t talk. I could only stare in horror as he turned. If I had hoped that maybe he hadn’t read that much or didn’t understand, that hope vanished when I saw his expression.
A million emotions rippled across his face. Hurt and pain and shock. But most of all fury. He had a right to that. He had a right to feel anger.
“Pin,” I gasped. “It’s not what you think.”
His eyes hardened, and I didn’t dare go nearer. I knew Pin would never strike me, no matter how livid he was, but I also didn’t want to make him storm out. I wanted to explain. It was happening all wrong, but I could still explain.
“So it’s not a notebook about how you think the Outlaw Souls have kidnappedchildrenand are using them to deal drugs,” Pin said.
His voice was low and lethal. I had never heard him sound so flat and cold.
“It’s an investigation,” I said.
I wanted to cry, and I could feel my lower lip trembling, but I held it steady. I was made of stronger stuff than that. I could stay tough through this.
“Those teens are missing, and Outlaw Souls were the main suspects when the case was assigned,” I said.
“Oh, I see,” Pin said. “And lucky it got assigned to a whore like you who had zero problems fucking me until I gave you the answers you wanted.”
“Don’t call me that!” I shouted.
“Why?” Pin asked. “It’s what you are.”
It infuriated me how he kept his voice so quiet when all I could do was nearly scream. My own anger began to boil in my stomach.
“I amnota whore,” I cried. “And I didn’t mean for things to happen the way they did, I promise, just let me explain.”
“No,” Pin said. “You don’t get to explain – how am I supposed to believe a word that comes out of your fucking mouth?”
Now he was raising his voice. His fury was overriding his control, and he was pointing at me with one angry hand while he still gripped the notebook in his other.
“I know now that the Outlaw Souls didn’t do anything,” I said. “But a few days ago, I didn’t. I had to follow the lead I was given.”
Pin turned and slammed the notebook down on the table.
“You didnothave to text me,” Pin said. “You did not have to lie to me over and over – you’re just telling yourself you had no choice because that’s what people like you do, you step on everyone to get what you want, and then say you were just doing what you had to.”
I hated how his words sounded true. He was wrong about me. I hadn’t slept with him for my job. But some of his sentences still rang true.
“I wasn’t faking my feelings,” I said. “You have to believe me.”
“Fuck you, Claire,” Pin said. “I don’t have to believe a thing you say.”
I recoiled from him as if he had hit me. It almost felt like he had, his words landing like missiles on my face. A lump rose in my throat. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, not while he was yelling at me like this. He couldn’t see my tears.
I swallowed the lump and surged forward.
“Fuck you!” I screamed. “Kids are missing, Pin, and I have to find them. I don’t care if you’re too self-centered to listen.”
“We didn’t take anyone!” Pin shouted. “We would never, we’re not Las Balas! We have a code, and if you weren’t such a shitty PI, you would have realized that in a matter of seconds!”
I saw red. He could insult my values. He could say horrible things about me as a person, but he could not insult my ability to do my job.
“Only an idiot wouldn’t have looked into Outlaw Souls,” I said. “Bikers were all over this case, and I’m sorry that I used you, that things got out of hand, but I had to do it.”
I crossed my arms and willed a mask of strength to fall over my face. We couldn’t have a real conversation about my feelings. Not when Pin was like this. And he might always be like this.
