It didn’t take us long to reach a frantic state of desire once again. This time I climbed atop him and lowered myself onto his erection, savoring the fullness I felt as I took him as deep as I could. I gazed down at his body as his hands gripped my hips, and we found a rhythm. I gasped as my orgasm consumed me. He convulsed and cried out, letting me know that he was in the same state.
When we were done, I held him inside for a bit longer and lay down across his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and I wanted to be held by him forever.
I rolled off and onto my side, but Pin pulled my back against his chest so he was spooning me. I closed my eyes, and tears trickled out. I let them roll in silence down my cheek. If Pin knew I was crying, he would hold me and comfort me and ask me to tell him what was wrong.
I couldn’t tell him right then, but I knew I had to tell him. I would tell him, once I let him sleep. Pin deserved a restful night. He had done nothing wrong.
Tomorrow, I told myself.
Tomorrow I will tell him, and try and explain it right. I would tell him that it was my job and I got assigned this case. I would admit that it had been wrong of me to text him to hang out just so I could gain access to the Outlaw Souls.
But I would also explain that I no longer suspected that the Outlaw Souls were involved. I had observed them, and I couldn’t fathom any one of those bikers seducing and manipulating a teenage girl or badgering a young teen boy into dealing drugs.
In fact, I could use Pin’s help with the case. If the Outlaw Souls weren’t the culprits, who were? Pin knew La Playa, he knew bikers, and he knew about the seedy side of the city. If I came clean and asked him for his help, he could be my biggest asset. He could break the case wide open.
Most importantly, I had to let Pin know that our connection was real. I hadn’t been faking anything. Even when we were just hanging out watching TV, I had been myself. I had just been trying to find extra information.
As for the barbecue and everything after, I hadn’t even been thinking about the case. I had just been falling for him. I just had to make him understand that, and maybe he wouldn’t drop me cold turkey. It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation, but I knew I had to try.
Things felt different with Pin. I no longer feared growing bored, but it wasn’t just because he was a biker and that boredom wasn’t part of his type or lifestyle. It was more than that. It was this strange knowledge that I could wake up morning after morning and just do the little things with Pin but not feel scared or annoyed. Pin wasn’t going to hold me back from adventure. He was an adventure. Loving him could be an amazing adventure.
I shivered to myself. I hadn’t dared to think the word “love” – not yet. It came so quickly to mind though, while in Pin’s arms. I took a breath to steady myself. I could consider the love question later. After I told Pin the truth.
I lay awake for a long time. I couldn’t fall asleep, and I didn’t really want to. I wanted the night to last forever. I wanted to stay frozen in this moment when I knew how much Pin cared for me. He thought I was wonderful and smart and beautiful. He didn’t know I was a sneak. He didn’t know I had suspected his family of doing horrible things. That I had gone to that barbecue like a snake in the grass.
I stopped the self-flagellation after a while. I’ve never been the type to beat myself up. I reminded myself that I had just been doing my job. That lives were at risk. I hadn’t even known Pin that well when I accepted the assignment, and I would’ve been an idiot if I didn’t ask questions about Outlaw Souls when I knew two teenagers had gone missing after being linked to a local biker club.
Pin might be hurt, but he wasn’t stupid. He would listen to my side of the story. It could all work out. I wasn’t enough of a blind optimist to think it was definitely going to be ok, but I allowed for the possibility that we could move past this.
Tomorrow, I will tell him.
Tonight I would hang onto the possibility that he would forgive me.
Twenty-One
Pin
The sun streaking through the window woke me up, but had no effect on Claire. I grinned at the sight of her, out cold underneath the covers. It was what I had been hoping for. To make up for the time I had tip-toed out in the dead of night, I was going to let her sleep in while I cooked breakfast.
I knew my way around the kitchen because of the last time. As I took out a pan and some eggs, I decided that Claire should see my place too. I liked my privacy, but I didn’t want to be the type of guy who always showed up at the girl’s place and never allowed her into his space.
It was nice to imagine Claire curled up in my bed sheets or surveying my fridge’s contents. I would give her a drawer in my dresser so she could put some spare clothes, and maybe even some space in my bathroom cabinet.
It was foreign, this practice of thinking ahead. I had never considered stuff like making room for someone in my own apartment, and I had certainly never contemplated how a relationship would progress over time.
I had always thought people who thought like that were stupid. Relationships couldn’t grow or progress, they could only deteriorate. At best, I figured relationships might grow for a while, but then they inevitably hit a plateau that was so difficult and infuriating that someone eventually took a stick of dynamite and blew up the entire thing.
It was early days, I had to admit, but I couldn’t imagine Claire and I hitting a plateau. She was too full of life and too eager for adventure to ever get boring. And if things were difficult, I knew Claire well enough to know she would speak up. She would always tell it to me straight, and I would always be honest with her.
I wasn’t so far gone to consider myself an expert on relationships, but I figured if we started with honesty and kindness, that was a good thing.
I cracked a few eggs into a bowl and started to laugh to myself as I began to whisk them. How had I gone from the biggest anti-romantic on the West Coast to daydreaming about my perfect relationship, all while cooking breakfast for a woman?
It was Claire, plain and simple. She was unlike anyone I had ever met. I couldn’t quite describe it, but it was the way she seemed to be in constant motion. Raul had said her eyes moved fast, and he was right. But it was only because she was so eager to consume life. She wanted to see everything, meet everyone and take it all into her whirring mind.
The rest of her body moved fast as well, now that I thought about it. I had never seen Claire dilly-dally or walk slow. She moved from point A to point B with speed and a self-assured stride. That was probably why she enjoyed riding my bike so much. She relished in getting places fast.
I put the eggs on heat, and then moved to the coffee machine. I didn’t drink much coffee, but I knew Claire downed it like crazy. It probably contributed to her boundless energy. It wasn’t just her energy that drew me to her though.
