‘No, it doesn’t,’ I argue. They just want rid of him.
‘Excuse me,’ says Luke, his voice breaking. ‘Can we circle back to the use of the words killer and stalker? What is going on here? Do you mean you know who it is?’ Luke is taking in terrified gulps of air. ‘Can’t you explain that I’m here for work, not for stalking purposes? And FYI, I’ve never stalked anyone in my life.’
‘Not killer. He meant the person who is going totake careof you, and by stalker, well, erm, that’s just a loose term we gave you when you kept following me from country to country!’ I’m losing my temper at it all now. ‘If you’d only just listened to me in the first place, in York, we wouldn’t even be in this mess, would we?’
Luke surprises us all by collapsing like a pack of cards and slips with a thud onto the floor.
‘He even falls like a posh person,’ remarks Ged.
‘Yes, that was a real swoon, wasn’t it?’ adds Liam.
The door flings open. Matteo, Big Sue and Big Mand burst through the door arguing among themselves about who isn’t babysitting the first shift. They stop immediately when they see Ged, Liam and me gathered around Luke’s crumpled body.
‘Fucking hell. We’re too goddamn late! They’ve killed him!’ yells Big Sue.
‘Why haven’t you hidden the body?’ demands Big Mand. ‘Why is it just lying there? Why are you all just gawping at it? No body, no crime. Doesn’t anyone listen to podcasts?’
We all let her words hang in the air for a beat.
‘Honestly, is any of this even real?’ I ask the universe. ‘Can someone please pinch me? Can someone shake me awake, because I’ve obviously been roofied and slipped into a coma?’
Matteo speeds across the room. ‘Are you okay?’ he asks, taking me in his arms.
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I say, pointing to Luke. ‘But it’s been a lot for him to take in. He just fainted, that’s all.’
And none of us could be bothered to catch him.
‘Thank fuck,’ says Big Sue. ‘I wasn’t looking forward to chopping that huge body up in the bath. What is he? Six three? Six four?’
‘Okay,’ I say. ‘Let’s rein it in. This is not a Hollywood blockbuster. This is a pre-moon-slash-work-trip-slash’ – I half smile at Matteo – ‘romantic minibreak. Everyone needs to get a grip.’ I take a deep breath in. ‘Big Sue, what’s the ten twenty?’
‘No, no, no, Big Guy,’ says Big Sue with an exasperated groan. ‘How many times? It’s what’s your twenty for where you are, or what’s the ten four for what’s happening. Capeesh?’
‘Perhaps we could speak English while we sort out what’s what?’ suggests Matteo firmly. He has such an authoritative manner that we all nod obediently. ‘Any news on Hank Junior?’
We shake our heads.
‘We’ve decided you and Connie should keep Luke in your room and guard him first,’ Liam informs him.
‘Good idea,’ agrees Big Mand.
‘No. Absolutely not,’ Matteo says firmly.
‘But it’s the last place the killer will look,’ says Liam. ‘And he’s far too high-maintenance to stay here.’
‘I think we might have to go to the police,’ says Matteo.
‘But what if they think we’re the guilty ones for agreeing to have him “taken care of”?’ Big Mand asks.
‘But we didn’t,’ I say.
‘I know, but how can we prove it? Don’t the hotel have us all on video admitting exactly that?’
Matteo exhales loudly. ‘Okay. Just for one night.’
‘Who were you on the phone to just now?’ I ask. Literally everyone is listening in.
Matteo looks me dead in the eye. ‘Birdie.’
