‘He’s disappeared! Now will you help me find him?’
She smiles serenely. ‘Yes, ma’am. Lord knows people never “disappear” in this town, especially husbands. Especiallynewones. When they’ve accidentally married the wrong bride.’ She gives me a pointed look. ‘I’ll call the police for you now.’
Such unnecessary sarcasm.
‘No police! No need. I’ll find him myself.’
FFS.
20
‘I have an idea,’ says Matteo. ‘This way. Follow me.’
When we arrive at the media suite, the penny drops. ‘A video?’
Matteo nods. ‘It’s not ideal but what options have we got?’
They are only too happy to take my poor credit card from me, swipe it through their machine and settle me in front of a green screen. ‘You look great,’ Zonia, the camera operator, says, giving me a thumbs up.
I literally look like the bride of Dracula if she’d been recently dug up, thrown down a wind tunnel and run over by a truck several times.
‘Okay. Let’s do it.’ My nerves are starting to get the better of me.
They count me in as the camera starts rolling.
‘This is an urgent appeal for my, erm, singing partner, Luke. If you are listening, please come immediately to the…’ We were in such a rush we didn’t get a plan together first! ‘Erm, please meet me at the love sign right now, or as soon as you can get there. Please hurry. There’s something I urgently need to tell you. And it’s not great. You really need to come meet me. Please. And I’m sorry you lost your million dollars, but it really wasn’t my fault. And I have something even more valuable for you.’
Zonia is gaping at me in disbelief as they shout, ‘Cut!’ from behind the camera. ‘Are you sure that’s the message?’
‘I’m sure.’I mean, what’s more valuable than your own life?
In the ten minutes it takes Matteo and me to race to the love sign, over half a billion people have gathered with phones aloft to hear what the ‘not great’ news is that I have to tell Luke.
‘It’s proposal girl!’ I hear them chanting. ‘She’s come ready to marry him!’
Feckedy feck feck feck.
‘I’m not sure this was such a good idea,’ says Matteo, sounding worried. He can say that again.
I really know how to make a bad situation worse.
‘Too late now,’ I say, craning my neck over the crowds to see if Luke has turned up.
I sweep my gaze from one side of the love sign to the other and just as I’m about to change my mind I hear, ‘CONNIE! I’m here! But I don’t want to talk to you!’
OMG.
Luke is such a show-off. He’s using his powerful stage voice. Who needs a PA system when you’ve got him? And why is he emerging from the giant O of the sign? Hanging on to it with one arm and dramatically reaching out with the other. I’m sure you’re not allowed to climb on it. It very clearly states that the letters are an art installation. Anyway, he’s there. He’s waving and yelling because he has a massive crowd of people filming him. Yes, he’s nothing short of an attention-seeking missile, and yes, he’s got that air of pompous entitlement, and yes, he’s got a big fat tongue, but at least he’s alive. The crowd parts to let us through. A zillion things are running through my mind, but when I reach him all I can manage is an exasperated smile.
‘Can we have a word?’ I say.
‘Sorry? What was that?’ he shouts, pointing to a nearby tripod on the ground. ‘Can you speak up? I’m live-streaming.’
‘CAN I HAVE A WORD?’ I try again. I really don’t want to draw any more attention to us.
He too seems a little deflated. ‘That depends. Are you here to apologise for ruining my wedding? My life?’
‘It wasn’t your wedding. It was “a” wedding and you were only singing at it.’
