But maybe it’s true. Maybe nobody is ever going to love me enough to stay. Maybe nobody is going to think I’m worth it.
I have to choose myself, but it still feels like I’m ripping to shreds in the process.
And the worst part is that I don’t know if I’m ever going to recover from the way Ezra changed my life.
Chapter Twenty-Five
EZRA
It’s beenfour agonizing days since Jade walked out, and all I can do is spend time at the gym, punching the hell out of a bag and plotting a way out of this life.
Tyson stands in front of me. “What the hell is going on with you?”
I throw another punch, the cuts on my knuckles splitting open again, blood soaking through the wrapping. “I have a lot going on. You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“You’re walking around here all pissy and beating the hell out of whoever you think you can. And then we all have to deal with your horrible attitude because you don’t want to deal with whatever the hell is bothering you.”
“Why the fuck does everyone around me want to talk, all of a sudden?” I stride away from the bag, going over to the vending machine as I unwrap my hands.
I get a snack from the machine, tearing into it and dropping down onto the bench outside the locker room.
Tyson follows me over. “Does this have to do with Jade?”
“Fuck off.” I tilt the chip bag upside down over my mouth, devouring the last of the crumbs.
“Okay, so it has to do with her. And knowing you and what you’re like, you probably did something to push her away because that’s the only thing you know how to do. And then you spend so much time pushing people away that you become this sullen bastard of a human again.”
“Great. You’ve figured out what’s wrong with me, and now you can go on with your life, leaving me the fuck alone.”
Tyson leans against the wall beside me. “Are we going to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“You know, you’re ruining what’s probably the best thing to ever happen to you. Sure, things might not be normal between the two of you, but you’ve been in a better mood since she came around. You should be at home with her right now instead of here.”
“What you’re saying is going to get you killed.”
Tyson shows off the bruises still covering his body and the crutches off to the side, his walking boot hard as a rock as he kicks me. “They came close once, but I’m still standing, so I think I’ve earned a little bit of room to say what I want when it’s just me and you. Unless you’re going to run to Noah and tell him.”
I shake my head, crumpling the bag and tossing it into the garbage can to my left. “Not going to tell him shit.”
“Well, what about going home to Jade?”
“That’s not going to happen either. She doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I can’t say I blame her.”
Tyson snorts. “She’s obsessed with you. She wouldn’t stay with your crazy ass unless she was.”
“You can think that if you want, but she’s back at her old apartment, and I doubt I’m going to see her again.”
At least, not in person. The cameras I installed in that apartment after I moved her in with me are a different story.
I’ve been watching them every night.
There’s something nostalgic about watching her when she doesn’t know I am watching.
It’s in the way she spends time working on her cooking, practicing recipe after recipe like she’s trying to lose herself in cooking.
I wouldn’t blame her if she did after everything that happened. I’ve been trying to lose myself too.
