“You grew up in this life. You know it’s nothing but violence all the time.” Ezra looks at me like he pities me.
That’s the look that drives the knife through my chest.
He thinks I’m living in a daydream about our lives. That I think one day, we’re going to wake up, and everything is going to get better.
I know it’s not going to get better, and that this is the life are living. I know the risks he’s facing if he comes with me, but I know they’re higher if we stay.
I wipe a tear that dares to roll down my cheek. “You’re going to die here, and you don’t want to do anything about it.”
He shrugs, opening his dresser drawers and pulling out the clothing he needs for training. “I never thought I was going to live a long life to begin with.”
“And you don’t think there’s anything wrong with that?”
He tosses the clothing onto the chair in the corner. “Of course, I know there’s something wrong with that, but what do you want me to do about it?”
“Fucking fight for your life!” I get to my feet, not sure whether to get close to him or stay on the other side of the room.
It already feels like there’s a massive cavern opening between us. Not that there wasn’t one before, but I thought we were slowly closing it, and now it feels like it’s doubled in size.
Ezra sighs and runs a hand through his hair before stalking over to me. “One day, Noah is going to win the war, and it’s all going to be over. We won’t have to worry anymore. You’re going to be one of us.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, holding back more tears. “Great. We can be happy, and things will work out when my entire family is dead. Nice.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“No, but it’s what you said, and I know you. If you were willing to say it, then there has to be some amount of truth to it. Which means that you don’t think there’s a way for us to be happy if my family is involved.”
“Look, I don’t know what having a happy family is like. I don’t come from one, and to be honest, when I think about our future together, I can’t see your family in it because I have no clue how the hell they would fit.”
“And you think that makes it okay? You don’t even consider the other parts of my life. You just want me to be obsessed with you.”
“I’m obsessed withyou,” he says, though he sounds exhausted, the fight leaving his voice. “Is it so hard to think that you might be with me too?”
“I care about you. I could picture a future with you, but you’re never going to be the only person in my world. I love my family.I would do anything for them. But I love myself too, and I have to love myself more than I could ever love you. Being a human doesn’t work unless I love myself the most. And it’s because I love myself that I am telling you we do not have a future without my family.”
His expression hardens, becoming someone cold and detached I don’t recognize. “Then leave.”
“Are you going to that death sentence in a couple of weeks? Or are you willing to look at other options?”
“There are no other options.”
My shoulders slump, energy draining from my body. I roll my bottom lip into my mouth, giving a sharp nod before grabbing my phone and pulling a pair of shoes from the closet. “Okay. Well, if that’s the case, then I’m not going to sit here and watch you think you owe your life to a man who just threatened to kill you.”
“Nobody asked you to!”
I can cry when I’m back home where it’s safe. Where I’m surrounded by people who love me. People who want to be around for the rest of our lives and aren’t trying to get themselves killed for people who don’t value them.
Ezra steps into my path as I head for the door. “Where are you going?”
“You can do that fight if you like. You can run around behind Noah like a dog and do all his bidding, but I’m not going to stand to the side while you try to get yourself killed.”
“What are you saying?”
“Goodbye, Ezra.”
I slip past him, striding out of the apartment and to the elevator. I ram the button as hard as I can, but it does nothing to help the frustration flowing through me.
As I step outside, all I can hear is the sound of my own heart breaking.
