“And you were getting told by our parentsandby your future employers that you had to hide who you were. That there was somethingwrongwith being gay.”
“Yeah.” Gavin ran a hand through his hair.
“So maybe you lashed out the only way you knew how.”
“By trying to be such a dickbag no one wanted to draft me?”
Thad chuckled softly. “Is that such a crazy idea? It was theonlything you had any control over.”
Gavin’s expression was conflicted. “Fuck. And all you were trying to do at the time was protect me.”
“It didn’t really work though, did it?”
Gavin scoffed. “You fucking went to prison for me. Yeah, it worked.”
Thad gave him a tight smile. “It doesn’t really matter now, anyway.”
“Yeah, it does.” Gavin leaned forward. “It fuckingdoes. And with every day that passes, I hate it a little more that you sacrificed your future for mine. That you’re going to spend the rest of your life carrying that around with you instead of me.”
“Too late to change it now,” Thad said thickly, glancing away, staring blankly out the doors that led to a small balcony overlooking the main practice rink.
“I suppose.” There was silence for a moment. “Thad?”
He glanced over to see his brother staring at him with a worried frown.
“What?”
“Why are you so unwilling to see if you can smooth things over between me and Mom and Dad? I know it’ll be a shitload of work to do but …”
“I’m afraid it’ll make you spiral again,” Thad blurted out.
When there was only silence, he looked over to see Gavin staring at him. “What?” he finally said, his voice hoarse.
“I—I’m afraid you’ll start to spiral. I know you’re not going to like … start doing drugs and rob an electronics store again or anything. But you had that heart issue last season and you’re trying to reduce your stress, and you always get fucked-up about Mom and Dad.”
“Well …” Gavin spread his hands as if to say there was a reason why.
“No, I know.” And after what Gavin had said, that worried Thad even more. Thad pushed his tray of food away, all appetite completely gone. Even thesmellof soy sauce made him feel vaguely queasy now. “Mom and Dad are kinda fucked-up.”
“So if our parents are so fucked-up, why were you so intent on repairing your relationship with them?” There was a sharp note to Gavin’s tone now.
Thad shrugged. “My therapist thinks I still want their approval.”
“You have a therapist?” Gavin looked so surprised it almost made Thad laugh aloud.
He rolled his eyes instead. “Yes. Why is everyone so shocked by this?”’
“Because you acted like a total toolbag when you showed up here last fall?”
Thad tossed a napkin at his head. “Like you’ve never had your moments.”
“Yes, but we’re talking aboutyourissues now.” Gavin’s smile was a touch smug.
“I think I liked it better when we were talking aboutyours.”
They squabbled for a few minutes before Gavin sobered. “Seriously though. Your therapist thinks you want Mom and Dad’s approval?”
“Well,” Thad said. “Why the fuck doyouwant to talk to them?”
