“Takes one to know one,” Thad pointed out with a laugh. “So, back to the idea of you self-sabotaging because you didn’t want to be closeted in the NHL. You think that’s a possibility?”
“I don’t know.” Gavin absently clicked the wooden sticks. “Maybe. It feels like it could be true.”
“What would you have done if any of the GMs told you to hide who you were?”
Gavin glanced up with a wry smile. “You really think they didn’t?”
“What?” Thad asked, sitting up straight. He’d never heard Gavin sayanythingabout it.
“They knew about me,” Gavin said, staring down at his container of fish and rice. “They knew I was gay. They told me … they told me I had to pick hockey or being openly gay.”
Thad gave a low whistle. “They flat-out said that?”
“Ehh,” Gavin said. “No. It was subtler. Very slick business doublespeak aboutappearances being importantand not wanting todistract from the gameand all that bullshit.”
“Oh, exactly the way you talk now?” Thad fired back.
Gavin’s smile was rueful. “Well, maybe in press conferences. I try not to talk to my players like that.”
“Yeah, fair enough,” Thad said.
Gavin was known for being quite casual with his guys, and maybe that was partially why. Maybe his experience had soured him on that approach.
Gavin let out a soft, bitter laugh. “The stupid thing is, when I sat in those meetings and talked to those GMs about it, it actually sounded reasonable. And of course, Mom and Dad thought it was.”
Thad grimaced. “Yeah. I bet they did.”
They’d never been gung-ho on the idea of Gavin being out. They’d talked about how it would limit his options and there would be time for “all that” later. As if being gay was something a person could set aside for a couple of decades and pick up later.
Jesus, no wonder Gavin had been a fucking mess then.
Thad had avoided the whole issue by never openly talking about anyone he was interested in and letting his family and the league assume he was straight, not bi.
Which had left Gavin dealing with the brunt of it on his own.Fuck. That didn’t feel so good in hindsight.
“They would have been perfectly fine with you being closeted your whole fucking career, wouldn’t they?” Thad asked, appalled by the realization.
“Who? Mom and Dad? Or the GMs I talked to?”
“I meant Mom and Dad. But honestly, both.”
“Yeah. Pretty much.”
Hmm. This theory of Dakota’s was starting to feel more and more likely. “You dating Dillon, that was you trying to rebel,” Thad said slowly. “Both because he was a guy and because he was a troublemaker.”
“Probably.” Gavin sighed. “At the time, I thought it was because he was really good at sucking my dick.”
Thad almost choked on his sushi. “TMI, dude. T-M-I.”
Gavin shot him a grin, but it looked a little forced. “You think Dakota’s right then?”
“It does all seem to add up,” Thad admitted.
“I was afraid of that.” Gavin pushed his sushi around on the tray, then set it down again. “I feel a little sick thinking about the way I acted then. I thought I was such a fucking badass at the time and it turns out I was … just a scared little boy.”
“You had every reason to be,” Thad said with a shrug. “I mean, that was a shit ton of pressure you were under. You weregood, Gav. There would have been a lot of eyes on you.”
“There would’ve been.”
