CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Later that evening, as Thad knocked on Graham’s door, he had no idea what he was going to say.
In the end, when the door swung open and he found Graham standing there, dressed in team sweats and holding Murphy—who was barking his head off—all he could say was, “I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for?” Graham asked, stepping back to let Thad inside.
Once the door was shut, he passed over the dog and Thad took him, murmuring a hello to him too, before he lost his damn mind with excitement.
Thad petted Murphy for a moment as he tried to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. He finally settled on, “For making you doubt me.”
“Thad.” Graham said, his forehead wrinkling. “I’ve never doubtedyou.”
“But you’vewondered, haven’t you?” Thad said. “If I was going to keep pulling away. If I’d bail on you. On this relationship.”
“Yes. But, honestly, I’ve been more worried about you bailing onyourself,” Graham said.
Thad frowned. “What do you mean?”
Graham smiled but there was sadness in his eyes Thad hated. He wanted to kiss it away, reassure Graham there was nothing to worry about.
But he had no idea if that was true.
“I think you’re very good at protecting yourself,” Graham said quietly. “And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I know you had to be. But I also think maybe you’re so good at it you don’t allow yourself to trust that good things can happen to you.”
“Okay,” Thad said, frowning as he thought about those words. Graham wasn’twrong. But he didn’t quite know what he meant about bailing on himself.
“I’m worried that maybe because things are getting good between us, you’re—you’re going to do something stupid.”
“Like pick up and run?” Thad asked.
“No. I mean … kind of. But maybe not literally. Not out of Boston, anyway.” Graham pursed his lips. “I’m not explaining this well. I get this sense you—you’ll do something stupid like end this.”
“End our relationship?” he clarified.
“Yeah. With some misguided idea of protecting me or something … I don’t know. I get this gut feeling you don’t quite trust that this is real. That what we have is real.”
Thad swallowed thickly because Graham wasn’t wrong about that either. “Okay,” he said, because he felt like there was more to this. More Graham hasn’t said yet. And he wanted him to keep going.
“I know hiding and lying about our relationship is weighing on you. Way more than it is me.”
Thad nodded.
“And am I wrong that you—that there’s more to it? More you want to tell me but aren’t ready to talk about?”
“No,” Thad said hoarsely. “You’re not wrong.”
“Okay.” Graham stepped forward and took Muphy from Thad’s arms, setting him on the floor. When he stood, he stepped closer and settled his hands on Thad’s waist, looking him in the eye. “Then I want you to know I—I care about you, Thad. And if you need more time, that’s fine. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
Thad searched his eyes but there was nothing but openness and honesty and caring in them. “What if it takes me a really long time?” he whispered. “What if what I want to tell you isn’t my secret to tell and I don’t know how to tell you without—without maybe hurting someone else and I?—”
His throat tightened, and he had to close his eyes and lean his forehead against Graham’s.
“Then I’ll wait,” Graham promised. “I’ll show you that you can trust me.”
“It’s not you,” Thad choked out. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s …”
It was so much more fucking complicated.
