“And you’ve also said the way society is structured right now, that lack of education is used as a tool to deliberately close doors to certain parts of the population.”
“Yes, I have said that.”
“And I—I had all of the opportunities in the world,” Thad said thickly. “And I threw them away.”
“I’m hearing some grief around that. Would you like to talk about that more now?”
“I can’t help but wonder what my life would have been like if I’d made a different choice.”
Harlan looked him in the eye. “In the past, you’ve said you believe your choice to lie to the police about who was involved in the burglary saved your brother from harm.”
“Yeah.” It wasn’t the first time they’d discussed that idea.
“Do you still believe that?”
“Yes.”
“So, if you believe you made the right decision, why are you so hard on yourself about it?”
“I don’t know. I guess … I guess I tend to look at myself through other people’s eyes.”
“If you told Graham the truth, would he leave you? Would he view your decision to protect your brother negatively?”
“No.” Thad laughed at the idea. “God, no. He’d … he’d probably get kind ofsadabout it. Like he’d be upset I’d made my life harder but if I explained my reasoning and told him I don’t regret the choice, I think he’d understand. Shit, if he didn’t look down on me for being in prison, I can’t imagine he’d look down on me for going to protect my brother.”
“But you don’t feel comfortable sharing it with him?”
“It’s not my story to tell,” Thad repeated, his voice breaking. “And I can’t risk torpedoing Gavin’s career.”
“Do you think Graham might tell someone else? Do you feel he’s not trustworthy?”
“No. Not at all,” Thad protested. “Graham wouldnevertell anyone if I asked him not to. It’s … Gavin is hisboss. I feel weird about saying something that would make him view Gavin differently. And honestly, what if someone found out?”
Harlan frowned. “If Graham didn’t tell someone directly, how would they find out?”
Thad laughed softly. “You have no idea what a hockey team is like.”
Harlan offered him a small smile. “That I don’t.”
“Guys are gossipy as fuck. It’s … it’s abondingthing, I guess? And they’re all up in each other’s business. In that regard, I suppose it’s not so different from inmates.”
Harlan chuckled.
“The other day, Graham’s teammate Tanner pulled his phone out of his hand and went through his texts. He wasn’t doing it to be a dick. It was a playful thing. He was teasing Graham about a text he had from his ex-girlfriend.”
Harlan’s eyebrow rose again. Thad idly wondered if they taught therapists how to do that. Maybe it was a test before they graduated with their degree or something.
Thad waved off the implied question. “We can talk about the ex thing later.”
“Okay,” Harlan said, looking a little amused.
“So, like, what if I told Graham and it somehow came up in text? And what if Tanner saw it and put the pieces together?” Thad considered the idea. “Okay, maybe not Tanner. But some guys on the team are very astute. Jesse Webber—the goaltender—he noticeseverything.”
“And you believe Jesse is someone who could put the pieces together?”
“Yes.” Thad frowned. “And I don’t like putting Graham in that position, you know? Where he feels like he has to keep secrets from his teammates for me.”
“Thad, I am hearing a lot about you looking out for your brother and your boyfriend, but nothing about how you’re looking out foryourself.”
