Halfway home, I have to turn on the headlights. It’s getting dark earlier and earlier, and while I used to love this time of year, nothing feels the same anymore. Sure, the town is mostly the same, but I don’t feel like I fit into it anymore, and that might be the biggest problem. I didn’t fit with Damien—I thought I did, but I was wrong. I’ve been wrong about so many things.
Austin is the only thing that feels the same to me. His steady friendship. That’s the only normal I have right now. Him and his family. It’s nice, but it just feels like something is missing. I feel like I’m missing. Like part of me is still stuck in Ohio with Damien. The most important parts of me.
I don’t know who I am anymore or what I’m doing. Hell, I don’t even know what I want out of life. Or what I deserve.
I sigh, trying to pull myself from my maudlin thoughts. I turn the radio on, and Austin’s favorite station is already playing. It brings a smile to my face. Old country music has always been his thing. The summer we turned fifteen, he used to croon George Strait to me like he was trying to winAmerican Idol.
Almost like I’ve willed it into existence, the very next song that comes on isAmarillo By Morning, and a loud laugh bubbles up and spills from my chest. I sing along, allowing myself to get lost in the nostalgia as I drive up the gravel lane toward Austin’s house.
I’m feeling a little better when I come to a stop, and I wait until the song is over before climbing out of the truck.
Austin looks up at me from the couch when I step inside. “What’s that smile about?”
I laugh. “Amarillo By Morningwas on in the car. Just got me thinking about teenage you serenading me.”
He shakes his head. “I was not serenading you.”
“Sure you were.”
I barely resist flinching when Austin jumps up and rushes toward me. Jesus, what is wrong with me today? Was getting out of the house and doing something alone really that hard on my psyche?
Austin grabs my hand and tugs me to him. I’m confused until he wraps an arm around my waist, hauling me closer. This is… new. “What are you doing?” I ask, trying to keep my voice low.
“Serenading you.”
My heart trips over itself, my throat going dry so fast I can’t get any words out before Austin starts singing.
His fingers flex against my lower back as he sways me back and forth, voice low as he croons outCarrying Your Love With Me. My sore feet are all but forgotten, my hands hanging loose and useless at my sides because what in the actualfuckis happening right now?
“Uh, Austin, what are we doing?”
His voice cuts off, and his hand falls from my back. “I was showing you what it meant to be serenaded.”
Heat floods my cheeks, so I glance at my feet so he can’t see it. I’m not sure why; it’s not like I can control it. “It was fun, but my feetare killing me. I’m thinking about taking a bath.”
Austin’s silence has my stomach doing nervous flips, so I force myself to look up at him. The concern etched into his face shouldn’t make me feel good, right? It’s just… I’m not used to being looked at that way. It’s so genuine. “You okay?” I ask anyway. Mostly because something feels strange with us today, and I’m not sure how to fix it.
“Totally fine. Let me go run your bath.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
Austin shrugs. “I know, but I want to. Give me a few.”
And just like that, I’m standing alone in the living room. Damn. Serenading me. That’s new. Huh. I wish I could go back five minutes and let myself enjoy it—maybe wrap my arms around Austin in return. Feel his warm, solid body under my palms, let the sound of his low drawl in my ear soothe me. A shiver runs down my spine. That’s enough of that. What the fuck?
I sit down on the couch and strip my shoes off, rubbing at my sore feet while I wait. I’m starting to get hungry, but it can wait until after I’m done with the tub. I’m not gonna wither away, and I definitely can’t wait to relax. Plus, I won’t risk making Austin upset by not getting in the tub after he went through the trouble of filling it. He’s doing something nice for me, and I don’t want him to think it’s not appreciated.
“It’s ready.” Austin’s voice startles me, and I jump a bit. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
God, why does it feel like I’m backsliding? Getting a job was supposed to make things better, not worse. I don’t understand. “It’s alright—I was just lost in my head.”
I force myself to my feet and walk toward the bathroom. Austin stops me with a soft grip on my upper arm. “You alright, Luc?”
“I’m okay. Just tired, I think.”
“Okay. Go enjoy your bath. I’ll get you a snack made, and then we can chill and watch TV, and I’ll rub your feet.”
Holy shit. “Really?”
